Goodbye Dougy..

Well sad news over the weekend that Dougy was found dead early Sat morning (circumstances presently unknown). It took a couple of days for the emotion to hit, but it did, and I spent today wandering around town. I found a full packet of cigarettes and a ten dollar note on the ground, which would have made Dougy very happy.

I hadn't spoken to Dougy this year. In fact the last time we spoke was about October last year, after I sat with him in court, with his social worker and celebrity lawyer (someone I didn't know from Big Brother). He had a long list of serious charges that should have seen him put away but the Judge took a different tact.. deciding the best chance for Doug, and perhaps society, was for him to report daily to the Salvation Army 'Oasis Program' for down and out men in need of intensive personal care. As we left the building he shook my hand and thanked me for my support. Then nothing until I spotted him two weeks ago on the ground, out drunk cold, being picked up by an ambulance crew..

He was probably Melbourne's most alcoholic, hospitalized, troublesome, arrested homeless man. When confronted about God, he always replied "he loves me.. he does" and when confronted about his alcoholism, he always replied "I can't help it.. that's the way I am"; a statement of his own submission to the hopelessness in his mind born from the pains and struggles of his heart. And yet in the time I knew him I saw him sober up, commit his life to God, and a few times struggle to free himself from the demon of the bottle. A freedom he now enjoys, at the cost of his own mortality, in a place where hope is reborn. Resting in the arms of Abraham.

Homelessness.. The Answer:

Homelessness ESS Derivatives: Brokenness, lonlyness, pointless, unhappiness, drunkenness, faithless, helpless, penniless, relationship less..

Relationship less:
Specifically: without relationship with a healthy Christian person(s).
Specifically: a 'healthy Christian' who is not in a paid role relationship or organized limited mission role.

The Balance:
The Homeless in Melbourne are far outnumbered by regular working Church attending Christian people.

THEREFORE:
Statistically a Homeless persons friendship group should be made up of many Christian friends; Christians that have no other Homeless friend other than that one person.

Of Course that is based on the PREMISE that all/most Christians follow God's direct instructions through the Bible and Jesus to make time and develop a meaningful relationship with the lost, poor and homeless of the city they live in.


SYMBOLICALLY
We are an massive army camped on one side of a river, year after year, while the village on the other side is constantly attacked and raided, the people maimed and murdered.

Occasionally some soldiers or small patrols head across the river and return with a message that more help is needed..

Someone's reply: "I know the King has asked us to go across and fight, but I am busy with camp logistics and also my sword is not yet sharp enough."

Another: "I know the King is due back to the camp soon, when that happens he will lead us across the river and we shall crush the enemy under our heel.. how great and glorious will that day be!"


Where to now?
As a single person I have been able to make the time to build relationships with some of the poor and homeless of Melbourne.

As a married person (with a baby on the way) my challenge is to find some time (an hour a week, a day a month?) to continue to build on those relationships and witness God.

What's your challenge?

Heading Home

After a honeymoon in New Zealand (starting in Christ Church because Nella liked the name) we returned home to Nella's house in Werribee (where she has a mortgage, and I guess by proxy, I now do too.. I can't claim to be homeless anymore!).

On the plane flight back I sat between Nella and an elderly lady who was reading a christian book of some sort. Leaning towards Nella I whispered 'I'll make contact..' and pulled out my Bible and started to read it. Reading your Bible next to a stranger Christian is usually guaranteed to draw a comment from them (something about safe zones) but in this case the lady lent back and fell asleep. I noticed on the page she had open the heading 'Rest in the Lord'. So when she awoke a bit latter I commented to her that she was taking the 'Rest in the Lord' section literally.. We chatted a bit and I asked er what church she went to and she said she didn't attend any church; she was a 'Christadelphian'.

I had heard the name but knew nothing about them. She explained a few things and I realized they were very similar to Jehovah's Witnesses [in fact I looked them up later and it seems the Jehovah's Witnesses founders drew many of their secting doctrines from the Christadelphians..] Well I had recently boned up on that area of theology and so we discussed the nature of Jesus and what the 'Word become flesh' was all about. While the conversation was civil, I didn't feel she was discussing as much as she was teaching; or at least stating a definitive position.

I have noticed over time some Pharisaical trends with believers from more radical sectarian belief systems. When I set out to discuss theological topics with them, I find they do not discuss them back, rather they tend to centre themselves from a teaching position, addressing your questions and probes intelligently, but never questioning or probing my positions back. In short they are happy to be questioned, as an opening to give their information and ideas, but they are not interested in receiving any back, a fore mark to fundamentalism.

As the aeroplane landed in Melbourne she handed me a piece of paper with her phone number and said I was welcome to contact her further. When we got back to our place in Werribee I switched on the Christian Channel and playing was a program explaining, verse by verse, the basis for the theology of the Trinity. It was God was confirming in more detail, the ideas I had just been trying to express.. later I looked at her phone number again, and wondered what I would say if I ever called.. "Hello, I just called to let you know God has confirmed to me that you are wrong. I'd like to tell you.... " I'm not sure that's the best thing to do. I put the number away for the time being.

WEDDING MARCH 8th 2008:

The wedding was wonderful, much better than we both expected. Three months of pressure cooker planning resulting in a dreamy day which all enjoyed. The ceremony was at the Lutheran Church, the service was led by our Church of Hope (AoG) pastors and the vows were led by our Baptist minister (Also our Anglican Vicar in the congregation).. who said we all(denominations) can't all get along. We had the cross carried into the Church first, to symbolise the priority in our lives, and we made our vows on our knees, before God. Afterwards, outside, we released some doves, which everyone enjoyed.

We wanted the day's experience to have some important Biblical themes, and so we invited as many people as we could, choosing to have a cheaper buffet meal so we could invite more guests (200 people). Of course many of those were friends from the street. But as in the Bible story.. many were unable to come to the banquet, some deliberately because they were annoyed with us or other attendees. Some probably didn't feel they would be comfortable there, in a crowd at a special occasion with many others around. What ever the reason it was a surprise who came and who stayed away, will it be similar at the rapture?

We also followed Jesus's suggestion to invite some strangers to your meal, and boy are we glad we did. The strangers were exceptionally grateful and happy for the invite and the best thing of all happened.. A couple from Malaysia (parents of a guest we said to come along) gave their hearts to God at the reception! We think that is the best wedding present.. our marriage bringing others into the kingdom.. hopefully symbolic of our future with God and each other :) There was one person who came to the reception un-invited, but we chose not to tie him up and throw him outside. LOL.

END OF THE FAITH WALK ?

"The seventy-two returned with joy.."
St Francis followed Jesus's instructions for heading out on a Faith Walk, yet unlike the twelve and the seventy two, he never returned from his walk back to his cultural normality.. yet those Jesus sent out as a part of his discipleship training did return, and they returned with Joy.

Where am I? Why haven't I been around? Is it over? yes/no..

I had initially intended to only work part time at World Vision for a month, to earn some money towards the cost of my impending marriage, and I planned to continue with the streets on my off days. But getting married is very much like starting a Faith Walk. Your not really sure what lies ahead, and you don't understand all the implications of what your getting involved with, and you just have to trust in God that it will all work out. Many things change.

The biggest impacting decision we(my fiance and I) made was the wedding date: March 8th 2008. Once that was decided all discussion and focus other than the wedding was pretty much set aside. I was moving around between house sitting, overnighting at my fiance's parent's place, visiting her at her place and trying to get in some streets in as well. The problem was she lives in Werribee and World Vision is in Burwood, which are the opposite sides of the city, and I was traveling back and forth for about 5hrs each day and only getting 6hrs sleep a night. It wore me out pretty quick.

I had been balancing streets and relationship pretty well, but as time became more valuable I studied the Bible and listened to sermons that became pretty clear that you need to prioritize a marriage above mission, when they are at odds. So streets got reduced down to a few hours a week, as I focused on the new direction God had set for my life.

A wedding is also much more expensive than I realized, which helps me understand why some street couples are yet to make their partnerships a wedded one.. So when World Vision invited me to stay on longer than a month. I agreed and ended up staying there for 3 months and decided to leave at the end of January, just last week. For February I am focused on getting the final wedding plans in place and hoping to get back around the streets for a month, re-connecting and building on my experience there last year.

So it's finally dawning on me that my Homeless Faith Walk Journey is over. But hang on.. am I giving up? is it biblical? Well yes and no.

No I am not giving up. I plan to be involved and around the streets of Melbourne for the rest of my life, but in a different way. I am going to try and get backing to do paid street ministry around Melbourne, else I will work to support my family and do as much as I can around that.

Yes it is Biblical. The disciples returned, Jesus returned to Heaven, and each has his own path to be drawn to God, and you need to be true to God's plan for your life above all others expectations. As the disciples did, I have Joy about how I have walked with God and I also have great Joy about where my future with God is heading.

Jesus went ahead to prepare a feast to those he has invited to the banquet. I am excited about inviting many of my friends from the streets to share in my wedding banquet next month. My hope is that I can continue to help them (and others) find Joy with God.

Broken Door..

I returned to the Shed late November 07, after I house sat a friends place for a week, and found the door broken (actually it had been kicked in by an angry guy while high on drugs, upset as he was getting evicted from the main house). I saw it as a sign that the time of the Shed(Poustinia) was over. A sign of an end of a covenant, perhaps like a curtain that was torn in two; the end of my homelessness? the end of the Faith Walk?

An incredible thing happened tonight~!

A street friend who has been a Christian in belief but not in action, came up to me tonight and told me, in reference to a long running argument and shunning of another street person (over a trivial matter, but the tensions between the two escalated to involve the police at one point), that he prayed about the situation and decided to be friendly to the other person again. Incredible~!! I am so happy :)

Surprisingly, I have shunned my first person..

Throughout my life I have been shunned by many many people.. friends and relatives. For what reason? Well that’s one of the problems of shunning.. they rarely tell you. To tell you would be communication, which is what they are avoiding.. so it’s a catch 22 situation, and incredibly hurtful and un loving.. which is why I have considered shunners the least respected people in society and something I vowed never to do.. until now..

JHW

The Friday and Saturday night ‘steps’ outreach I have been involved in has been going great this year. We talk to a lot of people about God and have someone commit their life every few weeks. Recently there has been another person on the scene that came up to me to talk about the importance having a Bible with the name ‘Jehovah’ in it, rather than the standard modern translation of ‘Lord’. Yep, he was a ‘Jehovah’s Witness’ (JHW).

I had never chatted with a JHW before, except once (years ago) when some came to my door and I asked them what the difference was between what they believed and regular Christianity, and they didn’t know. They said they would ask their pastor and come back and tell me.. but they never returned and I never thought about it any further. So when this guy came up to talk to me I was curious to understand more about who they were.

He said he was just interested in open discussions of the scriptures but as we talked it seemed more instructional than discussional, and it chewed up a lot of time. I did some research and discovered JHW’s don’t consider Jesus part of the trinity of God, Hell not to exist and the Gifts of the Spirit to be dead and finished.. among many other very worrying doctrines. I tried to discuss it with him but he kept referring back to key verses that he said you had to know the original Greek to understand. For every point I made he had a counter point ready. I felt like he was using a telesales call centre phone script which pre plan conversational flow charts for every variant and response to keep the customer on track for the sale. In fact he had just that.. a guide book to argue JHW theology, which he later showed me.

While I like to discuss God with anyone, the amount of time (hours each week) he was taking up was becoming a problem because it was drawing me, and others, away from the ministry outreach we were there for. But he kept interrupting us despite our requests to be left alone during our outreach. And so he changed from ‘Pharisee’ (someone more interested in arguing theology than acting it out) to a ‘wolf in sheep’s clothing’ (someone appearing Godly and Christian motivated but actively/deliberately having a negative effect on the outreach gospel message work).

At first when the pastor I was outreaching with asked me not to spend time with him, I wasn’t convinced it was the right response. But it took time for the JHW’s true nature to come out (Deception, Distraction and a Devaluation of the God I believe in). I told him I didn’t mind him being there but I asked him not to interrupt me during my outreach as it was no longer an appropriate time or place to talk to him. Then I took it to God in prayer about how to handle the situation.

Surprisingly I got a very clear response back from God that I was ‘not to engage him’. Despite my previous feelings on shunning (and I think there are many problems of interpretation and application in reference to the ‘Expel the immoral brother’ Biblical passage..) I have a much stronger position.. and that is to follow God’s instructions when they are clearly given. I viewed myself as a warrior on a battlefield, and although I felt strong enough to handle the enemy I was facing, I needed to submit to the general’s command of when to advance and, when to retreat. So the next week when JHW came up to talk to me I said “God has told me not to engage you” and he replied “How could he do that? God doesn’t interact with humans..” I almost chocked. The whole Bible is God interacting with Humans! I responded “That’s your view, not mine” and walked away.

The following week I had a dream. The JHW got into an argument with a steps pastor and it became a physical fight. Then I went and talked to the JHW church and explained that Jehovah is also know as Father and a father interacts with his children. Jesus is known as Friend and friends communicate with each other. And the Holy Spirit is know as Councillor and councillors talk to their clients. So by their very names the God Trinity is defined as a God of interaction. In the dream the JHW Church listened and agreed there was no argument against that line of reasoning, but nor were they interested in changing.

So last weekend we were out on the steps again, and even as people stopped to listen to our testimonies the JHW guy would come up to them and draw them away from listening to us. And when we would be talking directly to people he would step in and question what we were saying. At one point the JHW guy had bumped into the Pastor as he pushed his way into the Pastors conversation with someone, and so the Pastor gave the JHW a paper print out listing the verses that refer to the Trinity and Hell, to which the JHW guy responded that he was going to sue him..

So I am beginning to see the wisdom in God’s instruction in this case. I see the possibility that shunning may have a role, but only after very careful prayer and consideration. It is a very dangerous and destructive tool when inappropriately applied (I did give the curtesy of explaining ‘why’ to the person I applied it to). Now I have to have Faith that the matter is in God’s hands to deal with, and focus on those who’s hearts God has prepared: to sow the good seed.

Engagement Tears

Last August I was wandering around the city and I noticed a girl singing on a microphone out on Swanston St, in front of St.Paul's Cathedral. She was singing Christian songs, shyly, to a backing tape, virtually all alone, except for a couple of guys nearby handing out tracts (printed Christian material). She was very pretty and I stopped, watched and listened from a distance. As I stood there I thought to my self 'any girl who loves God enough to sing songs to Jesus in the street, is a girl I'm interested in'. Now, just over a year later, we are engaged to be married! :)

Love on the Streets:

When I started my Faith Walk I never had any intention of getting involved in a relationship. In fact I had never even been in a relationship (except with God). Sure I grew up interested in girls, it's just I never went 'looking' for a relationship. I was always focused on exploring my spirituality and the few times when I did express my interest in someone, it was never returned. Making the decision to leave my career and sell all I had also included an acceptance within my self that I may never experience that side of life, as I wouldn't consider myself of interest to any girl (based on today's materialism and financial security priorities, let alone the psychological and spiritual complexities added into my life's journey this year).

When I started attending a Church comprising of homeless and street people (Church of Hope) I was happy to discover the girl I had seen a couple of moths earlier was helping out with the singing and worship music during the services. And when I joined the Flinder's St Steps outreach choir, late Saturday nights, she was there too. I stood next to her when we sang, but never made any attempt to communicate with her, as I was fully loaded with dealing with being newly homeless at the time.

I was immersed in the street world, living and sleeping rough, with guys like Warren (wrapped in cardboard down alleyways) and it took all my attention and focus on God just to survive. Actually, I had once mentioned to a friend that my biggest enemies to watch out for would be 'the distraction of girls' and 'pride'. One person from America emailed me some questions about the issue of female relationships in my situation, and I pretty much rebuffed the suggestion of any possibilities. Not that their aren't any relationships on the streets; their are lots, albeit they tend not to be very healthy ones. I remember one girl was walking along with mention "I've lost my boyfriend, I can't find him.." "What's his name?" I asked. "I'm not sure" she said. "How long have you been going out?" I asked. "He's my third boyfriend today.." she replied!

After a few months I started helping out at the Church, which later grew into a leadership role. I discovered the girl's name was Nella and we became friendly, chatting and helping each other with tasks and supporting each other on the streets. She had come to Church of Hope a few years ago as she felt God asking her to change from hating drug dealers and addicts (that influenced one of her friends) to loving them [Love your enemies]. This is her testimony that gives on the Sat night 'Steps' microphone every few weeks (last week she gave her testimony and someone listening decided to give their heart to the Lord!) So we started singing duets together at Church, chatted as a team at the food vans and visited people in hospitals together.

As Winter approached I was quite interested in Nella but the implications of making a step in that direction seriously concerned me.. could be a gift? could be a distraction? I had to weigh up and think about all the implications and what God would want, before I even gave a hint of interest. I thought talked to a few few people about the theology of singleness Vs partnership, and an Orthodox priest said something good about 'walking hand in hand together towards God'.

I worked on the friendship a bit more: the first time I called her from a pay phone I hoped the conversation might go for at least five minutes.. it went on for three hours! (well I just listened mostly) At one point I was tired from standing so I reached around the side of the booth and grabbed some milk crates to sit on. And then one night we were at the Steps and she was nearby with a friend talking to a girl (stranger) about the grief and difficulties of the recent death of that girl's mother. She was standing quietly in the dim light, with a hood up (almost biblical) and she was full of compassion. I said in my mind (and I guess my heart) 'ok God, I choose her', which surprised me, as I have never really asked god for any thing before.

I am always very strict on myself for saying 'what you will Lord', and this was the first time I actually bypassed that. Well I said nothing and it started to rain, so we all went our separate ways. After Nella went to drive home I went back into the city (about 12:30am) and sat and thought about things more. About half and hour later Nella called me on my mobile and asked me (as it was raining) if I wanted a lift back to the Shed. I was surprised and thought 'she must be half way home by now' but said 'sure!' right away. [She later told me that despite the fact she had left the city she felt prompted by the spirit to call me and come back to offer the lift.] So we drove back to the shed and as we neared I was trying to work up the courage to ask her out, but my adrenaline was pumping too fast and I chickened out, and she went home.

The following week she dropped me home again and gave me a shiny new blanket to help keep me warm in the night. I thought I would try a little tester and so asked her if she was curious would she like to come back and see the shed? She said yes and we walked round the back of the house for a look. After she was happy it was solid and fairly weatherproof we walked back to the car. As she said goodbye I asked her out. She was fairly shocked, thinking I was like a monk and not interested in that sort of thing, and I explained that I was but being independent gives you leeway to make your own rules :) She said she was concerned that she wouldn't want to be a 'distraction to the mission' and despite my assurance that she was a valued support, not a hindrance, she left to drive home, leaving me standing there thinking 'right, time to move on.'

Two days later I was at a friends house when she called me up. She wanted to explain further that she was interested but very concerned about a relationship impacting my work. I too was similarly concerned but I had the benefit of chewing it over for a couple of months first while she only had a couple of days. We discussed it for a few hours and by the end we agreed to give it a go! Woo Hoo. The next night she called me back and grilled me for another three hours about my history and intentions. She didn't want her time wasted and we agreed we were both only interested in the relationship as long as we were looking for a marriage partner and that God would be first in all things. That night I got out the blanket she had bought me and slept in it, even though it was a bit cold (without the sleeping bag), as a metaphor that I would commit to the relationship even if it wasn't always providing me quite enough warmth. I got through the night and a few days later we went on our first date.

We got on better than we expected and were constantly surprised about how much we had in common. We worked on keeping a high commitment to street mission as well as alone time, and I kept a sharp eye out for any signs from God as to approval or disapproval. In fact the street work went even better and we felt good about being a good example of a proper Christian relationship to our street community. A few times she had strong headaches and I prayed for healing and they instantly disappeared (once stopping in the middle of Flinders St to pray, while crossing the road, with cars streaming by each way, because it felt good to have a partner you could pray with instantly whenever the need arose, wherever you were!). Early on I gave her my only valuable possession: my 'FAITH' stone that I had carried around in my pocket from the start of the walk. I told her we were now growing in faith together, and she has carried it everywhere since.

Were there any negatives? Not really. We acted as a team, organising Church of Hope, out on the streets when she was available (she works full time as a civil engineer during the week), and talked to people together about God, and she was with me every step of the way as I worked to get Warren into De Paul House Detox unit, where I visited him every day. When he walked out after four days she supported me in my stress and struggle to cope with loving him further as he went back to the drugs and alcohol and sleeping rough on the street. She also had some spiritual gifts that blossomed together, that gave us confidence in our partnered relationship with God, except.

Except there was one time when she had a dream about finding a stick, with the star of David carved on it, in a park. She had to return the staff to a synagogue which she was very reluctant to do. She told me about the dream the next day and later we went to Church. After Church there was some games on in the hall and we decided to go for a walk together first. As we walked along we went through a park we had never been to before, and she suddenly exclaimed that this was the park from her dream the previous night, and then she got worried that the stick symbolized me, as I had slept in a few parks and had a Jewish family background. She certainly didn't want to have to give me back.. and I thought deeply about it, and we carried on, taking extra care to make sure 'Jesus was at the steering wheel, not us.'

Well after four great months of dating I was thinking asking her to marry me. There was no real need to make an actual decision. In my mind the decision was made back on the Steps, just before I asked her out, when I said to God 'I choose her' and everything that followed was just enjoying seeing how God planned for things to unfold. I was pretty laid back and happy about the relationship. She would often ask me 'Do you have any specific questions, anything you need to know?' and I would say 'not really'. I was just happy to trust in the Lord to see what happened. Trusting him that my decision was his decision, planned from when he knew me, before I was born.

So Monday last week I wasn't planning anything to happen exactly at that time, but when I asked her where she wanted to go for a walk, she decided the State Rose Garden, down at Werribee. We drove there late afternoon and walked around. Tens of thousands of beautiful colored roses all in full bloom, and no one around. Down the back was a little wooden gazebo and we sat down together and I knew it was the right moment. I talked of what she meant to me, got down on one knee and asked her to marry me... she said yes! :) We hugged, kissed and the sun shone as the tears dripped down her face, and I kissed them, those sweet salty tears.

Smile

The next couple of days were my happiest, before they then became my saddest. Wednesday, after my first day back at work at World Vision, I hit the streets only to learn Warren had died of a drug overdose. I was devastated. I had never had a friend die before. We had spent a lot of time together over the year, and while he was happy for me to pray with him a number of times for his struggles, I was never quite sure of the state of his soul, and the chance to reach out to him further, deeper, was gone. I walked around the city for an hour shaking with tears and felt like wandering aimlessly all night. But the Lord cut through my feelings to remind me I was partnered now, and so I called Nella and she drove out and picked me up, and comforted me that night as the grief and shock set in.

The saddest and happiest week of my life. A few guys on the street who were his friend turned deeper to their wine. I am trying to turn deeper to my God, my Father, thinking about how Warren like to be a father figure to the kids on the street. And what of the timing? I later found out he died on the Monday afternoon, the very same moment in time I was out of the city proposing to my girlfriend.. Not that I think my location would have made any difference, as he never took the drugs in my presence. I can take some comfort that that he often said to me "Go spend time with your girlfriend, you deserve it".

So I was the rich man that went out to meet Lazarus. Amazed at my transformation to the point where I am grieving for one of Melbourne's homeless drug addicts. Hoping he is now resting peacefully in the arms of Abraham. Now a homeless beggar myself, engaged to a Godly woman, making herself beautiful in the ways of old. Seeking to walk together, hand in hand, towards God, Heaven, and the friends we shall meet there within.

The 12th Month

So many good things have happened this year that I haven't written about yet.. Even though the last month has been one of my busiest.. as I enter the twelfth month of my Faith Walk on the streets, God's plan can still take a sudden turn..

Plan to the 10th December 2008 (1 year):

Last week I saw a job advertised that involved working with street and homeless people, and I applied for it.

Now I haven't been looking for a job as being a single person, with little or no running expenses, I could carry on operating the way I have this year indefinitely. But with a relationship I need to consider the future implications, and that means some level of financial income.

There were a number of options that came to mind. 1/ I could try and raise financial support from people and organizations interested in my street ministry. 2/ I could get a part time or full time job doing anything and fit in my street work around that or 3/ I could get a job with an organization dealing with the poverty and homelessness around Melbourne that I am involved with.

Of course Jackie Pullenger says not to worry about seeking funds. If God wants you there he will find people to invest in your ministry, regardless of what your 'results' are.. and that if God can look after the thousands of Israelites in the Desert for 40 years.. then he can easily look after you, your family and others, so long as you have faith and keep focused on his work.

While I was thinking about these things it was a job in my field of involvement that I noticed, but I was not sure if I was ready to go back to work yet. I kind of feel that it would be good to be on the streets full time this summer, to capitalise on all I have learned this year. So I put an application in, just to keep the door open while I thought and prayed about it some more.

My application required a reference from my previous employer, so I rang my old World Vision Boss and confirmed she was happy to be a referee. She was happy about it but also let me know they were short staffed for the next month and I was welcome to come back and help them out for a bit, on a casual basis. I thought about it overnight and the next day agreed to help out for November. I start tomorrow.

I'll use the trial work period to assess how it affects my street work. Can I find a balance?

In fact, I have now booked a flight to Alice Springs to return to where I started almost one year ago, at Campfire In The Heart (a wonderful christian spiritual retreat center). I will rest there for the first week of December and reflect on an amazing year and the future ahead..

Weak and Strong

I got off the train at Flinder's St, but I hadn't finished doing the Sudoku puzzle. I really wanted to finish it before heading into the city, so I leaned against a bin at the station platform and kept plugging away at the numbers. Ten minutes later it was complete and, feeling a bit guilty that I had wasted some valuable time, I tossed it in the bin and headed off. Just as I got to the exit gate I ran into Matt. Quite a surprise. I hadn't seen him for months and he told me he was now in some accommodation north of the city and rarely came into the CBD anymore. He was going well and we had a good talk for a few minutes before he headed off, and he asked me to keep praying for him. After he left I thought about how delaying to finish the Sudoku puzzle had worked out in my favour..

A new Grace:
Early on in the year I found my motivation to keep being 'full on' for God waning. After three months of concentration and dedication some of my old habits started to inch their way back into my lifestyle. I started cruising the Internet for fun, ate some junk food, miss spent some money and was 'sleeping in' too long in the mornings. Oh yeah, and I discovered Sudoku. These were not necessarily sinful things, but they were distractions from the mission and I got depressed about it. Change needs to come from within and while you can strip away the negative/distracting things from around you (eg. since being on the streets I hadn't spent any time playing computer games) this only helps so much. The Bible says 'if your eye causes you to sin then pluck it out..' Well you could pluck out your eye but when you hear a friendly female voice you might start imagining what sort of body would go with it..

Stripping away the the things that detract from your relationship with God does help, to a point, but not completely. So after a few weeks of feeling down about myself I prayed to God about it. I asked him that whenever I was weak in my resolve that he would use my weakness for his glory, that he would display his strength when I couldn't..

Well it was like I found a secret door, or something, and as soon as I prayed (walked through it) everything changed immediately! Every time I was weak or heading in a weak direction I had a great positive outcome for God! One Sunday night I stayed over at a friends house, and instead of getting up and heading into the city with him, around 8am the next morning, I slept in until 11am. I got up and went to the station, feeling bad about sleeping in, and there on the platform was Ethan, the gang leader who cleaned St.Paul's steps with me but then disappeared until now (a couple of months later). When I got bored and went to the Internet, I never got there as I would bump into people on the way. When I was hungry and went to buy junk food I would bump into someone else hungry and end up buying the food for them.

One night I was sitting in the Alfred Hospital Emergency Department with someone, after riding there in the ambulance with them, and didn't leave until 1:30am. By that time all the public transport had finished and so I determined to walk back to the shed, about 2hrs away. On My way back through the city I bumped into a couple of guys and, after saying hello, I discussed God with them for and over an hour. They were still chatty by then but I had been up for two days straight, and was really tired, so I excused myself and walked on. Only one block later I bumped into a homeless guy I had just started making friends with and he also wanted to talk about God. So we chatted for half an hour, long enough to be friendly and not rude, before I made an excuse to keep going, as I was feeling exhausted by this time. In fact I didn't want to bump into anyone else and so I went up an alley to the city back streets to avoid anymore meetings. Of course in the next back street was another street guy in a wheelchair that wanted to talk and pray about the death of his father. I gave him a Bible and we read some passages together (there is really not much comfort or hope you can give someone for the death of a non Christian family member..). When we later went our separate ways it was 4am and I really was to tired to keep walking home for another hour (with the chance God was going to lead me to someone else..) so I decided to use most of my remaining funds and I hailed a taxi, slumping into the back seat, eyes wafting across the buildings as they sped by, on my exit out.

I have since had many many situations where God steps in to use my weakness for his glory. And yes I am careful not to be slack as a policy. I still always trying to do my best, it's just when I fall short God steps in and does good things. So when I am weak, he is strong, and I have learnt to trust further in him as a friend.

I used to think that Grace was about Jesus being a safety net. That once you were a Christian, it didn't matter if you muck up from time to time, as Jesus takes the penalty for you. But now I see Grace as an active relationship with God where he works with you for good outcomes. He not just carrys you across the sand, when you are too tired to walk, but he actively builds beautiful sandcastles along the way, as well.

Tree of Knowledge

A couple of weeks ago I was sitting in St.Vincents Hospital with a homeless man who was being treated for intoxication and injury's after a street brawl, where I had ended up calling the police to break it up, before taking the guy in for treatment. The nurses were surprisingly friendly and openly chatting with the guy about the fight and his troubles. As I was sitting by his bed, along came another street guy, who had been in for treatment for a seperate matter. He stopped to say hello and then let us know that when we leave, to come by and meet up with him and some others, 'up at the Tree of Knowledge'.. What?? The Tree of Knowledge(Gen 2:9, 2:17) was here in Melbourne? He described it's location and I later went for a look..

As I stood there I wondered if there was more significant meaning to Jesus's resisting the desert temptation of the devil to turn the stones into bread? In the Garden of Eden, Eve and Adam were tempted by food (from the tree of Knowledge), man fell, and the garden was closed.. Now Jesus in the desert resisted the temptation of food, man was restored and paradise was opened to all those that believe.

Singing is more than singing

Status Update: I am still living in the garden shed and have been fairly busy and enjoying the street ministry. I don't have much money or possessions (the car in the previous post was borrowed from my girlfriend while she was away) although I have accepted a few gifts on the basis they are 'ministry supporting' gifts, such as an mp3 player (for music and sermons) and a mobile phone (leading to Eco Paul's vexation; now questioning my whole journey and experience). [My number is 0401495620].

Thursday Morning:

This morning I stopped by De Paul House (a detox center) where I am checking the waiting list daily, for a friend who wants to get off alcohol and drugs. Unfortunately these centers have waiting lists of a couple of weeks, which is frustrating when you meet a homeless addict crying in the street because he wants help 'right now'. I am hoping he hasn't changed his mind by the time a bed becomes available.. and once he is out, what then?

Then I thought about what God wanted me to do next? I walked down the street to the Brotherhood of St Laurence and and got out my mp3 player and start to sing along with some worship songs. There has been a lot of pain and brokenness coming out of their Coolibah Center (an aged drop in center) due to Christianity no longer being a part of the way things are managed and operated there. So I thought I'd bring a bit of Godly love back, by some Christian singing, outside.

After an hour a thin smelly addict came by (from the Fitzroy Health Center just a bit further down) and she sat down near me. Then she started crying, whining and banging herself against the footpath, in some sort of semi fit. I went over and asked if she was ok, but she hardly gave a response. So I sat down next to her and kept on singing. She settled down and continued to sit and listen for the next half hour, before she got up and walked away. I was reminded a bit of the story of David singing to King Saul to sooth him in his time of trouble.

I stood up and went back to my spot, continuing to sing, and a delivery driver walked by and encouraged me to keep going, he liked it. Later another man stopped by and asked me what I was doing (generally). When I mentioned helping a guy get into detox he smiled and said he was an ex-addict that had gone through detox and then a Christian rehabilitation program out in Albury called Granya House. It runs a six to twelve month program and he was now an advocate for it. He lifted up his top and pulled some brochures out from where he kept them tucked up in the front of his pants and handed me a few. We exchanged numbers, shook hands, and went back to business :)

All up I sung along with 52 worship songs over a 4 hour period, and then headed back into the city. I had pressures to be elsewhere this morning but I am learning the benefits of taking some time to sit still and listen to God, and then perhaps step out of my routine, and try something new.

Update: Just wanted to add Ephesians 6:19 "Speak to one another with psalm, hymns and spiritual songs."

Tid bits:

Today:
As I go in and out of the State Library every few days, I have gotten to know one of the security guards here. Today we traded stories. He (knowing what I do) asked me for my testimony of what led me to this journey.. and in return he told me about the homeless people around the Library. (One man used to sleep in front of the Library doors every night, but was bashed there a month ago. The guard came across the beaten man and called the police and ambulance. The bashers were caught but the homeless man hasn't been seen since. I guess he doesn't feel safe there anymore.)

Yesterday:
I went to court in the morning to support Dougy, but his cases were adjourned for a month. Then I played table tennis with a homeless man who just wanted a quick hit, as he hadn't played for 20 years. He really enjoyed it and we ended up playing for a couple of hours and he began screaming and swearing with excitement, before the center closed for the day. Then I took another street guy ten pin bowling, which was fun. Afterwards I came across Dougy in a back street where he was shouting at anyone in his range. He shook my hand and I asked him what was wrong? He said he was upset as he had just blown $170 at the TAB and then he headed off to State Trustees to try and get some more money..

The day before Yesterday:
I took a street guy in a wheel chair to Credos for dinner. While there I got a call on my mobile phone from my girlfriend, who was in Darwin doing some mission work with the Bagot Community Indigenous Church. One of her friends had contacted her about a man that had a heart attack and was now in Box Hill Hospital. The man was unwell and urgently wanted someone Christian to talk with. I immediately drove out to the hospital and met him. I called my girlfriend and put him on speakerphone as she got the Bagot pastor and church to pray for him live, during the service. Afterwards the man told me he was born in Tanzania (to missionary parents) and I told him about the faith walk I did there ten years ago. I mentioned the missionary vet lady I had stayed with in Dodoma, at the time, and was surprised to find out he knew her as she was currently his neighbour, out in Blackburn North! We both felt it was God's plan that we meet. It's what we call a 'Divine Appointment'.

Social Group Change - Autumn

Over Summer, I mostly hung out with the alcoholics, drug users, and indigenous people on the street. After I was away sick for a week, early March, I came back to find most of them had gone. Why? It's not easy to work out. I think it is mostly a range of factors..

First: it was getting cooler, and while it is easy to maintain a '24hr party' with hot days and warm nights, when it gets cold consistently, people start looking for warmth and shelter. Warren was the master of sleeping rough and not being bothered by the cold, he seemed totally immune to it. He was one of those gone when I returned from my week away sick. I always wondered where he had gone for the last six months. I had a phone number for his mum at her home in the country, he had trusted me with, but I was pretty sure he would not have returned there, and I didn't feel I could call her up without his permission, as there were probably issues there. Then just a few weeks ago, I found him on the street again. He was excited to see me and told my he had got himself a place to rent further up north, and was doing much better. He wants me to come up and visit him there as soon as possible. After a while we sat down on the sidewalk and he was shivering from the cold. I had almost forgotten about it with my thermals. I offered him one of my tops or a blanket, but he refused (out of pride) and just sat there for the next hour shaking. I said to him "the cold never even bothered you before?" and he replied that even for him "once you have had it good living in a heated flat, it's impossible to go back" (to not being bothered by the cold). Infact a lot of people are like Warren in such that they come in to the city over Summer, party all night and day, and then head back out to the country over the Winter. It's also as good as a holiday to have a mental break by leaving the city for a few months and just getting away while it's cold. This particularly applies to the indigenous community.

Another reason why people disappeared was that they went back to jail. BJ soon disappeared after he told me he was due back in court for assault. When I first met him on the street he told me about how hard life was to cope with (personal drive and responsibility) and he expected to have fun for a while, then 'muck up' and return to the safe routine jail. His own words becoming a self fulfilled prophecy.

Also, late March, I was told (from a reliable source) of an official Police crackdown in the area. In other suburbs you are allowed to drink publicly (such as Smith St Collingwood) but where it was banned around Swanston St in the city the police response changed from checking up on things every few hours, to an immediate response the moment someone sat down with a drink. Once I was sitting down at the meeting place and along came Robbie and he opened up a can of VB and along came the cops within 5 minutes. They told him 'there's a new boss, and we have to enforce the rules now..' I chuckled, as it implied they didn't enforce the rules in the past, which they certainly did. Which is totally fine in my eyes. They are there to protect the community and enforce the law, and it's probably in the community's best interests not to have excessive drinking and drunkenness around such an open public area of the city. Even Dougy was told he would be left alone as long as he didn't come up to the top end of town, and stayed away for months.

So people I had started building relationships moved on, and that was ok (I have caught up with most of them again at different points over the Winter), but it made it a lot harder for me to find people to sit and talk with. I felt the wind had gone a bit out of my sails, but it worked out well as my eyes were opened to another social group. Those street people that were no threat, not into any crime, but were hanging around all day and night, just chatting to each other. They were the Disability Pension group, and I started to get to know them.

Spring is Here :)

The thermal underwear is off this week, as Winter has come to an end. It's warming up, and I continue walking on, into Spring..

I've just come back from the local shops in Balwyn (where I have been house sitting my parents place while they are away). When I sat down at a cafe for a drink, a guy next to me asked what my top(Cross on front / 24hr Church on back) was about? I explained that after an experience of going to Heaven and meeting God, a couple of years ago, the story of 'the rich man and Lazarus' [Luke 16:19-31] spoke strongly to me, and after 30 years of being a Christian and not taking any notice of beggars and street people, I decided to do something about it by direct experi-action.. and I lived on the city streets over summer and in a garden shed, through winter, to get to know and understand the community..

He replied "Don't punish yourself to hard, it's not your fault." and he then got up and walked away. I called out "It's something that I wanted to do.."

Punish? I thought as I continued to sit there.. This is not punishment, it is freedom. This Journey has been the most interesting, challenging and rewarding experience of my life! What was not my fault? Certainly that I had never taken an interest in the 'Lazarus people' was my fault, but was it my fault that they were there? Perhaps as a cooperate Christian, yes I did have some responsibility. (I am beginning to think that street people are there; not due to a lack of material support, but rather a lack of spiritual support..)

Time for some updates to let people know what's been going on..

Winter Weather

Yep, it's cold.

Winter, my one biggest fear when I started out in the summer, and now it is here. To me it is 'the eye of the needle', expectantly the most difficult part of the year to get through on the street, and yet I am... ok! How have I coped?

First a few months ago my mum gave me a woolen beanie, on her birthday. That night I was talking to Goaty and he suddenly said "I like that beanie, I'll swap you for my cap" and reached out his hand. I straight away traded our hats and noticed how dirty, and slightly bloodied, his cap was and lightly put it on my head (but didn't pull it down tight because it was so yucky). Later that night I felt bad that mum had given me a special gift and only hours later I had given it away, but also conflicted as I felt giving a homeless person something I had to help them keep warm was also the right thing to do.. I went back to Goaty and explained to him the beanie had been a gift from my mum and could I have it back? He was very good and said he understood how special it was and thanked me for letting him wear it for the last couple of hours. Over the course of the next two weeks the issue played on my mind and in the end I went back to Goaty and explained again how special the beanie was and gave it to him as a gift. He said he appreciated it, although I doubted it as he has short term memory problems and often completely changes his clothes from week to week. In the meantime a friend gave me a different beanie which I have been using and I explained to mum what happened and she was understanding about it. A few weeks ago I had a hair cut (No.3 all over) and boy did I notice the cold then! but with the beanie on and hood up it has kept my head warmth trapped. Also a friend said the beanie and hoodie combo was true streetie fashion! Last week I was pleasantly surprised when I saw Goaty in different clothes but still with my mums beanie on :)

The thermal underwear I got at the start of march worked well over Autumn but failed when the real cold hit and the wind was cutting through. Thankfully I was given another tshirt, woolen vest, a second set of thermal underwear and a new pair of pants. The old pair wore out and tore open all around my thighs and bum area but I was so busy it took two weeks before I found the time to go to the shops and buy a new pair with a generous financial donation from a friend. For a wile I wanted to get another pair of brown pants, to keep my appearance consistent, but unable to find any I went and got some cargo pants, which I thought looked brown in the shop but turned out to be green when I was outside. But I have been really happy with them as the extra pockets around the knees have been really helpful, especially now that I carry a notebook, pen and was given a small complete Bible, which keeping in my pocket as I walk acts as my Christian tefillin (the Jewish act of keeping your scriptural beliefs strapped to your body).

So I am wearing 6 tops and 3 pants! The cold has been blocked out. I wanted to be hard core authentic and keep wearing the sandals, and for a while my feet seemed to cope. But when the temp started dropping below 10 degrees I added socks and finally I caved and switched to an old pair of brown runners, which have been a wonderful treat, and at first I felt a bit guilty about not being challenged enough by the cold, but after one night where I lost all feeling in my hands from numbness, I bought some fingerless gloves ($2) for the day, and was donated some full gloves for the night. Winter gear complete, I can now walk around the city without being bothered by the cold anymore. While other street people have also geared up for Winter I am surprised by the number of people who stand around in light open clothing and tell me that the cold just doesn't bother them.

What about sleeping?? Well the shed is just as cold inside as it is outside. I don't do any sitting around when I get there but go straight to sleep. So I quickly get into the sleeping bag with my thermals on and it is good enough to keep me warm all night.

There was a period of adjustment over the first few weeks of July where I was really struggling with the cold, and I also wanted to take some time out from my normal routine to do some Bible study and meditation. I thought of staying at the Mother Theresa's men's refuge for a couple of weeks but they have a night curfew that conflicted with some commitments that I still wanted to be available for. I prayed hard about it and God answered by providing me with a Hotel room for two weeks! A street friend who lives with his dad has a gambling addiction which he spends all his disability pension on. For extra money he begs in the street with a sleeping bag by his side (as a prop). One night someone came by and offered to put him up in a hotel room for two weeks. My friend took up the offer but when he saw it was just a simple budget room he preferred his own bedroom. He tried to refund the booking to get the money to use for his gambling habit, but there were no refunds allowed. So he was about to tear up the voucher and throw away the room key when I sat down and he offered it to me. It was a real blessing, being in the CBD being able to rest and come and go as easily as I pleased. It was also funny as people were asking me how I was coping in the cold and I would say 'Oh, I'm in a hotel..' Actually the best thing about the room was not the warmth.. it was the light. Being able to lie there at night and read my Bible for hours before going to sleep was fantastic. I worked through Romans and both Corinthians books, and even had some good talks in the TV room with a girl who was into Scientology (you know.. the Tom Cruise Religion).

Funnily enough when I got back to using the shed this week I found it very homely and restful. I have located a candle, I got from a friends wedding a month ago, and was able to start reading Galatians ch2, in which Paul meets most of the Apostles for the first time in 14 years. The only advice they gave him in his ministry was: to remember the poor, the very thing he was eager to do.

BLOG WRITING CHANGE

Well things have finally slowed down a bit and it is time to return to this blog. I apologize for being away so long, but two things happened..

First, I felt God saying to me in Mid February that the daily diary nature of the blog should not continue past the first three months. the blog started out as a personal record of what would happen if you did the 'Rich man' challenge and do a Faith Walk, trusting in God's providence for everything materially and spiritually. It was also a communication tool to keep my family and close friends advised as to where I was and what I was doing. As I went along people found the blog interesting enough that they passed it on to others, and soon the readership grew beyond what I expected and felt comfortable with. I was uncomfortable that I might be discussing peoples personal stories in too public a forum (despite using pseudonyms) and it might cause people on the street concern if they found out. Perhaps it could even cause a backlash that would not make it possible to continue. A number of people who work in the 'streets' area told me they had read this blog, and so the chance of this happening was quite real. From a positive angle, I was also pleased to discover there were cultural connections with those I thought had no interest and relationship with the homeless. After praying about how to handle the situation I felt God saying to limit the daily story to the first 3 months but I intend to continue on beyond that with personal reflection and general updates.

The second thing that happened was that my routine changed and God kept me so busy that I didn''t even have the time to finish the last entry of the first three months (until yesterday), and while yes I was that busy, and yes I could have sacrificed some sleep to do an update if I really wanted to, I had a negative gut reaction to it until now.

So I am happy to let you know I am still going strong, happy and learning as much as ever; still out here and I will have an update as to what I did over Autumn very soon.

Thurs/Fri/Sat 8-10th March 07

Three months of Faith Walking were coming to a close. It had been an amazing experience of learning and growing in my relationships with God and others. This would have been the perfect time to bring it to an end and return to regular work and life, but I first had to check what God wanted..

Thursday
I slept most of Thursday. When I got up I went and sat on the couch, in the back yard, and thought about the frustration of reaching out to all those guys about Alpha, and none of them turning up. When my mate came by I asked him his opinion about the different types of thermal underwear and to my surprise he said he had an extra set he didn't really need, and went and got them for me! Well my wondering about whether synthetic or wool was best was resolved, he had one of each. Some blue synthetic pants and a brown wool top. That night I headed out to hear a friend's band play at a pub, and so I put the thermals on to test them out. They worked well except the woolen top was prickly against my skin, and so I did a little switcheroo and put my t-shirt on under the woolen top, and it was fine after that. Walking back to the shed that night I found the thermals were very effective in keeping me warmer, although it wasn't winter yet..

Friday
A funny thing happened. In the morning, before I headed off into the city, each of the house mates stopped by for a chat at different times, and each one told me that I was welcome to use the shed whenever I wanted, for as long as they were there.. wow (I later checked with my mate and he confirmed they had not discussed it with each other). So I now had the warmer clothing and shelter if I needed it. I really felt God was speaking to me through this that provision had been made for me to continue on with my journey through the Winter.

Later I was back at HJs and the manager noticed me at near the counter and said "weren't you the guy I wouldn't give the water to? I have since thought about it and decided you were right, I should have given you the drink." I thanked him and said not to worry about it.

In the evening I went to my friends place for our Friday night tv catchup. He asked me if I was going to have a shower and I explained I was still on my food/washing fast until the ten days was up (tomorrow). He offered to wash my feet for me (on account they were a bit smelly) but I said that would still be breaking the rules of the fast I had set myself. Over the next couple of minutes I thought about it some more and decided that the purpose of the fast had been to receive guidance from God as to whether to continue the Faith walk beyond the three month period, and I felt that I had received that answer in the recent provisions. So I felt comfortable about ending it a day early and went and had a shower, followed by a hot dinner :)

Saturday
I visited my family for my Dad and brothers combined birthday get together, and relaxed. I thought about what God would have in store for me as I continued on. Since the first 3 months had now come to and end, and I had decided to continue on through Winter, I thought it most likely that I wouldn't need to rethink my direction until probably December 07, a year later from when the Journey began..

Busy Busy.. all good :)

Hello friends,

Just a quick note to say I am ok and all is well.

I will force some time into this week to do some sort of catch up post! Briefly, I have been getting to know new groups, helping out others and discussing God with many people. With colder temperatures I have switched to using the Poustinia (retreat shed) as a main sleeping spot, but with so much happening I still do quite a few all nighters.

God Bless you in your lives :)

John


UPDATE: Monday07 May
Um.. every time I headed to the internet that week something happened and I have been full on busy walking, talking and meeting people all day, every day, since then.. but I AM free tomorrow arvo (if 'He' lets me) to do some blogging then... I hope...

UPDATE 2: 08 May
Nope.. After visiting dad in the hospital, I walked back into the city, taking a 'different' route to get to the internet but bumped into Jason and we came to the library to play a game of chess.. which is important since it's our first meeting since the police incident. (Tomorrow I plan to find a computer outside the city..)