Tuesday 12th Dec

Well, I almost chucked it in...

I sat and watched a homeless person for 3hrs yesterday, but all he did was sit and watch others... so I guess I am getting the idea! Then I went around to different various locations until dark. I am not planning to eat for a couple of days and so I didn't have to worry about that yet. This big problem was the temperature. I don't mind sleeping rough, but I hate being cold, and as it got dark it got colder and windy. I went into Melb Central, which was heated, and sat down on the comfy baseball glove seats. I dozed off at one point and a security guy woke me up and said you could relax there but not sleep. Which was hard, and so I moved on. Boredom is a factor as well. I went down to the station area in at the bottom and sat on the floor against a wall for a few hours. I felt pretty low and wondered if this was as humble as I could get. Then I was asked to move on again, and had to go outside. It was cold and windy and I walked around looking for something.

While most arcades are shut where they meet the street, I spotted one that went further back from the road and had a homeless guy sleeping at the top of some stairs. I went in and round the back corner where there was a marble bench, just out of sight from the street. It was noisy and bright, but no wind. I lay down and tried to get a little sleep but it was too cool. I had to get up and rock back and forth to try and get warmer, and sometimes I just stood and did little exercise movements, but it didn't really help. A few times some people came by to get the lift to their appartments. I hoped they might ask if I need some help or a place to stay, but it was just a fantasy. I was yelling in my head, "Have you not read Jesus's story of the rich man and Lazarus"? And then turned my thoughts to the fact that I was 'the rich man' and I had never helped a homeless person caught in the cold... So I stood there all night. Time went ever so slowly, and dawn just never seemed to arrive. At one point the homeless guy got up and asked me the time, but I didn't have a watch. Later in the morning a girl ran in and, not seeing me right around the corner, sat down and peed on the floor before running off laughing with her friends. More leaning against the wall... tick toc, tick toc... I think I've learnt enough about being homeless...

As morning came, I walked around some more and when the temperature had risen just enough, I found a sunny spot in a park and went to sleep. A few hours later I have got up and come here to check the weather for tonight. Cold again, but warming up a bit as the week goes on. I'm not sure I can face another night like that again? For now I think I need to engage someone, speak to someone, about anything. A couple of people yesterday waved as they saw the cross on my top. One couple asked if I was the re-incarnation of St. Francis? I said I was on a similar journey, and that it was my first day on the street. They said they didn't think I was homeless, as I was too clean...