Sell everything, give to the poor, follow me...

Goodbye Dougy..

2008-07-15T23:12:00.004+10:00

Well sad news over the weekend that Dougy was found dead early Sat morning (circumstances presently unknown). It took a couple of days for the emotion to hit, but it did, and I spent today wandering around town. I found a full packet of cigarettes and a ten dollar note on the ground, which would have made Dougy very happy.

I hadn't spoken to Dougy this year. In fact the last time we spoke was about October last year, after I sat with him in court, with his social worker and celebrity lawyer (someone I didn't know from Big Brother). He had a long list of serious charges that should have seen him put away but the Judge took a different tact.. deciding the best chance for Doug, and perhaps society, was for him to report daily to the Salvation Army 'Oasis Program' for down and out men in need of intensive personal care. As we left the building he shook my hand and thanked me for my support. Then nothing until I spotted him two weeks ago on the ground, out drunk cold, being picked up by an ambulance crew..

He was probably Melbourne's most alcoholic, hospitalized, troublesome, arrested homeless man. When confronted about God, he always replied "he loves me.. he does" and when confronted about his alcoholism, he always replied "I can't help it.. that's the way I am"; a statement of his own submission to the hopelessness in his mind born from the pains and struggles of his heart. And yet in the time I knew him I saw him sober up, commit his life to God, and a few times struggle to free himself from the demon of the bottle. A freedom he now enjoys, at the cost of his own mortality, in a place where hope is reborn. Resting in the arms of Abraham.

Homelessness.. The Answer:

2008-05-09T13:02:00.002+10:00

Homelessness ESS Derivatives: Brokenness, lonlyness, pointless, unhappiness, drunkenness, faithless, helpless, penniless, relationship less..

Relationship less:
Specifically: without relationship with a healthy Christian person(s).
Specifically: a 'healthy Christian' who is not in a paid role relationship or organized limited mission role.

The Balance:
The Homeless in Melbourne are far outnumbered by regular working Church attending Christian people.

THEREFORE:
Statistically a Homeless persons friendship group should be made up of many Christian friends; Christians that have no other Homeless friend other than that one person.

Of Course that is based on the PREMISE that all/most Christians follow God's direct instructions through the Bible and Jesus to make time and develop a meaningful relationship with the lost, poor and homeless of the city they live in.

SYMBOLICALLY
We are an massive army camped on one side of a river, year after year, while the village on the other side is constantly attacked and raided, the people maimed and murdered.

Occasionally some soldiers or small patrols head across the river and return with a message that more help is needed..

Someone's reply: "I know the King has asked us to go across and fight, but I am busy with camp logistics and also my sword is not yet sharp enough."

Another: "I know the King is due back to the camp soon, when that happens he will lead us across the river and we shall crush the enemy under our heel.. how great and glorious will that day be!"

Where to now?
As a single person I have been able to make the time to build relationships with some of the poor and homeless of Melbourne.

As a married person (with a baby on the way) my challenge is to find some time (an hour a week, a day a month?) to continue to build on those relationships and witness God.

What's your challenge?

Heading Home

2008-05-06T14:54:00.005+10:00

After a honeymoon in New Zealand (starting in Christ Church because Nella liked the name) we returned home to Nella's house in Werribee (where she has a mortgage, and I guess by proxy, I now do too.. I can't claim to be homeless anymore!).

On the plane flight back I sat between Nella and an elderly lady who was reading a christian book of some sort. Leaning towards Nella I whispered 'I'll make contact..' and pulled out my Bible and started to read it. Reading your Bible next to a stranger Christian is usually guaranteed to draw a comment from them (something about safe zones) but in this case the lady lent back and fell asleep. I noticed on the page she had open the heading 'Rest in the Lord'. So when she awoke a bit latter I commented to her that she was taking the 'Rest in the Lord' section literally.. We chatted a bit and I asked er what church she went to and she said she didn't attend any church; she was a 'Christadelphian'.

I had heard the name but knew nothing about them. She explained a few things and I realized they were very similar to Jehovah's Witnesses [in fact I looked them up later and it seems the Jehovah's Witnesses founders drew many of their secting doctrines from the Christadelphians..] Well I had recently boned up on that area of theology and so we discussed the nature of Jesus and what the 'Word become flesh' was all about. While the conversation was civil, I didn't feel she was discussing as much as she was teaching; or at least stating a definitive position.

I have noticed over time some Pharisaical trends with believers from more radical sectarian belief systems. When I set out to discuss theological topics with them, I find they do not discuss them back, rather they tend to centre themselves from a teaching position, addressing your questions and probes intelligently, but never questioning or probing my positions back. In short they are happy to be questioned, as an opening to give their information and ideas, but they are not interested in receiving any back, a fore mark to fundamentalism.

As the aeroplane landed in Melbourne she handed me a piece of paper with her phone number and said I was welcome to contact her further. When we got back to our place in Werribee I switched on the Christian Channel and playing was a program explaining, verse by verse, the basis for the theology of the Trinity. It was God was confirming in more detail, the ideas I had just been trying to express.. later I looked at her phone number again, and wondered what I would say if I ever called.. "Hello, I just called to let you know God has confirmed to me that you are wrong. I'd like to tell you.... " I'm not sure that's the best thing to do. I put the number away for the time being.

WEDDING MARCH 8th 2008:

2008-05-05T13:49:00.000+10:00

The wedding was wonderful, much better than we both expected. Three months of pressure cooker planning resulting in a dreamy day which all enjoyed. The ceremony was at the Lutheran Church, the service was led by our Church of Hope (AoG) pastors and the vows were led by our Baptist minister (Also our Anglican Vicar in the congregation).. who said we all(denominations) can't all get along. We had the cross carried into the Church first, to symbolise the priority in our lives, and we made our vows on our knees, before God. Afterwards, outside, we released some doves, which everyone enjoyed.

We wanted the day's experience to have some important Biblical themes, and so we invited as many people as we could, choosing to have a cheaper buffet meal so we could invite more guests (200 people). Of course many of those were friends from the street. But as in the Bible story.. many were unable to come to the banquet, some deliberately because they were annoyed with us or other attendees. Some probably didn't feel they would be comfortable there, in a crowd at a special occasion with many others around. What ever the reason it was a surprise who came and who stayed away, will it be similar at the rapture?

We also followed Jesus's suggestion to invite some strangers to your meal, and boy are we glad we did. The strangers were exceptionally grateful and happy for the invite and the best thing of all happened.. A couple from Malaysia (parents of a guest we said to come along) gave their hearts to God at the reception! We think that is the best wedding present.. our marriage bringing others into the kingdom.. hopefully symbolic of our future with God and each other :) There was one person who came to the reception un-invited, but we chose not to tie him up and throw him outside. LOL.

END OF THE FAITH WALK ?

2008-02-08T13:36:00.000+11:00

"The seventy-two returned with joy.."
St Francis followed Jesus's instructions for heading out on a Faith Walk, yet unlike the twelve and the seventy two, he never returned from his walk back to his cultural normality.. yet those Jesus sent out as a part of his discipleship training did return, and they returned with Joy.

Where am I? Why haven't I been around? Is it over? yes/no..

I had initially intended to only work part time at World Vision for a month, to earn some money towards the cost of my impending marriage, and I planned to continue with the streets on my off days. But getting married is very much like starting a Faith Walk. Your not really sure what lies ahead, and you don't understand all the implications of what your getting involved with, and you just have to trust in God that it will all work out. Many things change.

The biggest impacting decision we(my fiance and I) made was the wedding date: March 8th 2008. Once that was decided all discussion and focus other than the wedding was pretty much set aside. I was moving around between house sitting, overnighting at my fiance's parent's place, visiting her at her place and trying to get in some streets in as well. The problem was she lives in Werribee and World Vision is in Burwood, which are the opposite sides of the city, and I was traveling back and forth for about 5hrs each day and only getting 6hrs sleep a night. It wore me out pretty quick.

I had been balancing streets and relationship pretty well, but as time became more valuable I studied the Bible and listened to sermons that became pretty clear that you need to prioritize a marriage above mission, when they are at odds. So streets got reduced down to a few hours a week, as I focused on the new direction God had set for my life.

A wedding is also much more expensive than I realized, which helps me understand why some street couples are yet to make their partnerships a wedded one.. So when World Vision invited me to stay on longer than a month. I agreed and ended up staying there for 3 months and decided to leave at the end of January, just last week. For February I am focused on getting the final wedding plans in place and hoping to get back around the streets for a month, re-connecting and building on my experience there last year.

So it's finally dawning on me that my Homeless Faith Walk Journey is over. But hang on.. am I giving up? is it biblical? Well yes and no.

No I am not giving up. I plan to be involved and around the streets of Melbourne for the rest of my life, but in a different way. I am going to try and get backing to do paid street ministry around Melbourne, else I will work to support my family and do as much as I can around that.

Yes it is Biblical. The disciples returned, Jesus returned to Heaven, and each has his own path to be drawn to God, and you need to be true to God's plan for your life above all others expectations. As the disciples did, I have Joy about how I have walked with God and I also have great Joy about where my future with God is heading.

Jesus went ahead to prepare a feast to those he has invited to the banquet. I am excited about inviting many of my friends from the streets to share in my wedding banquet next month. My hope is that I can continue to help them (and others) find Joy with God.

Broken Door..

2008-02-07T13:00:00.000+11:00

I returned to the Shed late November 07, after I house sat a friends place for a week, and found the door broken (actually it had been kicked in by an angry guy while high on drugs, upset as he was getting evicted from the main house). I saw it as a sign that the time of the Shed(Poustinia) was over. A sign of an end of a covenant, perhaps like a curtain that was torn in two; the end of my homelessness? the end of the Faith Walk?

An incredible thing happened tonight~!

2007-12-13T00:33:00.000+11:00

A street friend who has been a Christian in belief but not in action, came up to me tonight and told me, in reference to a long running argument and shunning of another street person (over a trivial matter, but the tensions between the two escalated to involve the police at one point), that he prayed about the situation and decided to be friendly to the other person again. Incredible~!! I am so happy :)

Surprisingly, I have shunned my first person..

2007-12-12T15:37:00.000+11:00

Throughout my life I have been shunned by many many people.. friends and relatives. For what reason? Well that’s one of the problems of shunning.. they rarely tell you. To tell you would be communication, which is what they are avoiding.. so it’s a catch 22 situation, and incredibly hurtful and un loving.. which is why I have considered shunners the least respected people in society and something I vowed never to do.. until now..

JHW

The Friday and Saturday night ‘steps’ outreach I have been involved in has been going great this year. We talk to a lot of people about God and have someone commit their life every few weeks. Recently there has been another person on the scene that came up to me to talk about the importance having a Bible with the name ‘Jehovah’ in it, rather than the standard modern translation of ‘Lord’. Yep, he was a ‘Jehovah’s Witness’ (JHW).

I had never chatted with a JHW before, except once (years ago) when some came to my door and I asked them what the difference was between what they believed and regular Christianity, and they didn’t know. They said they would ask their pastor and come back and tell me.. but they never returned and I never thought about it any further. So when this guy came up to talk to me I was curious to understand more about who they were.

He said he was just interested in open discussions of the scriptures but as we talked it seemed more instructional than discussional, and it chewed up a lot of time. I did some research and discovered JHW’s don’t consider Jesus part of the trinity of God, Hell not to exist and the Gifts of the Spirit to be dead and finished.. among many other very worrying doctrines. I tried to discuss it with him but he kept referring back to key verses that he said you had to know the original Greek to understand. For every point I made he had a counter point ready. I felt like he was using a telesales call centre phone script which pre plan conversational flow charts for every variant and response to keep the customer on track for the sale. In fact he had just that.. a guide book to argue JHW theology, which he later showed me.

While I like to discuss God with anyone, the amount of time (hours each week) he was taking up was becoming a problem because it was drawing me, and others, away from the ministry outreach we were there for. But he kept interrupting us despite our requests to be left alone during our outreach. And so he changed from ‘Pharisee’ (someone more interested in arguing theology than acting it out) to a ‘wolf in sheep’s clothing’ (someone appearing Godly and Christian motivated but actively/deliberately having a negative effect on the outreach gospel message work).

At first when the pastor I was outreaching with asked me not to spend time with him, I wasn’t convinced it was the right response. But it took time for the JHW’s true nature to come out (Deception, Distraction and a Devaluation of the God I believe in). I told him I didn’t mind him being there but I asked him not to interrupt me during my outreach as it was no longer an appropriate time or place to talk to him. Then I took it to God in prayer about how to handle the situation.

Surprisingly I got a very clear response back from God that I was ‘not to engage him’. Despite my previous feelings on shunning (and I think there are many problems of interpretation and application in reference to the ‘Expel the immoral brother’ Biblical passage..) I have a much stronger position.. and that is to follow God’s instructions when they are clearly given. I viewed myself as a warrior on a battlefield, and although I felt strong enough to handle the enemy I was facing, I needed to submit to the general’s command of when to advance and, when to retreat. So the next week when JHW came up to talk to me I said “God has told me not to engage you” and he replied “How could he do that? God doesn’t interact with humans..” I almost chocked. The whole Bible is God interacting with Humans! I responded “That’s your view, not mine” and walked away.

The following week I had a dream. The JHW got into an argument with a steps pastor and it became a physical fight. Then I went and talked to the JHW church and explained that Jehovah is also know as Father and a father interacts with his children. Jesus is known as Friend and friends communicate with each other. And the Holy Spirit is know as Councillor and councillors talk to their clients. So by their very names the God Trinity is defined as a God of interaction. In the dream the JHW Church listened and agreed there was no argument against that line of reasoning, but nor were they interested in changing.

So last weekend we were out on the steps again, and even as people stopped to listen to our testimonies the JHW guy would come up to them and draw them away from listening to us. And when we would be talking directly to people he would step in and question what we were saying. At one point the JHW guy had bumped into the Pastor as he pushed his way into the Pastors conversation with someone, and so the Pastor gave the JHW a paper print out listing the verses that refer to the Trinity and Hell, to which the JHW guy responded that he was going to sue him..

So I am beginning to see the wisdom in God’s instruction in this case. I see the possibility that shunning may have a role, but only after very careful prayer and consideration. It is a very dangerous and destructive tool when inappropriately applied (I did give the curtesy of explaining ‘why’ to the person I applied it to). Now I have to have Faith that the matter is in God’s hands to deal with, and focus on those who’s hearts God has prepared: to sow the good seed.

Engagement Tears

2007-11-14T19:23:00.000+11:00

Last August I was wandering around the city and I noticed a girl singing on a microphone out on Swanston St, in front of St.Paul's Cathedral. She was singing Christian songs, shyly, to a backing tape, virtually all alone, except for a couple of guys nearby handing out tracts (printed Christian material). She was very pretty and I stopped, watched and listened from a distance. As I stood there I thought to my self 'any girl who loves God enough to sing songs to Jesus in the street, is a girl I'm interested in'. Now, just over a year later, we are engaged to be married! :)

Love on the Streets:

When I started my Faith Walk I never had any intention of getting involved in a relationship. In fact I had never even been in a relationship (except with God). Sure I grew up interested in girls, it's just I never went 'looking' for a relationship. I was always focused on exploring my spirituality and the few times when I did express my interest in someone, it was never returned. Making the decision to leave my career and sell all I had also included an acceptance within my self that I may never experience that side of life, as I wouldn't consider myself of interest to any girl (based on today's materialism and financial security priorities, let alone the psychological and spiritual complexities added into my life's journey this year).

When I started attending a Church comprising of homeless and street people (Church of Hope) I was happy to discover the girl I had seen a couple of moths earlier was helping out with the singing and worship music during the services. And when I joined the Flinder's St Steps outreach choir, late Saturday nights, she was there too. I stood next to her when we sang, but never made any attempt to communicate with her, as I was fully loaded with dealing with being newly homeless at the time.

I was immersed in the street world, living and sleeping rough, with guys like Warren (wrapped in cardboard down alleyways) and it took all my attention and focus on God just to survive. Actually, I had once mentioned to a friend that my biggest enemies to watch out for would be 'the distraction of girls' and 'pride'. One person from America emailed me some questions about the issue of female relationships in my situation, and I pretty much rebuffed the suggestion of any possibilities. Not that their aren't any relationships on the streets; their are lots, albeit they tend not to be very healthy ones. I remember one girl was walking along with mention "I've lost my boyfriend, I can't find him.." "What's his name?" I asked. "I'm not sure" she said. "How long have you been going out?" I asked. "He's my third boyfriend today.." she replied!

After a few months I started helping out at the Church, which later grew into a leadership role. I discovered the girl's name was Nella and we became friendly, chatting and helping each other with tasks and supporting each other on the streets. She had come to Church of Hope a few years ago as she felt God asking her to change from hating drug dealers and addicts (that influenced one of her friends) to loving them [Love your enemies]. This is her testimony that gives on the Sat night 'Steps' microphone every few weeks (last week she gave her testimony and someone listening decided to give their heart to the Lord!) So we started singing duets together at Church, chatted as a team at the food vans and visited people in hospitals together.

As Winter approached I was quite interested in Nella but the implications of making a step in that direction seriously concerned me.. could be a gift? could be a distraction? I had to weigh up and think about all the implications and what God would want, before I even gave a hint of interest. I thought talked to a few few people about the theology of singleness Vs partnership, and an Orthodox priest said something good about 'walking hand in hand together towards God'.

I worked on the friendship a bit more: the first time I called her from a pay phone I hoped the conversation might go for at least five minutes.. it went on for three hours! (well I just listened mostly) At one point I was tired from standing so I reached around the side of the booth and grabbed some milk crates to sit on. And then one night we were at the Steps and she was nearby with a friend talking to a girl (stranger) about the grief and difficulties of the recent death of that girl's mother. She was standing quietly in the dim light, with a hood up (almost biblical) and she was full of compassion. I said in my mind (and I guess my heart) 'ok God, I choose her', which surprised me, as I have never really asked god for any thing before.

I am always very strict on myself for saying 'what you will Lord', and this was the first time I actually bypassed that. Well I said nothing and it started to rain, so we all went our separate ways. After Nella went to drive home I went back into the city (about 12:30am) and sat and thought about things more. About half and hour later Nella called me on my mobile and asked me (as it was raining) if I wanted a lift back to the Shed. I was surprised and thought 'she must be half way home by now' but said 'sure!' right away. [She later told me that despite the fact she had left the city she felt prompted by the spirit to call me and come back to offer the lift.] So we drove back to the shed and as we neared I was trying to work up the courage to ask her out, but my adrenaline was pumping too fast and I chickened out, and she went home.

The following week she dropped me home again and gave me a shiny new blanket to help keep me warm in the night. I thought I would try a little tester and so asked her if she was curious would she like to come back and see the shed? She said yes and we walked round the back of the house for a look. After she was happy it was solid and fairly weatherproof we walked back to the car. As she said goodbye I asked her out. She was fairly shocked, thinking I was like a monk and not interested in that sort of thing, and I explained that I was but being independent gives you leeway to make your own rules :) She said she was concerned that she wouldn't want to be a 'distraction to the mission' and despite my assurance that she was a valued support, not a hindrance, she left to drive home, leaving me standing there thinking 'right, time to move on.'

Two days later I was at a friends house when she called me up. She wanted to explain further that she was interested but very concerned about a relationship impacting my work. I too was similarly concerned but I had the benefit of chewing it over for a couple of months first while she only had a couple of days. We discussed it for a few hours and by the end we agreed to give it a go! Woo Hoo. The next night she called me back and grilled me for another three hours about my history and intentions. She didn't want her time wasted and we agreed we were both only interested in the relationship as long as we were looking for a marriage partner and that God would be first in all things. That night I got out the blanket she had bought me and slept in it, even though it was a bit cold (without the sleeping bag), as a metaphor that I would commit to the relationship even if it wasn't always providing me quite enough warmth. I got through the night and a few days later we went on our first date.

We got on better than we expected and were constantly surprised about how much we had in common. We worked on keeping a high commitment to street mission as well as alone time, and I kept a sharp eye out for any signs from God as to approval or disapproval. In fact the street work went even better and we felt good about being a good example of a proper Christian relationship to our street community. A few times she had strong headaches and I prayed for healing and they instantly disappeared (once stopping in the middle of Flinders St to pray, while crossing the road, with cars streaming by each way, because it felt good to have a partner you could pray with instantly whenever the need arose, wherever you were!). Early on I gave her my only valuable possession: my 'FAITH' stone that I had carried around in my pocket from the start of the walk. I told her we were now growing in faith together, and she has carried it everywhere since.

Were there any negatives? Not really. We acted as a team, organising Church of Hope, out on the streets when she was available (she works full time as a civil engineer during the week), and talked to people together about God, and she was with me every step of the way as I worked to get Warren into De Paul House Detox unit, where I visited him every day. When he walked out after four days she supported me in my stress and struggle to cope with loving him further as he went back to the drugs and alcohol and sleeping rough on the street. She also had some spiritual gifts that blossomed together, that gave us confidence in our partnered relationship with God, except.

Except there was one time when she had a dream about finding a stick, with the star of David carved on it, in a park. She had to return the staff to a synagogue which she was very reluctant to do. She told me about the dream the next day and later we went to Church. After Church there was some games on in the hall and we decided to go for a walk together first. As we walked along we went through a park we had never been to before, and she suddenly exclaimed that this was the park from her dream the previous night, and then she got worried that the stick symbolized me, as I had slept in a few parks and had a Jewish family background. She certainly didn't want to have to give me back.. and I thought deeply about it, and we carried on, taking extra care to make sure 'Jesus was at the steering wheel, not us.'

Well after four great months of dating I was thinking asking her to marry me. There was no real need to make an actual decision. In my mind the decision was made back on the Steps, just before I asked her out, when I said to God 'I choose her' and everything that followed was just enjoying seeing how God planned for things to unfold. I was pretty laid back and happy about the relationship. She would often ask me 'Do you have any specific questions, anything you need to know?' and I would say 'not really'. I was just happy to trust in the Lord to see what happened. Trusting him that my decision was his decision, planned from when he knew me, before I was born.

So Monday last week I wasn't planning anything to happen exactly at that time, but when I asked her where she wanted to go for a walk, she decided the State Rose Garden, down at Werribee. We drove there late afternoon and walked around. Tens of thousands of beautiful colored roses all in full bloom, and no one around. Down the back was a little wooden gazebo and we sat down together and I knew it was the right moment. I talked of what she meant to me, got down on one knee and asked her to marry me... she said yes! :) We hugged, kissed and the sun shone as the tears dripped down her face, and I kissed them, those sweet salty tears.

Smile

The next couple of days were my happiest, before they then became my saddest. Wednesday, after my first day back at work at World Vision, I hit the streets only to learn Warren had died of a drug overdose. I was devastated. I had never had a friend die before. We had spent a lot of time together over the year, and while he was happy for me to pray with him a number of times for his struggles, I was never quite sure of the state of his soul, and the chance to reach out to him further, deeper, was gone. I walked around the city for an hour shaking with tears and felt like wandering aimlessly all night. But the Lord cut through my feelings to remind me I was partnered now, and so I called Nella and she drove out and picked me up, and comforted me that night as the grief and shock set in.

The saddest and happiest week of my life. A few guys on the street who were his friend turned deeper to their wine. I am trying to turn deeper to my God, my Father, thinking about how Warren like to be a father figure to the kids on the street. And what of the timing? I later found out he died on the Monday afternoon, the very same moment in time I was out of the city proposing to my girlfriend.. Not that I think my location would have made any difference, as he never took the drugs in my presence. I can take some comfort that that he often said to me "Go spend time with your girlfriend, you deserve it".

So I was the rich man that went out to meet Lazarus. Amazed at my transformation to the point where I am grieving for one of Melbourne's homeless drug addicts. Hoping he is now resting peacefully in the arms of Abraham. Now a homeless beggar myself, engaged to a Godly woman, making herself beautiful in the ways of old. Seeking to walk together, hand in hand, towards God, Heaven, and the friends we shall meet there within.

The 12th Month

2007-11-06T09:38:00.000+11:00

So many good things have happened this year that I haven't written about yet.. Even though the last month has been one of my busiest.. as I enter the twelfth month of my Faith Walk on the streets, God's plan can still take a sudden turn..

Plan to the 10th December 2008 (1 year):

Last week I saw a job advertised that involved working with street and homeless people, and I applied for it.

Now I haven't been looking for a job as being a single person, with little or no running expenses, I could carry on operating the way I have this year indefinitely. But with a relationship I need to consider the future implications, and that means some level of financial income.

There were a number of options that came to mind. 1/ I could try and raise financial support from people and organizations interested in my street ministry. 2/ I could get a part time or full time job doing anything and fit in my street work around that or 3/ I could get a job with an organization dealing with the poverty and homelessness around Melbourne that I am involved with.

Of course Jackie Pullenger says not to worry about seeking funds. If God wants you there he will find people to invest in your ministry, regardless of what your 'results' are.. and that if God can look after the thousands of Israelites in the Desert for 40 years.. then he can easily look after you, your family and others, so long as you have faith and keep focused on his work.

While I was thinking about these things it was a job in my field of involvement that I noticed, but I was not sure if I was ready to go back to work yet. I kind of feel that it would be good to be on the streets full time this summer, to capitalise on all I have learned this year. So I put an application in, just to keep the door open while I thought and prayed about it some more.

My application required a reference from my previous employer, so I rang my old World Vision Boss and confirmed she was happy to be a referee. She was happy about it but also let me know they were short staffed for the next month and I was welcome to come back and help them out for a bit, on a casual basis. I thought about it overnight and the next day agreed to help out for November. I start tomorrow.

I'll use the trial work period to assess how it affects my street work. Can I find a balance?

In fact, I have now booked a flight to Alice Springs to return to where I started almost one year ago, at Campfire In The Heart (a wonderful christian spiritual retreat center). I will rest there for the first week of December and reflect on an amazing year and the future ahead..

Weak and Strong

2007-10-19T11:48:00.000+10:00

I got off the train at Flinder's St, but I hadn't finished doing the Sudoku puzzle. I really wanted to finish it before heading into the city, so I leaned against a bin at the station platform and kept plugging away at the numbers. Ten minutes later it was complete and, feeling a bit guilty that I had wasted some valuable time, I tossed it in the bin and headed off. Just as I got to the exit gate I ran into Matt. Quite a surprise. I hadn't seen him for months and he told me he was now in some accommodation north of the city and rarely came into the CBD anymore. He was going well and we had a good talk for a few minutes before he headed off, and he asked me to keep praying for him. After he left I thought about how delaying to finish the Sudoku puzzle had worked out in my favour..

A new Grace:
Early on in the year I found my motivation to keep being 'full on' for God waning. After three months of concentration and dedication some of my old habits started to inch their way back into my lifestyle. I started cruising the Internet for fun, ate some junk food, miss spent some money and was 'sleeping in' too long in the mornings. Oh yeah, and I discovered Sudoku. These were not necessarily sinful things, but they were distractions from the mission and I got depressed about it. Change needs to come from within and while you can strip away the negative/distracting things from around you (eg. since being on the streets I hadn't spent any time playing computer games) this only helps so much. The Bible says 'if your eye causes you to sin then pluck it out..' Well you could pluck out your eye but when you hear a friendly female voice you might start imagining what sort of body would go with it..

Stripping away the the things that detract from your relationship with God does help, to a point, but not completely. So after a few weeks of feeling down about myself I prayed to God about it. I asked him that whenever I was weak in my resolve that he would use my weakness for his glory, that he would display his strength when I couldn't..

Well it was like I found a secret door, or something, and as soon as I prayed (walked through it) everything changed immediately! Every time I was weak or heading in a weak direction I had a great positive outcome for God! One Sunday night I stayed over at a friends house, and instead of getting up and heading into the city with him, around 8am the next morning, I slept in until 11am. I got up and went to the station, feeling bad about sleeping in, and there on the platform was Ethan, the gang leader who cleaned St.Paul's steps with me but then disappeared until now (a couple of months later). When I got bored and went to the Internet, I never got there as I would bump into people on the way. When I was hungry and went to buy junk food I would bump into someone else hungry and end up buying the food for them.

One night I was sitting in the Alfred Hospital Emergency Department with someone, after riding there in the ambulance with them, and didn't leave until 1:30am. By that time all the public transport had finished and so I determined to walk back to the shed, about 2hrs away. On My way back through the city I bumped into a couple of guys and, after saying hello, I discussed God with them for and over an hour. They were still chatty by then but I had been up for two days straight, and was really tired, so I excused myself and walked on. Only one block later I bumped into a homeless guy I had just started making friends with and he also wanted to talk about God. So we chatted for half an hour, long enough to be friendly and not rude, before I made an excuse to keep going, as I was feeling exhausted by this time. In fact I didn't want to bump into anyone else and so I went up an alley to the city back streets to avoid anymore meetings. Of course in the next back street was another street guy in a wheelchair that wanted to talk and pray about the death of his father. I gave him a Bible and we read some passages together (there is really not much comfort or hope you can give someone for the death of a non Christian family member..). When we later went our separate ways it was 4am and I really was to tired to keep walking home for another hour (with the chance God was going to lead me to someone else..) so I decided to use most of my remaining funds and I hailed a taxi, slumping into the back seat, eyes wafting across the buildings as they sped by, on my exit out.

I have since had many many situations where God steps in to use my weakness for his glory. And yes I am careful not to be slack as a policy. I still always trying to do my best, it's just when I fall short God steps in and does good things. So when I am weak, he is strong, and I have learnt to trust further in him as a friend.

I used to think that Grace was about Jesus being a safety net. That once you were a Christian, it didn't matter if you muck up from time to time, as Jesus takes the penalty for you. But now I see Grace as an active relationship with God where he works with you for good outcomes. He not just carrys you across the sand, when you are too tired to walk, but he actively builds beautiful sandcastles along the way, as well.

Tree of Knowledge

2007-10-16T13:40:00.000+10:00

A couple of weeks ago I was sitting in St.Vincents Hospital with a homeless man who was being treated for intoxication and injury's after a street brawl, where I had ended up calling the police to break it up, before taking the guy in for treatment. The nurses were surprisingly friendly and openly chatting with the guy about the fight and his troubles. As I was sitting by his bed, along came another street guy, who had been in for treatment for a seperate matter. He stopped to say hello and then let us know that when we leave, to come by and meet up with him and some others, 'up at the Tree of Knowledge'.. What?? The Tree of Knowledge(Gen 2:9, 2:17) was here in Melbourne? He described it's location and I later went for a look..

As I stood there I wondered if there was more significant meaning to Jesus's resisting the desert temptation of the devil to turn the stones into bread? In the Garden of Eden, Eve and Adam were tempted by food (from the tree of Knowledge), man fell, and the garden was closed.. Now Jesus in the desert resisted the temptation of food, man was restored and paradise was opened to all those that believe.

Singing is more than singing

2007-10-11T16:35:00.000+10:00

Status Update: I am still living in the garden shed and have been fairly busy and enjoying the street ministry. I don't have much money or possessions (the car in the previous post was borrowed from my girlfriend while she was away) although I have accepted a few gifts on the basis they are 'ministry supporting' gifts, such as an mp3 player (for music and sermons) and a mobile phone (leading to Eco Paul's vexation; now questioning my whole journey and experience). [My number is 0401495620].

Thursday Morning:

This morning I stopped by De Paul House (a detox center) where I am checking the waiting list daily, for a friend who wants to get off alcohol and drugs. Unfortunately these centers have waiting lists of a couple of weeks, which is frustrating when you meet a homeless addict crying in the street because he wants help 'right now'. I am hoping he hasn't changed his mind by the time a bed becomes available.. and once he is out, what then?

Then I thought about what God wanted me to do next? I walked down the street to the Brotherhood of St Laurence and and got out my mp3 player and start to sing along with some worship songs. There has been a lot of pain and brokenness coming out of their Coolibah Center (an aged drop in center) due to Christianity no longer being a part of the way things are managed and operated there. So I thought I'd bring a bit of Godly love back, by some Christian singing, outside.

After an hour a thin smelly addict came by (from the Fitzroy Health Center just a bit further down) and she sat down near me. Then she started crying, whining and banging herself against the footpath, in some sort of semi fit. I went over and asked if she was ok, but she hardly gave a response. So I sat down next to her and kept on singing. She settled down and continued to sit and listen for the next half hour, before she got up and walked away. I was reminded a bit of the story of David singing to King Saul to sooth him in his time of trouble.

I stood up and went back to my spot, continuing to sing, and a delivery driver walked by and encouraged me to keep going, he liked it. Later another man stopped by and asked me what I was doing (generally). When I mentioned helping a guy get into detox he smiled and said he was an ex-addict that had gone through detox and then a Christian rehabilitation program out in Albury called Granya House. It runs a six to twelve month program and he was now an advocate for it. He lifted up his top and pulled some brochures out from where he kept them tucked up in the front of his pants and handed me a few. We exchanged numbers, shook hands, and went back to business :)

All up I sung along with 52 worship songs over a 4 hour period, and then headed back into the city. I had pressures to be elsewhere this morning but I am learning the benefits of taking some time to sit still and listen to God, and then perhaps step out of my routine, and try something new.

Update: Just wanted to add Ephesians 6:19 "Speak to one another with psalm, hymns and spiritual songs."

Tid bits:

2007-09-25T18:14:00.000+10:00

Today:
As I go in and out of the State Library every few days, I have gotten to know one of the security guards here. Today we traded stories. He (knowing what I do) asked me for my testimony of what led me to this journey.. and in return he told me about the homeless people around the Library. (One man used to sleep in front of the Library doors every night, but was bashed there a month ago. The guard came across the beaten man and called the police and ambulance. The bashers were caught but the homeless man hasn't been seen since. I guess he doesn't feel safe there anymore.)

Yesterday:
I went to court in the morning to support Dougy, but his cases were adjourned for a month. Then I played table tennis with a homeless man who just wanted a quick hit, as he hadn't played for 20 years. He really enjoyed it and we ended up playing for a couple of hours and he began screaming and swearing with excitement, before the center closed for the day. Then I took another street guy ten pin bowling, which was fun. Afterwards I came across Dougy in a back street where he was shouting at anyone in his range. He shook my hand and I asked him what was wrong? He said he was upset as he had just blown $170 at the TAB and then he headed off to State Trustees to try and get some more money..

The day before Yesterday:
I took a street guy in a wheel chair to Credos for dinner. While there I got a call on my mobile phone from my girlfriend, who was in Darwin doing some mission work with the Bagot Community Indigenous Church. One of her friends had contacted her about a man that had a heart attack and was now in Box Hill Hospital. The man was unwell and urgently wanted someone Christian to talk with. I immediately drove out to the hospital and met him. I called my girlfriend and put him on speakerphone as she got the Bagot pastor and church to pray for him live, during the service. Afterwards the man told me he was born in Tanzania (to missionary parents) and I told him about the faith walk I did there ten years ago. I mentioned the missionary vet lady I had stayed with in Dodoma, at the time, and was surprised to find out he knew her as she was currently his neighbour, out in Blackburn North! We both felt it was God's plan that we meet. It's what we call a 'Divine Appointment'.

Social Group Change - Autumn

2007-09-06T14:57:00.000+10:00

Over Summer, I mostly hung out with the alcoholics, drug users, and indigenous people on the street. After I was away sick for a week, early March, I came back to find most of them had gone. Why? It's not easy to work out. I think it is mostly a range of factors..

First: it was getting cooler, and while it is easy to maintain a '24hr party' with hot days and warm nights, when it gets cold consistently, people start looking for warmth and shelter. Warren was the master of sleeping rough and not being bothered by the cold, he seemed totally immune to it. He was one of those gone when I returned from my week away sick. I always wondered where he had gone for the last six months. I had a phone number for his mum at her home in the country, he had trusted me with, but I was pretty sure he would not have returned there, and I didn't feel I could call her up without his permission, as there were probably issues there. Then just a few weeks ago, I found him on the street again. He was excited to see me and told my he had got himself a place to rent further up north, and was doing much better. He wants me to come up and visit him there as soon as possible. After a while we sat down on the sidewalk and he was shivering from the cold. I had almost forgotten about it with my thermals. I offered him one of my tops or a blanket, but he refused (out of pride) and just sat there for the next hour shaking. I said to him "the cold never even bothered you before?" and he replied that even for him "once you have had it good living in a heated flat, it's impossible to go back" (to not being bothered by the cold). Infact a lot of people are like Warren in such that they come in to the city over Summer, party all night and day, and then head back out to the country over the Winter. It's also as good as a holiday to have a mental break by leaving the city for a few months and just getting away while it's cold. This particularly applies to the indigenous community.

Another reason why people disappeared was that they went back to jail. BJ soon disappeared after he told me he was due back in court for assault. When I first met him on the street he told me about how hard life was to cope with (personal drive and responsibility) and he expected to have fun for a while, then 'muck up' and return to the safe routine jail. His own words becoming a self fulfilled prophecy.

Also, late March, I was told (from a reliable source) of an official Police crackdown in the area. In other suburbs you are allowed to drink publicly (such as Smith St Collingwood) but where it was banned around Swanston St in the city the police response changed from checking up on things every few hours, to an immediate response the moment someone sat down with a drink. Once I was sitting down at the meeting place and along came Robbie and he opened up a can of VB and along came the cops within 5 minutes. They told him 'there's a new boss, and we have to enforce the rules now..' I chuckled, as it implied they didn't enforce the rules in the past, which they certainly did. Which is totally fine in my eyes. They are there to protect the community and enforce the law, and it's probably in the community's best interests not to have excessive drinking and drunkenness around such an open public area of the city. Even Dougy was told he would be left alone as long as he didn't come up to the top end of town, and stayed away for months.

So people I had started building relationships moved on, and that was ok (I have caught up with most of them again at different points over the Winter), but it made it a lot harder for me to find people to sit and talk with. I felt the wind had gone a bit out of my sails, but it worked out well as my eyes were opened to another social group. Those street people that were no threat, not into any crime, but were hanging around all day and night, just chatting to each other. They were the Disability Pension group, and I started to get to know them.

Spring is Here :)

2007-09-05T14:48:00.000+10:00

The thermal underwear is off this week, as Winter has come to an end. It's warming up, and I continue walking on, into Spring..

I've just come back from the local shops in Balwyn (where I have been house sitting my parents place while they are away). When I sat down at a cafe for a drink, a guy next to me asked what my top(Cross on front / 24hr Church on back) was about? I explained that after an experience of going to Heaven and meeting God, a couple of years ago, the story of 'the rich man and Lazarus' [Luke 16:19-31] spoke strongly to me, and after 30 years of being a Christian and not taking any notice of beggars and street people, I decided to do something about it by direct experi-action.. and I lived on the city streets over summer and in a garden shed, through winter, to get to know and understand the community..

He replied "Don't punish yourself to hard, it's not your fault." and he then got up and walked away. I called out "It's something that I wanted to do.."

Punish? I thought as I continued to sit there.. This is not punishment, it is freedom. This Journey has been the most interesting, challenging and rewarding experience of my life! What was not my fault? Certainly that I had never taken an interest in the 'Lazarus people' was my fault, but was it my fault that they were there? Perhaps as a cooperate Christian, yes I did have some responsibility. (I am beginning to think that street people are there; not due to a lack of material support, but rather a lack of spiritual support..)

Time for some updates to let people know what's been going on..

Winter Weather

2007-06-29T15:47:00.000+10:00

Yep, it's cold.

Winter, my one biggest fear when I started out in the summer, and now it is here. To me it is 'the eye of the needle', expectantly the most difficult part of the year to get through on the street, and yet I am... ok! How have I coped?

First a few months ago my mum gave me a woolen beanie, on her birthday. That night I was talking to Goaty and he suddenly said "I like that beanie, I'll swap you for my cap" and reached out his hand. I straight away traded our hats and noticed how dirty, and slightly bloodied, his cap was and lightly put it on my head (but didn't pull it down tight because it was so yucky). Later that night I felt bad that mum had given me a special gift and only hours later I had given it away, but also conflicted as I felt giving a homeless person something I had to help them keep warm was also the right thing to do.. I went back to Goaty and explained to him the beanie had been a gift from my mum and could I have it back? He was very good and said he understood how special it was and thanked me for letting him wear it for the last couple of hours. Over the course of the next two weeks the issue played on my mind and in the end I went back to Goaty and explained again how special the beanie was and gave it to him as a gift. He said he appreciated it, although I doubted it as he has short term memory problems and often completely changes his clothes from week to week. In the meantime a friend gave me a different beanie which I have been using and I explained to mum what happened and she was understanding about it. A few weeks ago I had a hair cut (No.3 all over) and boy did I notice the cold then! but with the beanie on and hood up it has kept my head warmth trapped. Also a friend said the beanie and hoodie combo was true streetie fashion! Last week I was pleasantly surprised when I saw Goaty in different clothes but still with my mums beanie on :)

The thermal underwear I got at the start of march worked well over Autumn but failed when the real cold hit and the wind was cutting through. Thankfully I was given another tshirt, woolen vest, a second set of thermal underwear and a new pair of pants. The old pair wore out and tore open all around my thighs and bum area but I was so busy it took two weeks before I found the time to go to the shops and buy a new pair with a generous financial donation from a friend. For a wile I wanted to get another pair of brown pants, to keep my appearance consistent, but unable to find any I went and got some cargo pants, which I thought looked brown in the shop but turned out to be green when I was outside. But I have been really happy with them as the extra pockets around the knees have been really helpful, especially now that I carry a notebook, pen and was given a small complete Bible, which keeping in my pocket as I walk acts as my Christian tefillin (the Jewish act of keeping your scriptural beliefs strapped to your body).

So I am wearing 6 tops and 3 pants! The cold has been blocked out. I wanted to be hard core authentic and keep wearing the sandals, and for a while my feet seemed to cope. But when the temp started dropping below 10 degrees I added socks and finally I caved and switched to an old pair of brown runners, which have been a wonderful treat, and at first I felt a bit guilty about not being challenged enough by the cold, but after one night where I lost all feeling in my hands from numbness, I bought some fingerless gloves ($2) for the day, and was donated some full gloves for the night. Winter gear complete, I can now walk around the city without being bothered by the cold anymore. While other street people have also geared up for Winter I am surprised by the number of people who stand around in light open clothing and tell me that the cold just doesn't bother them.

What about sleeping?? Well the shed is just as cold inside as it is outside. I don't do any sitting around when I get there but go straight to sleep. So I quickly get into the sleeping bag with my thermals on and it is good enough to keep me warm all night.

There was a period of adjustment over the first few weeks of July where I was really struggling with the cold, and I also wanted to take some time out from my normal routine to do some Bible study and meditation. I thought of staying at the Mother Theresa's men's refuge for a couple of weeks but they have a night curfew that conflicted with some commitments that I still wanted to be available for. I prayed hard about it and God answered by providing me with a Hotel room for two weeks! A street friend who lives with his dad has a gambling addiction which he spends all his disability pension on. For extra money he begs in the street with a sleeping bag by his side (as a prop). One night someone came by and offered to put him up in a hotel room for two weeks. My friend took up the offer but when he saw it was just a simple budget room he preferred his own bedroom. He tried to refund the booking to get the money to use for his gambling habit, but there were no refunds allowed. So he was about to tear up the voucher and throw away the room key when I sat down and he offered it to me. It was a real blessing, being in the CBD being able to rest and come and go as easily as I pleased. It was also funny as people were asking me how I was coping in the cold and I would say 'Oh, I'm in a hotel..' Actually the best thing about the room was not the warmth.. it was the light. Being able to lie there at night and read my Bible for hours before going to sleep was fantastic. I worked through Romans and both Corinthians books, and even had some good talks in the TV room with a girl who was into Scientology (you know.. the Tom Cruise Religion).

Funnily enough when I got back to using the shed this week I found it very homely and restful. I have located a candle, I got from a friends wedding a month ago, and was able to start reading Galatians ch2, in which Paul meets most of the Apostles for the first time in 14 years. The only advice they gave him in his ministry was: to remember the poor, the very thing he was eager to do.

BLOG WRITING CHANGE

2007-06-04T22:34:00.000+10:00

Well things have finally slowed down a bit and it is time to return to this blog. I apologize for being away so long, but two things happened..

First, I felt God saying to me in Mid February that the daily diary nature of the blog should not continue past the first three months. the blog started out as a personal record of what would happen if you did the 'Rich man' challenge and do a Faith Walk, trusting in God's providence for everything materially and spiritually. It was also a communication tool to keep my family and close friends advised as to where I was and what I was doing. As I went along people found the blog interesting enough that they passed it on to others, and soon the readership grew beyond what I expected and felt comfortable with. I was uncomfortable that I might be discussing peoples personal stories in too public a forum (despite using pseudonyms) and it might cause people on the street concern if they found out. Perhaps it could even cause a backlash that would not make it possible to continue. A number of people who work in the 'streets' area told me they had read this blog, and so the chance of this happening was quite real. From a positive angle, I was also pleased to discover there were cultural connections with those I thought had no interest and relationship with the homeless. After praying about how to handle the situation I felt God saying to limit the daily story to the first 3 months but I intend to continue on beyond that with personal reflection and general updates.

The second thing that happened was that my routine changed and God kept me so busy that I didn''t even have the time to finish the last entry of the first three months (until yesterday), and while yes I was that busy, and yes I could have sacrificed some sleep to do an update if I really wanted to, I had a negative gut reaction to it until now.

So I am happy to let you know I am still going strong, happy and learning as much as ever; still out here and I will have an update as to what I did over Autumn very soon.

Thurs/Fri/Sat 8-10th March 07

2007-06-03T23:50:00.000+10:00

Three months of Faith Walking were coming to a close. It had been an amazing experience of learning and growing in my relationships with God and others. This would have been the perfect time to bring it to an end and return to regular work and life, but I first had to check what God wanted..

Thursday
I slept most of Thursday. When I got up I went and sat on the couch, in the back yard, and thought about the frustration of reaching out to all those guys about Alpha, and none of them turning up. When my mate came by I asked him his opinion about the different types of thermal underwear and to my surprise he said he had an extra set he didn't really need, and went and got them for me! Well my wondering about whether synthetic or wool was best was resolved, he had one of each. Some blue synthetic pants and a brown wool top. That night I headed out to hear a friend's band play at a pub, and so I put the thermals on to test them out. They worked well except the woolen top was prickly against my skin, and so I did a little switcheroo and put my t-shirt on under the woolen top, and it was fine after that. Walking back to the shed that night I found the thermals were very effective in keeping me warmer, although it wasn't winter yet..

Friday
A funny thing happened. In the morning, before I headed off into the city, each of the house mates stopped by for a chat at different times, and each one told me that I was welcome to use the shed whenever I wanted, for as long as they were there.. wow (I later checked with my mate and he confirmed they had not discussed it with each other). So I now had the warmer clothing and shelter if I needed it. I really felt God was speaking to me through this that provision had been made for me to continue on with my journey through the Winter.

Later I was back at HJs and the manager noticed me at near the counter and said "weren't you the guy I wouldn't give the water to? I have since thought about it and decided you were right, I should have given you the drink." I thanked him and said not to worry about it.

In the evening I went to my friends place for our Friday night tv catchup. He asked me if I was going to have a shower and I explained I was still on my food/washing fast until the ten days was up (tomorrow). He offered to wash my feet for me (on account they were a bit smelly) but I said that would still be breaking the rules of the fast I had set myself. Over the next couple of minutes I thought about it some more and decided that the purpose of the fast had been to receive guidance from God as to whether to continue the Faith walk beyond the three month period, and I felt that I had received that answer in the recent provisions. So I felt comfortable about ending it a day early and went and had a shower, followed by a hot dinner :)

Saturday
I visited my family for my Dad and brothers combined birthday get together, and relaxed. I thought about what God would have in store for me as I continued on. Since the first 3 months had now come to and end, and I had decided to continue on through Winter, I thought it most likely that I wouldn't need to rethink my direction until probably December 07, a year later from when the Journey began..

Busy Busy.. all good :)

2007-04-23T12:25:00.000+10:00

Hello friends,

Just a quick note to say I am ok and all is well.

I will force some time into this week to do some sort of catch up post! Briefly, I have been getting to know new groups, helping out others and discussing God with many people. With colder temperatures I have switched to using the Poustinia (retreat shed) as a main sleeping spot, but with so much happening I still do quite a few all nighters.

God Bless you in your lives :)

John

UPDATE: Monday07 May
Um.. every time I headed to the internet that week something happened and I have been full on busy walking, talking and meeting people all day, every day, since then.. but I AM free tomorrow arvo (if 'He' lets me) to do some blogging then... I hope...

UPDATE 2: 08 May
Nope.. After visiting dad in the hospital, I walked back into the city, taking a 'different' route to get to the internet but bumped into Jason and we came to the library to play a game of chess.. which is important since it's our first meeting since the police incident. (Tomorrow I plan to find a computer outside the city..)

Wednesday 7th March

2007-04-09T10:50:00.000+10:00

A while back I slept in front of the Axxa building and thought about the corporate wealth issues there. And a while back I mentioned the Salvos had a big outreach bus with computer terminals and DVD theater inside for street kids. Well guess what? They're in bed together (a pun of homelessness irony), through sponsorship, and thus the bus is known as 'the Axxa Bus'!

Wednesday
In the morning I was sitting back at the meeting place and a couple of teenage street kids came and sat with us. As the number of adults hanging around was dropping away Warren's authority status was rising and he saw himself as becoming a little bit more of a father/authority figure to the younger kids. He told a couple of kids to go with me to the Lazarus center for a shower and change of clothes, and when we got back he ask me to escort him there also.

Later I walked down Lt Bourke St to all the camping shops to check out the thermal clothing. There seemed two types: synthetic for about $40 a garment and wool for about $80 a garment. They both give about the same warmth but the wool lasts much longer, doesn't get as smelly and wont melt onto your skin if you're caught on fire. I wondered if it was worth trying to raise the money for the more expensive wool and just how warm was it? Could I sleep rough without a sleeping bag with thermal underwear? I also was a bit concerned with the fashion as even though it was an undergarment I would still like it to be brown to fit in with my other clothing. Perhaps being on the street I shouldn't really be thinking about these things.. I should probably use the charity clothing like everyone else although I didn't want to get some jacket that would cover over the cross on my windcheater, but I could get five or six t-shirts and wear those underneath for further warmth.

At 6pm, back on the Steps, Amy came by and gave me a Bible. It was a big NIV Study Bible, to heavy and bulky to carry around the streets, but it was all she had available and so I thanked her very much and thought it would be good to keep at a location I regularly visit and use it there. Bibles can be found at some churches around town, if you needed to check one urgently. But not all churches have Bibles available, which I find perplexing. Imagine wanting to check verse or just do a bit of quiet reading and then walking into St.Francis's or St.Pauls (and others) and not being able to find one to read, even when asking a staff member for one (as one friend was disappointed to discover). God's word not available in his church.. say what?? Well I can understand not wanting to leave lots of Bibles around to be stolen (as I had just experienced) but it would be good to have at least one available on request. Perhaps it's just not a request that comes up often enough, or there might be another issue I'm not aware of.. In any case we live in a capitalist society and so you can always head to a bookshop and buy one, or (as in my case) pick one up from the Hard Rubbish around the suburbs. I found a small green Gideon's New Testament, Psalms and Proverbs that fits nicely into my pocket. Although it is really only half a Bible it suits me for the moment as I am reading through Acts.

After Amy left I sat and waited for the guys I had invited to Alpha to rock up at 6:30pm. I had invited about six guys but would be happy if just one came along, and I hadn't done the course myself so I was interested to see what it was like. Well 6:50 passed and no one had arrived and I started feeling disappointed. Just then BJ walked by. He was with another guy who walked into the station. Excitedly I asked him if he was coming to the dinner discussion group and he said he was busy right now but he was happy to go when he got back later that night around 10pm. "But it's on right now.." my voice trailed away as he headed off into the distance. Oh well. This is a lesson I have learnt a few times since; streetys are not very good with appointments. You need to strike while the iron is hot, they are very 'now' motivated and a delay can be an opportunity for distraction and a change of focus.

I decided to head off to Alpha anyway and was glad I did. There were a few people there and we started with a dinner, which included these great big steak and potato chunky pies. I hadn't eaten for a week but had always planned to eat the dinner at the Alpha meeting as I felt it was more important to join in and share a meal with the new people gathering, so it wasn't the end of the fast but just a momentary respite. We then watched an introduction video and talked about the course outline and its scheduling. Everybody seemed happy and it seemed relaxed and accessible to anyone interested in an introduction to Christianity. At the end there was some left over food and I took two of the chunky pies back into the city with me to share with someone else.

There were not many streetys around when I got back and Wednesday is also a good night for the provision of food, and so there was no one really hungry or interested in the pies. I hung around until midnight and then I wasn't able to find anyone I knew to talk with so I decided to catch the last tram out to Clifton Hill and stay for the night in the shed there. I got on board and sat near the front, a few stops later another young guy got on and asked the tram driver if he knew of a HJs, anywhere along the route, where he could get a burger. The driver informed him there was no place open for food between the city and the of the line and the guy then came and sat on the tram steps next to my seat. I offered him one of my pies and he happily took it and started eating. He thanked me and said he hadn't eaten for a few days as he was homeless and lived in an old empty church out in the Northern suburbs. As another person walked past he said "hey this guy gave me food and he didn't even know I was homeless!" I gave him the other pie as well which he said he would have for breakfast and we talked further about homelessness and a bit about church. As I got off the tram I looked back and the homeless guy raised his arm above his head and punched his fist into the air, holding it there, as the tram pulled away into the night.

Tuesday 6th March

2007-04-05T01:21:00.000+10:00

You can sleep lying down and you can sleep sitting up.. but the other day I was so tired I fell asleep standing up! (on a busy sidewalk for about half an hour.. anyone could have bumped me over but they didn't.)

Tuesday
In the morning I stopped by the Life Center and had a closer look at the Nescafe Vending Machines down the back (Coffee, tomato soup and hot Chocolate drinks). They're always very popular, too popular, which made me suspicious as I didn't think this many people had that much money to spend on hot drinks.. On closer inspection they're FREE!!! Oh.. my.. Lord.. all this time and I didn't realize..!! No wonder they're popular. I have one, Hmmm.. chocolate.. with winter coming this will be very handy, no wait. Now I feel a new battle of self regulation coming on.. Damn you temptuous Satan! Damn you to Hell! (where you belong ;)

Next I went for an interview for the TMA paper(The Melbourne Anglican). The new ArchBishop (doing a good job getting out there talking with people) had suggested to the media dept I would be 'an interesting person to talk to'. I was a bit surprised at first, I was just out happy doing my own thing and didn't think anyone in the upper Church echelons would notice or be really be interested, at least not from a positive perspective.. They probably think what's this dodgy character doing messing around in this area of theology with out a Doctorate under his belt? But no, they were very friendly and wanted to do a feel good human interest piece. So despite my general inability to articulate my ideas well verbally, the interview was good and the article came out in this months (April) edition and it covers what I'm doing very well (and nothing was taken out of context, so score one for the Christian Media!).

In the afternoon I had my bag stolen, which for me was everything I owned! (Although they left the bucket and cleaning materials) I really only blame myself. To get into the State Library you are not allowed to take in a bag. There are lockers, for a dollar a day, but with no money I needed to find a stash spot outside while I was in there. Stash spots are places you hide stuff which most homeless people have all over the city, so you don't have to carry your sleeping bag and things around all the time (which also marks you as a homeless person). One charity offers free lockers but they're too far out of town. For a couple of months I had been leaving my BROWN COLES CARRY BAG with sleeping bag and BLACK NIV BIBLE WITH WATER MARKED RED EDGED PAGES WHICH I BOUGHT IN TANZANIA TEN YEARS AGO behind the sign at the entrance of the Swanston St Cross Culture Church of Christ opposite the Library. That had been working fine as the Church had not been open during the day and there was no pedestrian activity in the area. But this week RMIT University had started using the Church hall as a lecture theatre and so now hundreds of young people walked right by that spot all day. I should have realized the change in circumstances would create a higher risk, but oh well, that's the thing we all love.. hindsight. I spent hours searching the surrounding bins in the hope whoever took it would see there was nothing of value in the bag and maybe would dump it nearby, but no luck. So as you're probably already thinking.. I hope the person who took the bag reads the Bible in it and gets something positive from it, and bless you (Jesus says to love your enemys, and that's a challenge that could take a lifetime.. so I'll start by verbalising it in my mouth and see if it connects to my heart later on..).

In the evening things were a bit better as a friend had another sleeping bag for me and the Steps Outreach girls said they would bring me in a replacement Bible the next night. Almost back to normal, thanks! After they left there were a few people sitting around and they decided to go behind St.Pauls to drink some goon and they invited me along. We sat around and started singing songs, a disaster for me as I don't know any complete songs to sing?! I know plenty of choruses but not the complete contemporary songs, except U2's Helter Skelter and a few Church songs, which they seemed happy to hear, but I'm sure they were relieved when I switched to just drumming on my bucket and using my scrubbing brush to make some whooshing noises.

Around 1am I took a break and headed back to the Library to look some more for my bag, but again no luck and I went back to the gang and found one of the guys, completely drunk, had gone to take a leek and fallen down the stairs and smashed his head open at the bottom. The guys had picked him up and carried him back up to the top and layed him down on some cardboard boxes. There was blood was running across the ground so I grabbed my sponge and ran down to McDonalds, soaked it with water and dashed back while they called an ambulance. As we cleaned his head we saw a round chunk missing from the back of his head and someone said they could see a bit of his brain. The ambos turned up and took him away and things settled down again. Warren turned the cardboard over and lay down, the card board was an invaluable insulator not to be discarded on this very cold night. The other two also lay down on some cardboard to go to sleep but I stayed awake, not willing to sleep in an area with people I didn't know but also not yet tired enough to head off. So I just sat for a while.

About 3am a gang of five teenage guys came by. They were very friendly and knew Warren and Angela, who went back to sleep after having a quick chat with them. One of the guys was Dirk, who beat up Dougy the other night, the others I didn't know. I chatted with one guy(Mick) who showed me the many scars on his arm where he cut himself when he was bored, and he also said he enjoyed it. We talked for a bit and then the guys were deciding where to go next and got into an argument. They were telling Mick to 'piss off' but he didn't want to leave and so they gave him a countdown from 10. He still didn't leave and so one of them, a hugely overweight guy, punched Mick in the face. Mick went to swing back but missed and connected with one of the other guys in the face, and suddenly it was a big brawl. There was punches and shoving among the gang from all directions. I shook Warren awake to let him know what was happening but he took one look and rolled over back to sleep. As I sat and prayed the fight moved away and down to Flinders St. Every couple of minutes they would stop and there was some shouting and then more punches were thrown again. It went on for about half an hour.

Angela got up and went down to see what was happening. After a few minutes I also went down to where the brawl was to check that Angela was ok and she came back with me and lay down to go back to sleep. As I sat down again it moved out of sight and around the corner. Then I looked up and saw the huge guy walking back alone towards me. His face was red with welts and his top was soaked in sweat. I stood up and he came over and wrapped is arms around me and started crying. He said he needed some blessing and so I prayed out loud for peace and forgiveness as he gripped my shoulders tightly. After a few minutes he let go and sat down for a moment. He was quiet and then said "I've sinned". It seemed a powerful and significant moment, then he got up and walked away. A few minutes he came back with Dirk, and Dirk came over and hugged me tightly and started crying. I hugged him back and I was a bit surprised at what was happening. Then I looked at the big guy and he circled his hand suggestively.. right, prayer! So I prayed for Dirk as well until he calmed down. Then he let go and they headed back out into the night.

I sat for another hour thinking about what had happened. I was amazed how God had put me in such a position where I could be an outreach to some guys at 4am down the back of a city alley, not something I would have considered a few years ago. Angela got up, unable to sleep anymore because of the cold breeze. She asked me to walk down to the station with her and as we walked she told me she was going to catch the train out to 'anywhere' for a few hours. The trains start at 5am and are warm and out of the wind, so you can sleep on the seats before the morning rush hour and get back off when it arrives back in the city. She asked if I wanted to come along but I have a general rule for myself not to leave the city as a part of my street work, so I said goodbye and headed back to the alley. Dirk was there and trying to sleep next to Warren with some cardboard sheets pulled over the top of them for further warmth. I too was freezing and got some cardboard for myself to see how effective it was. It was good for insulation from the ground but on top it had little effect and the chilled wind always found a way through the barriers I erected. I lay there for a while longer before they both got up and we headed back to Swanston St. We all stood against the pub wall and yearned the morning sunshine to warm us up, bit by bit, painfully slowly. But it was warmer, and I fell asleep.

Monday 5th March

2007-04-02T22:00:00.000+10:00

There is a high rotation of people through the city area. Even people I peg as regulars move on to other places. I don't get to say goodbye but I do get to say hello to many new people that arrive or just become more noticeable as my eyes are opened further. And people constantly surprise me by breaking the stereo types I initially place them in..

Monday
I was sitting in the usual spot and an indigenous guy(Sam) and girl(Angela) came and sat next to me. They were well known by the others but it was the first time I had seen them. Sam had a guitar and a friendly smile, and I talked to him about the busking he did (despite one broken string). Then he started asking me about God. He told me when he was a young child he was with some foster parents that had taken him to Church and through Sunday School he had become a believer. He really loved God and wanted to know more about him, but this had been nearly impossible as through his teenage years he lived with people in a non Christian part of the indigenous community. He still tried to be Christian when he could but he also participated in the violence and crime that sourounded him and felt somewhat guilty for it. In effect he was caught between two different worlds.

I told him that's what most Christians have to deal with, struggling to live a Christian life in the midst of many different 'ways'. It was just that the contrast between his beliefs and his people's culture was probably more confronting than what many other people experience, especially as he didn't have anyone to support him and talk with (that I knew of). I told him that as he cared about his faith, tried to make a difference where he felt able and was remorseful when things went wrong, then he was a great Christian and God would love who he was. We talked for a couple more hours over a range of Christian topics and even Robbie entered the conversation when we talked about Creation. We then spent some time in prayer together, sitting there, and afterwards he sang a couple of songs he had written about God. He was actually very talented and one of the others asked him who's song it was, expecting him to mention some well known name. As he left he gave me a hug and I told him to come and chat anytime and then he went off to do some more busking. We've caught up a few more times since. He's one of those people that just makes you smile when you think about them :)

Around midday I was just taking a break, sitting quietly on the silver seats down the middle of Bourke St Mall, and thinking about the issue of continuing on into the Winter. Another young guy came and sat next to me, opened his lunchbox for a sandwich and said hello. We chatted lightly and I spied a Bible among his things. I decided not to ask him anything Christian and just enjoyed feeling free to chat about regular stuff, knowing we were both bonded by our faith but not having it dictate a need to discuss it. In this way rather than warriors meeting on the battle field discussing tactics, stories and how to conquer the land; we were just a couple of fellow citizens chatting in our world.. at some point 'your kingdom come on Earth as it is in Heaven...' should change to 'your kingdom is on Earth as it is in Heaven...'

He mentioned that he worked in a clothing shop nearby, and I asked him where I might go to look at some thermal underwear, as I wanted to be warmer at night as the colder winter weather was approaching. He told me there was a string of camping and outdoor clothing shops down Little Bourke St, just past Elizabeth St. I thanked him for his advice and he headed off back to work.

Late that afternoon I was back sitting on the Steps. A guy(Luke) sitting nearby said hello and started chatting. His teeth were broken and I noticed they didn't reach the top of his gums.. so they were false teeth and even they weren't in very good condition. He said he was homeless and had just arrived in Melbourne half an hour ago. He normally lived in Bendigo but since his pet dog (and only friend) had died he came down here because of his grief and desire to get away from the location of his pain. It had been a few years since he had been to Melbourne and I updated him on where the charitys and food vans could be located. We chatted for a while about his dog and he became a bit distressed that he didn't bring a photo with him to remember her by and to show people. He talked with such emotion about her that at first I thought I might have been confused and perhaps he meant a person, but no, his attachment was to his pet. I guess when you don't have any other relationship a pet can be just as important as anyone else. After a while he got up to go for a walk, he said he was ok to find somewhere to sleep for the night and thanked me for talking with him. He said he now felt a bit better about coming to Melbourne.

Sunday 4th March

2007-03-30T16:33:00.000+10:00

With winter approaching you may be forgiven for thinking people sleeping rough would head north for the warmer weather. Actually they come south to Melbourne as, irrespective of the cold, we apparently have the best charitable services of any state and thus Melbourne is the easiest place to survive.

Sydney has services but I'm told it's a cut throat rat race where the general friendliness between the street people down here does not exist. You're on your own and the threat of trouble is much more likely.

Queensland has a police state reputation where just being homeless (and nothing further) is likely to draw their attention and ask you to leave the city. I have even heard of the police/city setting up 'no go zones' for homeless people.

Tasmania, I'm told, has almost no services at all, and so if you don't have a friend to support you then it's 'move north (to Vic) or die'. Consequently most Tassy cons come to Melbourne once they're released from prison.

Adelaide is the only other city with a reasonable reputation and so when people have had enough here, and want a change, they generally head in that direction.

Sunday
IN THE MORNING I got up happy that my fast was going well (after last month's trouble) and I didn't seem too dirty or smelly yet (note: I did decide to wash my hands after going to the toilet). I walked down the street to the Steps where I was due to meet a guy and take him along to St.Martins. He didn't turn up last week and so despite his re-commitment last night I wasn't too surprised when he didn't turn up this week either. The funny thing was he said the Holy Spirit told him to go to Church with me, so the fact he didn't turn up twice leads me to question if he was hearing God at all because if you heard God clearly tell you to do something, you'd do it, right? Or perhaps God was just using him to get me to go to the Steps because..

I sat down next to Goaty and noticed he had a particularly strong sharp smell. Then he took out a Methylated Spirits bottle, poured some in with his coke and took a drink. I wondered if drinking Metho was a contributing factor to his smell? Metho drinking (and Chroming) are more frowned upon by the street community than any other form of self abuse. Goaty was thinking of going to Sydney for a while as he had recently offered Robbie some Metho and one of Robbies friends was so angry about it that he bashed Goaty and threatened to continue to do so if he didn't leave town.

While we talked another guy (I had not met before) called Colin rode up on his bicycle. He was about 35 ears old, scruffy, haggard and unshaven. He talked about how he had previously been an alcoholic and metho drinker, but now recovered. He showed me a picture from three years ago when he was happily married with three children. The photo was torn at the side (to remove the image of his wife) but the image of himself was an amazing improvement on how he looked now. Not in terms of time and aging but with the comparativeness from a clean happy neat shaven business executive to the worn out life devastated shambles of a man that stood before me now. His character marked in a way that would take a lot longer to heal than it took to be hurt. I wondered what had precipitated such a dramatic slide into the abyss?

I asked him about his bike and he told me he rode it around as he wasn't able to drive a car because he sometimes got convulsions. That sparked my interest! A month ago I had a conversation with a guy from Church, who told me he had epilepsy, about the story where Jesus had cast out the demon from the convulsing man (when the disciples had been unable to) because he said that demon was only exercisable through prayer and fasting. Was it a suggestion that epilepsy could be demoniacally related? My belief has always been that any illness could be a cause of either a demonic influence, sin or a natural disorder and thus I generally pray across all three areas when I pray for someone's healing. But I had been keen to examine the issue of epilepsy and demonic influence further, and now I was with someone that possibly had that affliction and I had also been fasting for a few days and..

As we sat and talked Colin suddenly began to convulse and I asked him if he wanted me to pray for him and he said yes. He reached out and grabbed my hand, gripping it tightly as he shook. Without any further thought or analysis I closed my eyes and prayed for him to be healed of the convulsions, praying across each three areas of causation but focusing specifically stronger against any demonic attack or influence. It wasn't a long prayer and as I finished, and opened my eyes, he as sitting there calmly and he thanked me as the convulsions had gone and he also said he 'felt different'. Great! I was a little surprised how simple it was. I just said a prayer and he was healed, and if there had been anything demonic then there was certainly no 'Hollywood reaction' to deal with. Prayer, faith, action. Cool.

We talked further and he began to go on about astrology, which seemed to be somewhat of an obsession of his. When I suggested he should tone down his interest in astrology and trust more in God for his future he got very defensive. While I thought an obsession with astrology could be a foot hold for demonic influence, I didn't mention it out loud, but it strengthened my suspicions. I was a little annoyed that after some successful healing prayer he was not willing to listen to my advice, but I was later reminded that Jesus's healings were acts independent of teachings and without conditions (other than sometimes a request for silence). Colin was happy and I was happy that God had worked through the experience, so I felt pretty positive about it. I talked about God a bit further and then headed off to St.Judes for morning Church.

IN THE AFTERNOON I came out of the State Library and saw a small crowd gathered around a speaker. It was the speaker's corner where anyone can get up and talk about whatever topic was on their mind. One Jamaican looking guy started talking about Christianity and the threat of sin and Hell. I recognized him as Samuel from the 'Way Of The Master' course I had done last year. It's an evangelism course focusing on highlighting sin and the threat of Hell as a motivation to becoming Christian. Their idea is if someone only becomes a Christian for the happy positive reasons then they will fall away when the struggles and disappointments come, but if they become a Christian because of the threat of Hell then they will endure through the struggles and disappointments to avoid hell and get to Heaven. I saw the logic in it but it wasn't for me as I am shy enough, raising the issue of God to people, with out also having to come from a heavy sin/Hell approach that is likely to polarize someone straight away.

I wondered if it actually worked but after he finished talking he came over to say hello and he had another guy(Mark) with him who had just become a Christian through that method of approach. In fact I met Mark in the city again three weeks later and he showed me a pone video of him getting baptized in a lake the previous weekend. He was now out and about (on his own) looking for people he could talk to about God! So while the method was not for me, I have to be happy it works for others and it is bringing more people to God. I was reminded of St.Francis and St.Dominic. St.Francis focused more on preaching through actions and St.Dominic focused more on preaching through words. Both men lived at the same time, founded Orders and met each other a couple of times. When someone says their way is the only way, then that becomes a problem (except for Jesus, of course).

IN THE EVENING I was sitting with a group of guys and Warren gave a new guy some coins towards the cost of getting a new cask of wine (termed as a 'Charge' or just 'Goon'). Soon after the guy said he was heading off somewhere else. Warren asked for his money back (since it wasn't going to be used for a cask) and the guy turned angrily and spat "you want the money back!? what do you want me to shank (stab) you or something?!" and he reached into his bag for a knife.. It took Warren five minutes to talk his way back down from the threat. I sighed. This is how cheap life is on the street: $4. More healing is needed..

Saturday 3rd March

2007-03-28T14:17:00.000+10:00

Some street people can be quite lazy. If an activity requires the effort to travel (even for food) then they will most likely decide against it. Some even prefer to tram one block, rather than walk it. But the most laziest seems to be guys and going to the toilet. While there are 24hr public toilets within any two blocks of the city, any nearby corner or wall (out of sight from the street) is more likely to be used. The ground behind the 'Mathew Flinders' statue (at St.Pauls Cathedral) is used so often it can no longer absorb what is splashed there, it's had enough, and so a puddle has formed. In fact people often go to the toilet on the edge of the street, and you may walk by (within a meter) and not even realize it! You see the street bins sit inside their green latticed metal exterior framework. This latticed framework has many holes, just big enough for a guy to unzip his fly, stick his willy through and relieve himself while he casually leans against the top of the bin and smiles at people passing by.

Saturday
I hung around in the afternoon and chatted with some street kids. Up until now I had talked mostly to adults, the kids were more closed off in their own groups and gangs, but as a regular face around I am becoming a more familiar part of their world.

In the afternoon I was chatting to a guy(Don) who was recently out of prison, dealing in a little bit of prescription drugs, and slept rough next to the police station, for safety. As I was heading off to CoH for the evening, I asked him along and he agreed to come. We had a bit of dinner and their was a talk from a visiting pastor and Christian guy who was a reformed ex prison tough guy. He asked a few questions during the talk and later chatted with them in private. Then they came over and we talked further and he said he was interested in coming to Alpha on Wed night. That was a positive experience and so the evening was looking good.

Around 2am I was chatting with Dougy and then sat down on the street against the wall for a break. There were a lot of street people about, and Dougy got into an argument with one. She was a little teenage girl(Sally), about 13, who claimed she was pregnant (not all pregnancy claims are true, sometimes girls claim it to gain sympathy, attention or protection because of their 'condition'). As they argued Dougy threatened to have her bashed by another woman, and then he came and sat down next to me. A short time later a tall older teenage guy(Dirk) came up and started abusing Dougy for his threats against Sally. Dirk's mates egged him on to attack Dougy but he was hesitant because of the cameras in the area. But Dougy, still sitting, started abusing him back and challenging Dirk to hit him. Dirk then obliged and whacked him three times to the head and then danced triumphantly as Dougy slumped over onto the pavement moaning.

I was surprised Dougy had not got up or defended himself, perhaps he was looking for a way to get to hospital, or feeling the need for some pain as a way to deal with a recent family loss he had been upset about. I wondered if I should have tried to stop it, a little disturbed at sitting next to someone while they got bashed, but as they were both looking for a fight I felt I should stay out of it. Now it was over and a police van drove by and Dirk got in to drive back with them to the station for a chat about what happened. Dougy was quiet, it hadn't seemed that bad, so I patted him on the shoulder and asked if he was ok. No response, he might be lying there too upset to sit up, but I decided to get check him out further. As I moved around to check his face I noticed a lot of blood had spilled out of his mouth and down his chest, making big red patches splotched all over his t-shirt. I tried to rouse him but he seemed unconscious.

Another person saw the blood and called an ambulance from their mobile phone. As we waited I tried to make him a bit more comfortable by lifting his head off the pavement and putting my sleeping bag under it. Another guy came over and told me not to bother helping him. he said if I knew who Dougy was then I would know he wasn't worth helping. I continued on and the guy was quite serious and i thought he was going to physically try and stop me helping Dougy. I got up and, seeing my cross, he said "Hey, I'm a Christian too but don't help him", and I said "I help anyone, right or wrong, if you piss someone off and get beat up then I'd help you too". He said that he knew I was trying to do the right thing but in this case it wasn't worth it. Now I was shocked, that I was arguing with another Christian about whether to help someone?! I explained to him the story of the woman about to be stoned to death for adultery, she was guilty but Jesus still intervened to help her. Then he backed off and let me attend to Dougy's situation.

When the ambulance crew arrived they saw it was Dougy, checked he was breathing, and then stepped back to talk. They said they couldn't help him as he was now banned from all ambulances and hospitals because he was too violent to their staff. Instead they called the police to come and take him away. They stood and waited about half an hour before the cops arrived and they said they were unable to take him in that condition. The ambos then agreed to take him if he was handcuffed and escorted with a couple of officers coming along with them. They agreed, lifted him up onto the stretcher, cuffed him and drove away.

That was about the last I have since seen of Dougy. The story went around that he had threatened a teenage pregnant girl and so he was not welcome in the area anymore. A few different people threatened to beat him up again if he ever came back, and even Robbie (his main drinking buddy) agreed he shouldn't come around anymore. I guess Dougy got the message somehow, as I didn't see him for the next week, until I ran into him at the Salvos for lunch. He was sober, friendly and happy to see me and we played cricket in the alley. He said he had been hanging out over at St.Kilda and he was like a completely different person, one that everyone seemed happy to be around. I wished he could realize how much better it was for him (and everyone) to be this way. But then someone asked him if he'd like to go get some wine and have a drink with them, and off they went. I haven't seen him since and with no phone or way to contact him there's not much I can do about it. Even the cops came and asked me the other day if I had seen him around, so he hasn't stumbled into them recently either (in the city or over at St.Kilda), which makes me think he may have headed out to the country for a bit. After investing a fair bit of time and effort with him it's hard to let his situation go and just pray to God that it may still improve, but that's part of what being a Christian is about: having hope for others when they don't have any for themselves.

Friday 2nd March

2007-03-23T14:29:00.000+11:00

A girl told me her brother is addicted to ice (a drug). The way he pays for the habit is to go to nightclubs, hook up with a girl and go to a Hotel room (hopefully getting her to pay for the room). Once they have had sex and she takes a shower, or goes to sleep, he will then steal her clothes and wallet, and head to his dealer.

Friday
I was woken up early, about 5am, and asked to move on and so I headed down to the bottom level of an underground car park stairway. A sign on the wall gave it four star security protection, but where I was sitting there was no cameras. Since it was warm, and there was no customer activity that early, I sat there for couple of hours, but didn't sleep as I'd rather move myself on at the first sign of activity than wake up to a confrontation. The time went pretty slowly.

About 8am I headed back to the meeting place to find the Jamboree, from last night, back in action. They had moved to the riverbank after Dougy and I left and now had just come back. It was day two of my fast and I was sitting there thinking about the 'no washing' thing (Jesus didn't wash his hands before a meal, the Pharisees pointed out at one time) when I was asked to take one of the indigenous women around to Lazarus House so she could shower and get a change of clothes. That hadn't happened before, being asked to take someone for a wash, interesting timing of events. I happily guided her around behind the Cathedral to the center, and the ladies there helped her with the shower and clothes. On the way back she was nervous about looking nice and asked me to go ahead so she could arrive on her own, and then was pleased to receive the flattery when she came back and sat down. Moments later Warren asked me to show him the place as well, and I headed off again and waited while he cleaned up. As we got back to the meeting place there were about fifteen cops standing there, closing down the Jamboree, and so we walked on by down to the Yarra.

That evening, at my usual Friday night tv gathering with friends, I told them about my fast and they were concerned enough about my smell, that they offered to wash my feet for me! But I declined. It was more about experiencing the extra strain the physical impact that being dirty and smelly would put on relationships, despite still being the same person inside. Thinking about the power it has to divide and separate people was certainly made clear that night when another friend said that if I hadn't washed by this time next week, then staying the night at his place would not be an option. An understandable lesson in consequences, but even if I'm smelly I'm still the same lovable me, aren't I..?

Thursday 1st March

2007-03-22T16:56:00.000+11:00

Summer is finished and things begin to get a little colder. There only needs to be a small change in temperature to make a huge difference in being comfortable sleeping rough (no sleeping bag) and it being intolerable. I'm constantly watching the weather reports for the nightly minimum forecasts (15Degrees+ is great, 11 to 15Degs is a struggle and anything 10Degs or less is 'find warmth or no sleep..'), although one person told me they slept under a bridge in Canada when it was -30 Degrees.. I don't know how!

The other night someone told me they were trying to sleep in the bushes outside a corporate building, but it was to cold and wet to sleep. He was pleased when the security guards came around and told him to move on. He asked them to call the police. Then he took a swing at them and deliberately missed and fell to the ground. Then he told the guards to tell the police he had attempted to attack them but drunkenly fallen over. The guards agreed and the police came and took him away and locked him up for the night. The guy was happy as he now had a nice warm cell to sleep in until the morning.

Thursday
I had started this journey on the 10th Dec 06 and it was approaching the 3 months mark. It's been a significant amount of time and now that summer was over it was time again to think about whether to continue on or wrap it up. I was still learning new things every day but to go beyond three months was to make a considerable commitment, probably for the rest of the year.. I was confident this was where I was supposed to be for the moment but I wanted a clearer indication from God as for a longer term indication. What I decided was that I would fast for the first ten days of March, that would also be the last ten days of my first three months out here. This would serve to raise the issue to a higher level in my thinking and prayer with God. Remembering that an issue on the back of my mind can be just as much a prayer as saying some words out loud. The odd thing was, I also decided to make the fast an abstinence from washing, as well as food. I don't know why but the idea was there, strong, and I couldn't see a reason not to try it out. Being smelly and unclean is a physical state that a few street people go far below the level most people keep themselves at. There is no logical reason of limitation for being aromatic and unclean, as there are number of charity services that offer showers and washing machines at no cost. It must be a choice to be that way? A reflection of peoples' self worth? I wasn't sure. So no eating or washing and, as with most of my ideas, I will try it out and discover the implications and lessons (and hopefully the spirituality) as I go along.

In the evening I caught up with BJ again and he said he was still interested in coming to Alpha next Wednesday night. While we were waiting for the food van, I talked to another teenage kid, who was interested in my 24hr Church idea and had a number of fundraising ideas to discuss. I also offered him an Alpha invitation and he said he might come along.

After we got back from the van the crew, and a lot of others, were all sitting around drinking and singing songs, as one guy had a guitar and harmonica with him. It was like one of those 'men in the bush sitting around a campfire' nights. A jamboree, but in the heart of the city (and with no fire). Things were getting a bit rowdy when Morgan, sitting next to me, said "this might be a bit above your head, but you're safe here, understand, we're all family", although I was pretty cool with it all. But it's good to keep caution at the back of your mind, so I stay alert.

Dougy was wasted and I asked him if he wanted to go home, and taking the suggestion he got up and I went to help him as he stumbled away. Just as we walked off the cops arrived to talk to everyone else. I pointed out the cops to Dougy, and what a good decision he had made to leave, and he was ecstatic that he had avoided them and started to 'stumble jog' down the hill towards the tram stop, in case the cops saw him. That was until he saw a couple of scantily clad women and stopped to say hello, in the way only he does.. ie 'Hello ladies, wanna root?' It always draws a laugh from those around and often even the cops have a chuckle, it's more of an attention seeking act than an actual proposition. I tugged on his arm and mentioned the cops again, but that primary motivator had no more effect as it had been replaced by another, and there only seemed room for one. I finally pulled him away and then got him home.

Wasted... (Tues 20th March)

2007-03-20T12:45:00.000+11:00

I was just up three days straight without any sleep and the squat I stayed in last night was smokey, thus I have a sore throat and feel absolutely wasted today.

So even though I put myself in this position please say a prayer for my health and recovery. I have some things to attend to later today and so need to keep going for now but I hope to take tomorrow off for some rest.

Thanks :)

UpDate: 8:30pm
I went to St.Pauls 6pm Healing Service and (still feeling ill) have now come to my retreat shed in Clifton Hill. I will stay here and rest tomorrow, even if I feel better in the morning.

UpDate Thursday
Feeling better, still resting as I still have a bit of a cold but the fever has gone. So naturally I am thinking about the issues of being sick while on the street..

On Wednesday I actually took two other people to the free Health Service doctor. Both didn't get the 'medicine' they were looking for. Some script medicines are low level drugs that are then sold or used personally for a high. The previous night some street girls stole hundreds of Zanex pills from some guy, who chased them into a McDonalds, and then they kept taking the pills the next day until they were all gone. Some of them were staggering around, and droopy eyed, all day. One guy I took to the doctor was so upset he didn't get a script that he walked out without without filling out his Health Care details on the form and so the Doctor didn't get paid for the consultation. Even if I got sick enough that I needed a script I wouldn't have the money to pay for the medicine..

Later I was feeling too ill to stand up and so I lay down on the park bench for a few hours. Normally when you get sick you can lie in bed all day, but when you don't have a home and most sleeping spots are only usable in the night, what do you do during the day? If you have friends you can stay with them (as I am doing now) but there are those that don't have that option. I wanted to stick it out, being sick on the street, but by the evening I had had enough. It must be unbearable for those with a much more serious affliction and nowhere to hole up..

Also not feeling well enough to be out and about how do you feed yourself? I guess you would just have to make the effort to get to a food van for something to eat, or starve until you are better. If you want to survive you just have to find the effort to get through these difficulties, and then add it to your experiences of the Hell life has dished out to you. Probably another reason why some see prison as an easier option.

Even resolving the 'simple' issue of finding a hanky to use has forced me to improvise..

Tuesday/Wednesday 27-28 Feb

2007-03-17T02:35:00.000+11:00

So far on this journey I have not been threatened, hurt, sick or injured. In fact it's been a long time since I felt so confident and happy. It's tough going but equally rewarding. The only discomforts I've had are: dealing with the cold, getting used to sleeping on stone and a small wound on the back of my heel (where the skin has dried out an cracked a bit) but that has easily been patched with a band aid [something you can't apply to a soul] :)

Tuesday
In the morning I was sitting with the crew and the Bikky Kid and his cousin came by and sat down next to me. I was more formally introduced to them and the cousin happily told how I had helped him find the bottle shop last night. Then the conversation changed and I listened as the cousin told the Bikky Kid how later on last night he had rolled a couple of dealers and got a couple hundred dollars and about ten caps (drugs). So here I was, having been wary of walking around near the drug dealers uptown, sitting with a guy who mugged drug dealers!

As we sat there a group of cops came over to check us out. One of them was a cop I'd met a couple of times before, the first of which I had explained myself as a Church outreach person who was from Christ Church Hawthorn. He took me to be a 'kind of social worker'. I was not happy that I had not fully explained who I was and so I took the opportunity to set the record straight. When he asked for my name and address I also explained how I was not connected to any specific organization but was here as a Christian to love and serve the poor, like St.Francis ect... When I finished explaining he looked at me blankly and said "I've spoken to you before, you're a kind of social worker.." I nodded and he moved on to another person (well I had tried to give a proper explanation, so my conscience was now clear).

Now I must apologize to the Salvos. Later that morning I met Dougy outside the Life Center (the Salvos drop in center) and he was pretty sober and talking with the staff and a few others. Actually the more I interact with the Salvos the more I am impressed with them. The key thing from them is what they have and give out is always top quality (a Plasma tv in the Life Center [donated of course], fresh food [not expired stuff] and even an outreach bus [with DVD lounge and 10 computer terminals for internet and networked games inside!]). What this means is that you feel like you're treated as a 'first class' citizen, a great change from how you feel treated on the street, and they also take great interest and care in you as well.

As it was Tuesday we headed off upstairs for the weekly 3 course lunch. Dougy wanted to go but he had a wine skin with him (for drinking later). He asked if he could stash it in my bucket during lunch, and I agreed (thinking better that I hold on to it and he come to lunch with everyone, than he head off on his own to drink). After soup Dougy and another bloke came over and asked for my bucket (they wanted a drink) and I told them to take it outside, and they agreed. They headed off but I soon spied them coming back with cups full of wine and wandering around happily talking with everyone. I sighed. These weren't the craftiest criminals around and I felt guilty being party to them drinking wine up in a Church hall where the AA meetings are held.. A moment later the head Salvos guy caught on to the situation and confiscated the bucket and wine. He left it by the wall where I later picked it up on my way out and (having learnt my lesson) vowed not to let that happen again (sorry Salvos). I thought about Jesus's first miracle of changing water to wine at a party where a lot of drunkenness was definitely going on. Was Jesus feeding the addictions of the alcoholics of his time? Besides the spiritual symbolism of the act of 'saving the best to last' I really wonder what he was thinking about supplying the wine in that situation, from a practical perspective..

Wednesday
I visited my Dad for the day and went to Small Group in the evening. And that's the end of Feb :)

Sunday/Monday 25-26 Feb

2007-03-16T10:53:00.000+11:00

The other day I was sitting on the street and two guys passed by. One of them stopped and said "poor bugger", pulled out his wallet and stepped closer. Then he saw the cross on my top, turned back to his mate and said, walking away, "I almost gave money to a Christian!"

Sunday
Churches were I visited Richmond AOG (Assembly Of God) Church, on the recommendation of a friend. It had the biggest open floor area I had seen at a Church, and it was packed full. I had heard AOG was Pentecostal and it was very much like Planet Shakers. A slick production and a 'hype you up' sermon, except there was no bouncy bounce during the songs. So it was almost like Planet Shakers is for kids and AOG is for Adults. I enjoyed it and afterwards I noticed the cafe required you to purchase your food and drink (nothing wrong with that, just different to most churches, but the number of people attending [about 600] would understandably make it necessary).

That evening, after the food van, Dougy was intoxicated and I offered to escort him home (to a room he has at an emergency accommodation hostel north of the city). He agreed and we trammed up there. It took me two stops to rouse him up out of his seat and off the tram, and then gripping his arm I guided him back to the residence. He said there have been many times where he has fallen asleep on the tram to the end of the line. (I actually dropped him home a few times over the next week. Again I was concerned about using up my tram tickets but every time I am about to run out I get new ones! A couple from friends, someone recognized me in the street after reading this blog and gave me a ticket, and even sitting on the Steps a stranger once walked by me and said "I have an extra ticket for someone to use..." which I thanked them (and God) for.

After dropping Dougy off I was near the RMCH (Royal Melbourne Children's Hospital) and I went in to speak to the clerk. That afternoon I had stopped by St.Vincents to ask about the girl who had her face kicked in earlier in the week, but they said anyone underage would go to the RMCH. The clerk here didn't have a listing for anyone with the name I had. (I only had a first name but many street people use a false name when in Hospital to avoid having the police notified of their location, but when the name doesn't 'check out' they can get into further trouble. False names are generally used for minor incidents where people can get some treatment and then walk out of hospital early the next morning [without being released by the staff] before the name gets checked with the police in the regular 9 to 5 business hours). So I had no further lead on the girl, but I did see her on the street again two weeks later, arm in arm with the same boyfriend who beat her up previously. (That's something I still don't understand, why people return to their abusers. Last month I helped a lady find the right tram stop for her destination and she told me how her husband hit her everyday for twenty years, before he passed away. I asked her why she couldn't just leave, and she said it wasn't an option and didn't explain any further). The latest on the young girl is that the DHS (Department of Human Services) has her now in 'secure' (lock up detention) which lasts for about three weeks.

Later in the night I was surprised by the HJs staff attitude when one member was cleaning the tables, where it appeared one youth had fallen asleep (sitting face down on the table) and he gave him a little shove. The youth slid off the seat and slumped across the floor. The staff member calmly stepped over the youth and continued cleaning the tables. I went across with another customer and checked the youth. He wasn't asleep but unconscious and we called an ambulance. Unable to rouse him (perhaps a drug overdose) we put him on his side and the ambulance came, stuck a tube down his throat and took him away. All the time HJs staff paid no attention to the issue at hand. Just a regular Sunday night for them? If they didn't care what about a 'duty of care' for those in their store? I later emailed HJs head office to qualify about that, but so far no response.

Around 2am there was a woman who sat quietly but had the shakes. When she came up and asked if I would be her boyfriend I detected a sizable mental disability. Knowing a large part of the street community deal with some sort of mental disability (officially 80% since the de-institutionalization of recent times) I often wondered where the line was drawn. There must be some sort of care for the worst cases who really have no ability to care and protect themselves from harm. In this case I was sure the lady I was talking to was well across that line. She said she was waiting for the 4am train, so I said I was a priest (which put her at ease and explained why I couldn't be her boyfriend) and sat with her for a couple more hours to watch over her until she headed off to the station (even though the first train is at 5:20am).

Monday
In the evening the woman I sat with was back. This time another girl (Jen) was around and knew her well, as she had lived with her a few years ago. She said she was supposed to be in an institution as without her meds she will unknowingly harm herself, perhaps walk in front of a tram or train. Jen called the police and they came down and took the woman back to her residence. Interestingly I was told that while the lady was not able to care for herself in normal society, her residence is not a secure location and people are able to wander off, so if I see her again, don't hesitate to call the police to take her back. So ironically even those deemed not able to care for themselves are still responsible for their own well being to some degree.

Also later in the night I helped a guy (just new to Melb after two days) find the 24hr bottle shop, up in Russel St. I chatted with him as we walked up there and he got his beer. As we started back we bumped into the 'Bikky Kid' who is involved in the drug scene up there. It turns out the guy I was helping was his cousin! I walked with them a bit, as they caught up, and we passed a young girl huddled in a doorway corner. They asked if she was ok and she said she was fine. We kept walking and then the guys headed off elsewhere. I went back to check on the girl as she look vulnerable and alone, like a runaway new on the streets. She was still huddled there and I approached and said I was with the church and did she need any help? She again said she was fine and her friends would be along soon. I said ok, and went back to the other part of town. She could be telling the truth but I didn't sense it. But for someone new on the streets I could understand them not wanting to trust anyone. Learning to survive can be a lonely road of hard lessons, and you can't help someone who doesn't want it.

Yesterday (14th March)

2007-03-15T14:21:00.000+11:00

Phew.. been so busy this week, every time I think I have time to do some blogging, something happens..

Yesterday morning I was walking through Collingwood (9:30am) thinking 'I've got nothing planned for today so I should have plenty of time to go to the library and do some blogging, but first I will commit the day to the Lord...' As I finish praying an Arnotts delivery truck pulls over and the driver jumps out to say hello. It's a Christian guy I met on the Steps around Christmas. He asks if I am still doing my street work and we have a catchup before he then gives me a box of stuff (chips and about 100 Heaven chocolate bars [just expired]) to hand out to people!

Next, I stopped at St.Mary's House of Welcome, handed out something to everyone and then sat with a lady and had a good long talkbout her discrimination issues and prayer for her back pain. Then I walked around the city handing out the chocolate bars to street people I knew, a good busker (with his bass guitar), an Amnesty International girl (who thanked me with a kiss on the cheek [Woo hoo!]), and a Big Issue guy. I still had some left over, so I dropped a bunch off at the St.Pauls reception, for the staff there, ate two myself and kept the last one for Jen (a little street girl I'd been talking to recently) whom I hadn't seen yet. Then I walked around the city for a couple of hours with Angela (another indigenous street girl I had been befriending). When she left at 3pm I thought I would go and sit down the back on the comfy seats in the upper level of HJs and have an hours break before I was due to meet a friend at 4pm. As I sat down someone shouted out 'Hey John!' from even further down the back, and it was Jen and some friends sitting there, so I joined them until it was time for me to go and meet my friend.

At 5pm I was free again, I thought, but moments later as I was walking along I came across Warren and some others sitting under a tree, drinking, and (I am always learning new things) smoking chuff using empty cans as smoking pipes. I sat with them for a while and at 7pm an internal dispute was getting a bit aggressive, so I headed off and went to Small Group out at Hawthorn.

When I came back in at 9:30 I talked with some people at the Rosies tea and coffee van, which I always enjoy as they often have fresh volunteers (Catholic teenagers) that are a little timid to talk with the street people and so sometimes they see me, and my cross, and think I will be an easy(Christian) person to talk to. I take the opportunity bushwhack them and open up on them with full force Christian topic discussions and get them to think beyond their normal boundaries! LOL (Don't worry I do it in a caring tactful way) They enjoy it. One guy said he learnt more in 10 minutes, from our talk, than he ever had from Church, which is a good point that a lot of Churches assume everyone knows the basic practical knowledge stuff you get as a kid from Sunday School, but what if you never went to Sunday School, where do you learn that stuff if your Church doesn't offer anything extra beyond Sunday sermons?

After Rosies I thought I would take a break and headed down to Elizabeth St, but I ran into some street kids I knew there. So then I decided to get away on a tram and head across to the other side of the city. I got off at a random stop and... there were some more street kids I knew, standing at the stop, who told me the Salvos outreach van had just come by and was heading over to HJs and asked me to head over there. So I caught the next tram back and met up with everyone outside HJs and waited for the Salvo's van. It came along just before midnight with some pizza and drinks, which a lovely little old lady (about 90 years old) handed out with a smile.

And then God let me head off for some sleep.

Sat 24th Feb 07

2007-03-09T12:38:00.000+11:00

While I write about the dramatic highlights of the day, I am still quite busy and active in the other times. I do spend a lot of time just sitting quietly with people, as well as chatting, going to churches, meetings, catching up with non street friends, and of course blogging. It took me 2 months to finish the St.Francis book(about 300 pages) and I enjoyed reading it when I had spare time! My typical day would be: get up around 7am, sit for an hour, meet up with some of the alcoholics (that always start drinking at 8am), talk to some people at any one of a number of charities (they mostly open from 10am to 1pm), do some Internet and blogging at the State Library early arvo, have a nap on some grass somewhere late arvo, there are a range of early evening activities(street related) to choose from depending on the day of the week, the late food van gatherings (8pm to 10pm), sit on the Steps and talk or sit at the Meeting place(10pm to 12am), and then hang out around HJs until about 2am before finding a spot to sleep.

My average weekly sleeping pattern (the most common question I get) is usually: Sleep rough three nights a week, stay up all night and get some sleep on the grass during the day twice a week, meet some friends for tv night (and stay over) once a week, and stay the night at the invitation of another friend(generic) once every couple of weeks. (I generally have a number of open offers to visit friends for the night, which I like to use when I haven't had a break for a while as they are always such stimulating catch ups and refreshing sleeps.)

Saturday
There was a state wide gathering of scouts today, for their 100th anniversary. The street was closed off and there were kids everywhere. Dougy was half pissed and, shirt off, was happily staggering around the kids on the street, saying hello. I kept beside him smiling and waving at the leaders to assure them he was ok and no threat. The kids were curious at him and not too worried, innocence can be happy and peaceful but I'd rather be aware. I wonder if that means I think Adam and Eve eating the apple was a good thing?

In the afternoon I was sitting with Dougy and another guy who had both gone to sleep on their benches, after drinking too much. Along came the Indigenous Elder that broke up the fight between Dougy and Troy last weekend. (Actually Troy is gone permanently now as he beat up a guy on the Steps and stomped on his head [all on camera] and as the guy lay there bleeding he pulled out a police badge, he was off duty. Realising he just beat up a cop, Troy ran for the hills and hasn't been seen since.) The Elder slapped Dougy on the back, hard, saying "Wake up to yourself!" but Dougy didn't move. He looked at me and, seeing my bucket, asked me to go and fill it with some ice, and then he would be able to wake them up. As I was agreeing to find some ice he picked up my personal bag and said "I'll hold on to this until you get back, I'll be up near the Church" and he walked off. Right, what was I to do? I didn't have any money to buy any ice and I didn't want to go to the HJs refill machine and stick a bucket under it.. but I needed to complete this mission to get my bag back (please Lord..).

I went over to HJs and had a look at the refill machine. To my relief the catchment tray underneath the refill taps was full of spilt drink and ice! I got a used cup and scooped the ice into my bucket and then did the same with the refill machine on the other side of the store, which was busy enough that no one seemed to notice what I was doing. I filled up the bucket over half way. Happy, I headed back across the road and looked for the Elder. He was no where to be seen. I headed up to the Church and again he was not in sight. I wandered around the general area for about an hour getting stressed that I had just lost all my stuff, and wondering if I had been tricked so he could take my bag without any objection. I went and sat back at the Church in despair.

Next thing I new the Elder walked out of the Church with a staff member, hugged him and happily swapped my bag back for the bucket of ice. We headed back to the benches and he scooped out a handful of ice and held it against the first guy's face. Instantly the guy jerked, convulsed and sprang up to his feet shaking his head and spluttering. (he he..) Then the Elder went and held the ice against Dougy's face and.. not even a murmur. He held it there for about a minute but Dougy slept on and so the Elder sat down, pulled a bottle of port out of his pocket, took a sip, and then stuck it in the bucket of ice, at his feet.

A while later others had joined us and Dougy was awake. I needed to go to a friend's birthday party but was waiting for the Elder to finish with the bucket. In the end I got up and said goodbye and told the Elder he was welcome to keep the bucket. He got up and hugged me and said "from now on your name is Magic!" and then told everyone else that from now on they had to call me Magic. (I was a little unhappy about it as 'magic' is a non Christian supernatural term, but perhaps it meant something else in the Aboriginal language?) Then I headed off to the party, where I shook my stuff with a Turkish belly dancer.

(I later replaced the bucket with one from Safeway for 99cents, which I got the money for from the people standing in the express lane. It was my first 'begging' experience! or, as I prefer, 'fund raising' experience. On the street it's called 'coal biting'.)

Thursday/Friday 22-23 Feb

2007-03-06T16:32:00.000+11:00

Thursday
Got thrown out of a shopping arcade, near Bourke St Mall, one minute after sitting down on a bench, because the security guy said 'he didn't like the look of me.' I asked him what was it about my appearance that concerned him? and he said 'he wouldn't say because then he would be liable..'

Was with the crew and met a 200 pound openly gay indigenous man and chatted with him about his favorite movie scenes. As I left he hugged me and started crying because he said he was affected by meeting 'such a good person..'

Visited some new friends for the first time. Enjoyed some pizza and talk about what we(personally) would be like if we lived in caveman times. Stayed the night.

Friday
As I left the next morning there was a lady on Oprah talking about how she went to live on the streets as a learning experience (for 3 days). She made a good point about giving out money to beggars. She said 'she doesn't always give money, but she always acknowledges them.'

Stopped and sat next to Bandok and had a chat about what movies he wanted to see. He had a bottle of port and after a few minutes said 'Brother I love you but it's time for you to leave. I'm going to be drinking now and I don't want to Red Light you..' (draw the cops attention to you)

Met a man unsure what to do with his life after he had been rejected from joining the Franciscan Order after the application process. (In St.Francis's day there were no requirements, although some people were expelled.)

While sitting on the steps an indigenous girl came up and kissed me on the cheek and said 'Hello uncle..' ('Uncle' is an indigenous community generic name prefix for someone you respect, or just Uncle if you don't know their name. I am sure there is a more intricate understanding as to how and when it apples, so I'll keep sussing it out.)

Wed 21st Feb 07

2007-03-05T16:11:00.000+11:00

Jason has been away for a couple of weeks, I am told he has been picked up by Social Services and is in a 'secure' juvenile center. This highlights one of the problems with relationships on the street. People just come and go without any warning or explanation. They can be picked up(jailed), taken to hospital or they might just head out of town for a while. Often when they head off it's not that they don't have time to give you advance notice, just that they don't think to do so. Compared to normal Eastern Suburbs life where knowing your family and friends locations and movement plans is a very high priority, it's quite a difficult change to get used to.

Wednesday
I got talking to a guy(BJ) who had just got out of prison yesterday, after a few years. BJ spent all his time working out and had plenty of bulk, a shaved head and a light high pitched voice that contradicted his physical image. At first he was a little concerning as, half drunk, he kept hugging, slapping, and pushing us around but it was in a friendly way. He said he would probably be out for a few months before he mucked up and headed back inside. I always thought it was a bit of a cliche about ex cons not being able to cope with the freedom and responsibility of the 'outside' but he said that was exactly how he felt. He liked the ease of routine and structure provided there, and thought there was no possible life he could build out here. This is an issue I come across more often now. Even if someone wants to change, then what future can I/we/society offer them? All their friends and life experience are in another system of culture and to make a solid attempt of change would mean leaving that(and friends) all behind. Then there was his despair that there wasn't any jobs he thought he could do. I suggested physical trainer, and he seemed to like that. He asked me about God and we chatted for a couple of hours and he just could not believe you can't get into Heaven without Jesus. He asked me at least twenty times "So if you live a really good life helping people and never do anything wrong then you can't get into Heaven without Jesus?.. that's mucked up!??" shaking his head. Before he left I invited him to come to Alpha and (as he had nothing else to do, and nothing to loose, before heading back 'inside') he accepted the invitation. (He stopped me last night to confirm it was still on this Wednesday :)

Warren was feeling crook again and asked me to call the ambulance for another try. While we were waiting the Salvo outreach van pulled up and we went and talked to them. Warren asked them for a lift to hospital and they were happy to do so when they were finished, which was good. So I canceled the ambulance and they took him up there where he got some treatment.

Late in the night I was sitting with some people and I heard screaming from across the road. As I got up I saw an adult guy(indigenous) walk away from the area and his girlfriend (14yo white street girl) stumbled across the road and collapsed at our feet. He had attacked her and been kicking her head, after an argument. She was convulsing on the ground and it looked like there was a sharp dent in her forehead. I went to the pay phone, called an ambulance, and returned to help. There is not much street knowledge of first aid other than 'don't move them', and even that rule is often ignored. I reached down to check her pulse but was really doing it to provide her with a bit of human contact while we waited, as she was in such distress. As I reached another street girl shouted not to touch her, as the boyfriend was watching from across the road, in the dark, like a wolf at the edge of the forest, and she said if I touched her then he would come after me too. She cried out for a cigarette to smoke while we waited, one was lit and passed to her. After the ambulance took the girl away I asked someone what the her name was so I might visit her in the hospital the next day. I was told not to visit her because if the boyfriend found out, again, he would come after me.

Later the boyfriend and his brother came over and the brother said 'it was ok to beat up women but this time his brother had gone too far' and he would take care of it. Then they just played around together (pretend martial arts) and were all happy and smiling. I went up to the brother and asked if I could have permission to visit the girl, and was told to ask the boyfriend. So I went ans sat next to the boyfriend and asked him if I could go and visit her in hospital, and he said if she was in hospital then he would visit her. Then he broke down and started crying and asked me to pray. So we put our arms around each other's shoulders and I spent some time praying for him and the situation, emphasising 'love not hate', 'peace not war' and better relationships.

Tuesday 20th Feb 07

2007-03-02T12:11:00.000+11:00

Often you see homeless people in completely different outfits from day to day and week to week. For them it is easier to go to a charity, shower, and change into another set of used clothes(free) than to wash the ones they were wearing. The charity will wash the discarded clothes and then pass them onto the next person. So sometimes you think you're seeing a similar garment on someone else, when in fact it the same one that has just been passed on. And then there are those, like me, who never change what clothes they're wearing, and it becomes a part if their identity.

Tuesday
In the evening I was talking to one of the crew called Warren and he agreed to go into rehab. He is a thin white guy from the country that had used switching to alcohol as a detox method to get off Heroin, swapping one addiction for another (hopefully less destructive) one. It think this method had some 'cool' name but I have forgotten it for now, so I'll call it an 'alco detox switch'. The problem for Warren was that his high long term use of drugs and alcohol had damaged both his kidneys and the bruising from their internal bleeding had made both his hip areas pretty black. In reality he is in dire straights and told me he had been on dialysis previously.

He decided he had had enough and it was time to go to a Rehab and dry out, then head home to the country and get away from the city for a while. I had offered to support him and visit him while he was in Rehab and he said he would appreciate that, it would mean a lot to him, and so (as he was also had back pain from the kidney trouble) he asked me to call him an ambulance. I made the call and they said it would be dispatched right away and I went and sat back down with him. While we sat there I asked if I could pray for him and he said that would be good, and so we spent a few minutes in prayer. As we waited a pair of cops came over and told us to move along. I explained to them that an ambulance was coming but they replied that there was no ambulance coming, that the ambo service had called them(the police) to handle the situation as it was not considered a priority for them. Warren showed the cops his bruised hips but they said 'if you want your kidneys to improve then just stop drinking' and again told us to leave the area. Shocked that they didn't see that getting Warren to hospital and Rehab was in 'everyones best interests' I helped walk him away, down the road. I offered to help him tram up to the hospital but, feeling rejected, he was no longer interested in trying to get any other help that night.

Later I was thirsty and went into HJs to get a cup of iced water but they refused to give me one because I didn't look 'trustworthy'. It actually worked out in my favour as I then went next door to McDonalds, where I got a cup (no fuss), and sat down. Sam was there and he kept giving me strange looks, so I invited him to sit with me. He said he was surprised to see me sitting there as I wasn't in the store when he first walked in, and he had been watching the door (without a break) ever since. He said there was no way I walked in without him noticing and was suspicious as to how I got there (he might have been thinking teleport?). We ended up having a good chat for over an hour about politics and all sorts of other things. As he left I noticed his pants were split at the back, which is not an uncommon sight among the homeless (not that I am out here looking at asses all day). I wondered if he knew or didn't care? I decided not to ask.

Feeling like doing some more scrubbing, I got up and asked the manager if it was ok if I used the rest room basin to fill up my bucket. He then offered to fill the bucket himself and went round the back of the kitchen and came back shortly with some hot water. I was very grateful. Heading across the road I started cleaning and there were a couple of street kids at the top of the steps. They asked me all sorts of questions about God, half in jest but also some serious ones as well. Their biggest question was whether I thought Homosexuality was wrong? I gave them my opinion and they said it was the best answer they had heard, and gave me their respect. Then they went off into the night, and I got the whole step finished and felt good.

Monday 19th Feb 07

2007-03-01T10:16:00.000+11:00

The other day I was walking around Federation Square and I noticed all these tents set up behind it. They were of a strong white vinyl/plastic and a couple of meters square in size. I looked inside one and they even had a mat flooring. 'Wow' I thought, 'these are great, the city has finally solved the homelessness problem..' but no, they were there for the Sustainable Resource Festival that weekend. As far as I know Melbourne doesn't have a night shelter for those sleeping rough. I wonder how much resources it would take to set one up? For a couple of days the tents were empty, residents: at least one.

Monday:
In the morning I found the guys at a different place, down by the river. Robbie was standing there, in drab blue denim pants and jacket and bare feet. With shoulders slightly slumped and fists half clenched, he looked like a washed up brawler who still had fight in his heart and carried a long deep memory of events past forgotten but with their history visible enough in his eyes that he would instantly get your respect, even if you didn't know why you were giving it. I wished I had a camera, it was one of those lasting defineing images. In fact as I have come to know Robbie he is really just a big softy. Yesterday I was sitting with him at the meeting place and along came Nora (one of the friendly Credo girls) who sat down with us to say hello and have a chat. Robbie talked about the environment, materialism and how precious young women were, to be looked after as our most valuable resource. He even reached into his jacket and pulled out a pen set (from the souvenir shop across the road) and gave it to her as a gift, and then asked me to find her a flower. He may even be a Christian? as he mentioned there was a particular Church he likes to go to on Sunday mornings (where they give him a bottle of port to start the day.. I guess alcohol[Communion] is served in Churches most Sundays, his just comes in a bigger size..). Actually I have never seen him in a fight, he only tends to get upset when people are inconsiderate or disrespect his indigenous values. He is almost a living statement of 'What else can I do? White man's society hasn't left any room for me (and my people) to exist..' His favorite thing is to pat a pair of little dogs, a lady walks by with most days, he calls them his pupps.

Also by the river I saw the indigenous guy Pete, whom I'd been on the lookout for. I introduced myself, reached into my bag and pulled out the sunglasses his lady friend had left on the seat last Wednesday. Returning them to him he was a bit surprised and it was a moment before he remembered whom he had been with, and thanking me said he would return them to her later. Not long after, I was standing by the river railing, staring at the jellyfish, and he came over to talk to me further. He told me of some issues, and then asked me to pray for him and his family. I put my hand on his shoulder and prayed with him for bit before he returned to sit with the others.

In the afternoon I was sitting at he steps with Dougy and Troy (another indigenous guy of the crew who is usually high and happy but also quick to anger and violence). They were both very drunk and they started arguing together that quickly escalated into violence. They were yelling at each other and standing toe to toe with Troy gripping Dougy by the throat and Dougy standing thee with his bottle of port in one hand behind his back. I decided to see what influence I had gained with them and walked up to them telling Troy to let Dougy go and for them both to seek peace. Unfortunately I got Troy's name wrong and he turned to correct me but remained gripping Dougy's throat with full force. The distraction allowed Dougy the moment to 'bottle' him (smash the bottle over Troy's head) and I was showered with port and glass.. Influence not detectable, and so I stepped back and went to sit down and let them resolve it (I didn't half blame Dougy for his action as he probably couldn't breathe for the last minute and there was no indication of being let go). Troy seemed ok, thanks to his cap, probably more stunned by the action than the actual impact. Then one of the older, most respected indigenous elders, charged Dougy and wrestled him to the ground yanking the rest of the broken bottle out of his hand, and it was over. The cops wandered over and Troy ran off. Dougy waited for an ambulance to arrive to check him out as Alice (sitting nearby) had told the cops that Dougy had hit himself over the head with the bottle. At first I thought she had seen it wrong, and then I realized it was to protect Dougy from being charged with assault, as it's probably not an offence to hit yourself over the head. Interestingly Dougy was later 'punished' by the indigenous community for the fight, as while he generally has more respect than Troy, when it comes to violence the indigenous community rally around their own before anyone else, whether the person was in the right, or wrong.

The Stone

2007-02-23T14:30:00.000+11:00

Sunday 18th Feb 07

For a while now I had a growing desire to do some work, but not regular work, something manually labourous, like when I enjoyed moping the floor at CoH last year. A while ago I had contacted a couple of churches with an offer to help out with 'anything', and while they were grateful, no immediate requests for assistance had materialized. Then about a week ago I was sitting on the steps of St.Pauls (Swanston St side) and noticed how dirty and grimy they were, it looked as though they had never been cleaned. To the side of the steps was a church billboard which read "Church Restoration, can you help?", so I resolved to do something about it..

Later in the week I was sitting at Small Group and they asked me if there was anything they could help me with. At first I said "no, just prayer" but as I sat there I remembered the idea to clean the steps and thought perhaps I could ask them to buy me a bucket and some cleaning materials to do the job. I normally don't like asking for a financial type of assistance, but the more I sat there and thought about it, the more excited I became. In fact I became so excited and energized about asking for their help I could barely sit still and wanted to jump up and run around, what was going on? It took all my effort to contain myself and after the prayer I asked the question, and of course they were more than happy to help, and down to the supermarket we went. None of us had much of an idea what cleaning agent was best for stone steps, but after reading a few we chose Sugar Soap (if anyone knows of something much better, then feel free to let me know). So soon I headed back into the city with a bucket, detergent, scrubbing brush, and gloves.

I carried around the bucket of things around for another couple of days, before I found the time to give it a go. But first I came and sat on the Flinders St Steps at midnight Saturday night. Ethan was there, called me over and asked where I had been the last couple of days, as he had been looking for me. I explained that after being up for three days straight, during the middle of the week, I had crashed at a friend's place for some rest (and to write the big 'catch up' blog - a big thanks to that friend). He reminded me that after our talk last week (when the Justice sign was being put up on the Church wall) I had then shown him the ACME Centre in Fed Square where you could watch students' animation and film work in couched booths, and play video games for free. He said he had been looking for me to thank me, as the cool air conditioned Center had provided him and his gang members with a perfect entertaining escape from the extreme heat that week. He said he had told his gang all about me and then called them over to introduce me personally. The gang members were pretty shy and formal, shook my hand and then moved on to chat among themselves. I let Ethan know it was Jason that had first shown me the Center, and so to pass on his thanks there. Then he asked what I had the bucket for? and I told him I planned to try cleaning the church steps, and right away he asked "Can I help?", surprised I said sure, and that I might try it later that night, and then he headed off with his mates.

An hour later (1am) things grew quiet, and I went over to St.Pauls. I looked at the steps and decided to just clean just one of the stones on the bottom step, at the end, so I could look at it in the light the next day, and check the result. I didn't want to come by the next day and find I had used the wrong agent and turned a whole step green, or something, overnight. First up I had to find some water. The taps around the Church were the kind that had the top bit missing, so I couldn't use them, and I was too shy to ask the fast food stores across the street, and so I headed up to Colins St, where there were some 24hr public toilets, and filled the bucket there. I came back, soaked the stone, and started scrubbing. I took my time, there was no rush, and I enjoyed the work which acted like a meditation. Back and forth, circular motions, patience and thought, it felt good just to sit there and drift away, my mind floated back to St.Francis. He had a vision where God had told him to 'build the Church', which he had taken literally, and then went back to where he had seen a deteriorated Church earlier, and rebuilt it over the next year. Scholars now look back and say God's request was probably metaphorical and that he wanted St.Francis to rebuild the Church as a religion and community, an impact he certainly had during his lifetime, and long after, perhaps even now. So I felt good there, scrubbing away, as it also felt like a literal action of restoration of the Church (stone), which metaphorically reflected my exploration/restoration into the gospels call of direct personal witness to the poor and marginalized. Which in a way was even a restoration of my own relationship with God, which had been lacking these elements in recent years.

An hour later Ethan came across, sat down, and we started scrubbing together (I had picked up an extra pair of gloves, brush and sponge, earlier in the day, in case of this scenario; I just hadn't expected it to happen so soon!). He asked me further about God and told me more of himself. He had a basic understanding of Christianity as his Aunt had taken him to Sunday School as a child for a couple of years, but which then stopped as his Dad was a Buddhist. He then lived on the streets for twenty years, was illiterate and was now about 32. He built a good reputation as a fighter, often attacking first to build fear with reputation, taught Ninjitsu for a while, and now was a Gang leader and respected street identity, occasionally drinking with Robbie's crew, where I first met him. He said he had been watching me for a while, and recently felt touched by my preaching (actions not words). He told me that he was only respected out of fear, and people wanted to know him, but only because of his fighting reputation. No one would do what he said out of love. For example he didn't want the young street kids to go through what he had and so he often wanted to send them home. But they would never go because he asked, he would have to threaten to beat them up if they stayed, to get them to leave, if only for a few days. He said he learnt from me that the greatest power was to make your own decisions and follow your own path, regardless of what everyone else said. In the last couple of weeks he had tried not fighting by 'turning the other cheek', or just running away. He was sick of his world of violence and self interest (to the point of suicide) and he now wanted to try something new, and to change. He said he believed in Jesus but didn't believe he could be forgiven because of the bad things he had done (some of them against the Church).

I explained to him the metaphor of the Crucifixion. Jesus was on the cross and with two robbers, one on each side. One robber criticized Jesus and the other admitted he was a sinner and recognized that Jesus was innocent. Jesus told the humble robber that he would be with him in Heaven later that day. It was the same with us. If we criticize Jesus then we won't be forgiven, but if we admit our own sin, and believe in Jesus (having an attitude of changing to follow his ways), then we are forgiven and will end up in Heaven. I told him, from what he had told me, he had fulfilled both these criteria and so he was forgiven and a Christian like me! He didn't sound too convinced and so I asked him if he would come to the Alpha course (Christian intro discussion group) at my Church in a few weeks. He said sure, he would follow me where ever I went, and do whatever I asked..! Um right, I'm not sure I wanted that kind of responsibility, so I just left it at doing the Alpha course together.

We then washed off the stone and as he left he said I shouldn't clean any more as it was 'beneath me'. To which I tried to explain about servant hood but I'm not sure it sank in. He headed off and sat there amazed. (At first I became a little suspicious as too whether I was being played, it was all too good to be real, right? Always my top tickbox, to feel I've directly, person to person, helped someone to become a Christian. Was it a tick? But over the course of this week we have met a couple more times and he still has the same resolve. We even read some Bible together!)

I sat nearby as the morning sun came up and looked across at the stone. It was a little bit brighter :)

Meeting Bandok

2007-02-20T12:56:00.000+11:00

Thursday 15th Feb - 12:30am

After the food van had disappeared for the night, I walked back up to the Steps, and sat down. Looking across the open walkway I saw Bandak, an indigenous man sitting on the ground, drinking and yelling at people as they walked by. He was right out just before the crossing lights, where the crowds had to surge around him to get by to the station. Occasionally someone would stop and give him some change, or a cigarette. He was a stocky fellow, with the darkest, most dense, black bushy beard I had seen yet. I also recognized him as the drunk indigenous guy that had welcomed me on the first night I had arrived on the steps. And I also recognized him as the guy who had whacked Dougy over the head with with a bottle, on the steps, a couple of weeks ago. I hadn't seen him around very often but when I did he was always quick to violence (or threats), usually without any provocation or reason. For that reason he was the other person (besides Gary) that I felt nervous around. I decided to head across to the meeting place, and he asked me "Buddy, can you help me out with some change?" I dropped a 20 cent coin into his pile. It was small but the chime of the coin hitting the others appeased him, and I was able to move on.

Across the other side I met Lindel, a street community icon, that comes in on weekends and sits with his dead cat (taxidermy) and becomes a central gathering point for peaceful conversation. Then I went over to the other side of the road and sat near Pete, another indigenous community regular I had not yet met. He was with a lady and soon they drove away in a car that pulled up, and I saw on the bench the lady had left her sunglasses behind. I picked them up and stored them in my bag, to give to Pete when I next saw him.

Back on Lindel's side, three or four others including Bandok were sitting there talking. Suddenly Bandok got angry and started to argue with Lindel. Bandok got on his feet and was yelling "I'll kill you! I'll pick you up and throw you through this window!" and Lindel still sitting was protesting "I didn't mean to upset you, I am a peaceful person and don't like violence." Everyone else just sat and didn't interfear. Bandok, still yelling threats, started swinging and I think one of his punches may have landed, at which point he stops swinging and then sits down. Some more talk of peace from Lindel and he accepts it, and sits there silently.

Not long after I came across and sat with the group for a few hours. Around 5am everyone got up (except Bandok) and decided to head off. I got up too and thought about leaving, but I saw Bandok sitting there and thought that's what Bandok is probably used to, everyone abandoning him with no one willing to risk sitting with him alone. What would Jesus do? He would probably take the opportunity to sit down with him when no one else would. And so I sat down next to him. After a few minutes of silence he said to me "Did you just call me a dickhead?" Uh Oh.. this might be the start of something.. I replied "No, I just want peace" and he seemed ok with that and nodded off to sleep, and slumped against my shoulder.

As I sat there with him leaning against me, I realized I was probably unable to move away without waking him up, but he might sleep for hours, so what to do? A few minutes later some cops came along and woke him up, saying "you can't sleep here" and we had to move along. I got up relieved that the situation had been resolved. As we walked away from the cops Bandok came after me and grabbed my arm. He said "Thanks for staying with me, no one else did and you didn't have to do that." He shook my hand three times in the process and also said "your welcome to come and talk to me anytime" before he walked away, and I was left a little stunned.

Dougy Detox Wrap

2007-02-19T16:27:00.000+11:00

Well Sunday a week ago I stayed up all night (walked with Alice and learnt about the heroin dealers/cash for mobile phones 'black market' trade) and through to Monday evening before I saw Dougy. He came over to the Meeting Place (green seats out front of St.Pauls) and was fairly drunk. I asked him about the rehab program, that he was due to start today, but he was reluctant to talk about it other than to shake his head no. The other crew were sitting there and so I was hesitant to discuss it further until we were alone. Just as the others left, an hour later, and I asked him if he would start the program tomorrow and if I could go there with him? He said ok, but again was too drunk to make much sense (or probably he didn't want to discuss it). Before I could press the matter further, the cops rolled up to talk. They said they just wanted him off the streets this evening, and didn't want to lock him up, and so they told me they were going to drive him to Ozanam House (an emergency/short term accommodation place) where he could 'sleep it off' overnight. He got in and away they went.

I had always planned to checkout one of the first level short term (3 to 6 months stay max) accommodation places at some point. As I had $15 in my pocket (the cost of a room for the night) I decided to head up to Ozanam House for the night, so I could try and catch up with Dougy there in the morning, when he was sober. When I got there (about 10pm) I spoke to the reception guy who said he didn't think they had any places available, but when I qualified that I was only interested in staying for one night, he said I was welcome to use the emergency room. This room is kept in case the hospital releases someone who needs somewhere to stay at short notice, but if it isn't filled by 10pm then it is up to the staff's desecration on how it is used. I was given it for the night, at no charge, and went for a look around the place to see what it was like. Well I found the room secure (swipe card entry) with plenty of space and bed and window. In fact the building was designed to give every room a window, even if it was just one meter between walls, but it still felt good. The rest of the building had a few pool tables and tv rooms, with some being watched, but there were no groups of people around, probably too late. All the halls and spaces were clean but bare, which gave the place a sense of emptiness that a few pictures or plants might have abated. Overall it was a fantastic step up from sleeping rough and it seemed very livable with nothing really to complain about.

After a good nights sleep (after being up for two days), and some toast from the cafeteria, I was unable to find Dougy and headed back into town, Tuesday. He came by the meeting place and told me he had just been released, as the cops had not taken him to Ozanam House but to the city lockup. There's no law about cops having to be truthful in conversation, and I guess when they're picking someone up they would like to get them in the back of the van with as little fuss as possible. Sometimes the guys do argue a lot when they're told they're being locked up. Now Dougy was back, and sober, we talked further. He said he had been in hospital all Sunday night and gone with the staff the next day to look at the Rehab Center, but he did not feel comfortable there, and the number of days he needed to be there also still worried him. He said he had got off drugs in the past without rehab and said he could do the same with alcohol when he was ready to. I didn't push the issues too far, I could see he had made up his mind, and I just told him "you make your own choices, if you want help to get through it at some point, then I will be here to support you." Then I saw surface, for the first time, a hidden intellect and persona. In a way that was reassuring but completely out of character, he looked at me and said quietly "I appreciate what you're trying to do."

The rest of the day I couldn't help but to feel some disappointment. I realize it is a huge challenge to change (and to what future?) but I felt we had come so close to taking a major step. Perhaps this was what I needed to learn from my fasting attempts this month. Certainly there seems to be some correlation between Dougy trying to give up alcohol and me trying to give up food, and both of us struggling and failing. So despite the letdown I would continue on, as before, to grow and support the relationship, but I also felt I had become a bit too Dougy focused, and I should be just as open to interaction with everyone else that was out here. This is not any level of rejection, just that as I continue on I will try and be more open to other people and directions as situations develop.

That evening I caught up with the Steps Outreach girls and discussed the situation further with them. Susan's experience working with the Savo's meant she had an incredible knowledge and history of many street people, including Dougy. She said she could see a gradual change, for the better in Dougy, over the last six years. He used to go to the 6/14 (Salvo's Church) and be very aggressive and violent with people, and sometimes ask for prayer. In effect she said he goes through cycles of wanting help and then rejecting it, but overall his steps of wanting help have been more and more positive. She said that if he had 'given his life to the Lord' last week, then it would have been completely genuine. That was good to hear. The girls talked about how the concept of 'middle class conversion' (where someone makes a decision for God and turns over a new leaf on the spot) doesn't apply 'out here'. For many it is a long journey, or process, of making small steps that bring them closer to God. It's not such a black and white world. They said if Dougy had not told you to piss off after one week, then you're doing well. They told me it was all positive and to keep going. Those girls are really fantastic, did I mention that! :)

Wednesday I met up with the crew in Elizabeth St and they didn't want to drink up at the meeting place, as they were being hassled by the cops too much there. Yes, the constant grind/attention from the cops at the meeting place does seem to have 'some' effect (which is why they have a few different drinking spots around the city) but I couldn't say when or why they move around some days, and not others. After my mentor meeting time mix up, I got back and sat down with them, and a cop car pulled up. The lead cop (a big fellow) told us all to 'get out of the city and don't come back today or be arrested.' Every western I had ever seen where the sheriff tells the troublemaker to get out of town, flashed back into my mind. He said to go over the other side of the Yarra, and they all got up to move on without much fuss. As we departed, the big cop looked at me and said, "You're not helping, you know," and I said, "I think I am helping," to which he replied, "Your being with them condones (to them) what they do..." and I was called away by the others, although I wanted to continue the conversation.

On the other side of the river we sat down under the sculptures outside the Arts Center (it was a hot day) and that's where Gary started questioning me about what was in my bag, and if I was a Narc. Then Gary asked Dougy about me and Dougy in a very serious way (out of character for the second time) "He's done alright by me" and that was the end of the issue.

Shortly later a few guys moved off (including Dougy heading back into the city to see his favorite stripper) and it was just Gary, myself and another bloke. I sat and thought about what the cop said, and decided my presence was not condoning the guy's actions. When I am with them I do not drink, smoke, swear and degrade women, thus my presence should be a constant reminder of those alternate values. In fact why don't the crew mind me being there? I'm not sure I know. Just then a new group of cops pulled up and told us there had been some complaints and we needed to move on again. The guys headed into the park across the road and I decided to head back into the city and have a break with some prayer in St.Pauls.

Catching up on Last Week...

2007-02-16T06:34:00.000+11:00

My interacting with the street community is pretty much non stop now. I have been mostly going for about two days without a break, then sleeping for about seven hours before going for another couple of days. Today I made a tough decision to just take a break to get some sleep and blog for a bit. As no natural pause in events allows me to slip away, I needed to make an excuse to depart, which can be a problem in itself..

Yesterday I needed to visit my mentor at 1:30pm and just told them (Dougy's crew) I had to meet someone (unspecified) and would be back in an hour. I had the appointment time mixed up and came back 10 minutes later, which I think, innocently, raised a little bit of suspicion. There was a new associate (new to me) who met up with us after just getting out of prison last week. Everyone has their tough guy/stare you down mode, but with this guy (Gary), it seemed to be his only mode. He is one of only two guys on the street I have seriously felt nervous around. Shortly after we all sat down, he kept looking at me and asking if I was a Narc (an undercover Narcotics police officer). But first let me re-wind a bit...

Monday 5th Feb - Evening
As I was sitting on the Steps Jason and Ruth (the Fijian girl) came over, and asked if I wanted to come along to the State Library to play with them on the computers in the Games Room there. We headed over and played for a couple of hours (this time I had a legitimate reason to be playing the games!). Jason mentioned he had no dad and his mum was an addict and didn't care what he did. After the Library closed (9pm) I walked them up to the Vic Markets to get some food. Along the way Jason was really hyper active, smashing things, spitting, and yelling random insults at people passing by. I didn't say anything, but really wanted to. I wonderd about my role, responsibility and authority in the situation. Could I say anything? I've not been charged with his care, but I am an adult in the city at night with a young kid, so that implies some responsibility. I decided anything I said would be best coming from a friendship/relationship, that had not developed far enough yet that what I said might be respected.

At the food van I met up again with Dave, the Adelaide runaway kid (Harry) and his mate (Jimmy). Jimmy was getting into a showdown with another street kid over an insult about his sister, that had come by rumor through about three different people, whom they backtracked it by calling each one by mobile phone, while they held the accused against the wall. The last guy they called denied knowledge and so the 'accused' got off, but I had to re-assess Jim's comment (last week) that he was part of a Ministry team, as he certainly didn't act like it. In fact most of what I'm told on the street is either partly or totally rubbish, but I like to take people and what they say at face value, until they prove otherwise. I don't consider it naive, but rather good to be open to people being honest with me, without suspicion. It's an opportunity for them to start an honest relationship with me, even if they mostly don't avail themselves of it.

I had a hamburger from the van, before I remembered I was supposed to be fasting, and Jason had disappeared and so I headed back to HJs. I got there just in time to see Dougy being whisked away by ambulance, this time though not drunk; he had just had an epileptic episode. I stood on the corner and was approached by young tough street girl (June) whom I had seen around. She usually wears a bandanna and has an amazingly good singing voice, she could easily get onto Australian Idol, and she had joked that she might try. We hadn't talked but she knew who I was and asked if I could hold her bottle of wine (although I hadn't seen her drink before) while she went into the pub to use the toilet. I said it was fine, and she went off. I put the bottle on the ground behind my leg and waited. I put it on the ground to be a bit cautious as it is an offense to have an open bottle in public (I think, usually the cops just tip it out) and this way if the cops came along I wouldn't be holding it and could honestly say it wasn't mine. June came back and thanked me, but before we could talk further, another older street lady came over and pulled her away to giver some advice about 'a women's prerogative to say no', before she and her friend headed off to talk to a couple of guys, Harry and Jimmy.

After midnight and into early Tuesday morning, I hung out on the street and started chatting with Ethan. He and his mate were young adult Asian guys that hung out, drinking a fair bit, with Robbie's crew. He was very friendly but told me that I was lucky I had sat with them this week, as most other weeks they would have just 'pounded' me. For some reason, he said, they had not been in a fighting mood for the last few few days. He was really intelligent, and quick in conversation, although later he told me he was unable to read. It was an issue I immediately felt frustrated by as he seemed so capable and enthusiastic otherwise. Illiteracy could be a lot more common than I realize.

About 3am Dougy strolled back with a grin, the hospital had not held him for long, and we had a chat. He said he was committed to doing the detox program (which would also help his standing in an upcoming court case) but he could not do it this week as it would mean being in the rehab center for six to seven days, and it was his birthday this Saturday, and he wanted to head out of town and catch up with family and friends to celebrate. He said Bernie, at the Salvos, had talked to him and was really upset that he would not do the detox immediately, but he was heading back for another meeting with him later on today. Again he emphasized, once his Birthday was out of the way, there would be no problem. I offered to come along to talk with him and Bernie about it later and he said that was cool. So I left the issue for later.

Not much later Dougy, Terry (another of the Crew who is always always high, happy and has a natural sliding speech slur that makes it incredibly hard to understand what he's saying, although no one else seems to struggle) and I were all sitting at the front window bench in McDonalds. They were both hunched over and asleep and I was down to the last chapter of the Homelessness Resource Book (an excellent introduction to the issues), and feeling sleepy myself. I decided to read the final chapter later and thought about dozing off myself, it would be quite comical, the three of us, all hunched over in the front window. Instead I got up and walked outside and talked to Ethan, as we tossed a soft ball back and fourth between each other. Not two minutes later along came three cops, which the manager had called, to wake up the guys and get them out of the store. Phew, I had made a good call not to sleep. They went in and really had to shake Dougy to wake him up, always with the blue gloves on when they may need to touch someone. We all stood around outside but there was another rabbit in the hole, and a moment later the cops went upstairs (which is roped off at night) and came back down with Ruth. She was in a bad mood at being woken up and they told her she was disturbing the peace, and she told them they were disturbing her peace, before trying to run off, at which point the cops grabbed her and took her to the ground, whipped out the cuffs and escorted her back to the station, which is right around the corner.

We all split up and went our separate ways. I headed back to my usual arcade spot, but there was someone already there, snoring away up the top of the stairs. I was too tired to go looking for somewhere else, so I got out my sleeping bag and lay down at the bottom of the stairs. Sleeping in a higher state of alert, I noticed shortly later when Ruth came along, released, and sat down in a corner. I still haven't mastered the art of sleeping sitting up, but many do it. Another hour or so later I awake to watch the guy at the top of the stairs get up, it's Robbie, with his indigenous flag on a pole, and he shuffles to the top corner and relieves himself, all over my favorite sleeping spot... Oh Robbie.. I don't know if I'll ever be able to sleep there again! He then stumbles down the stairs and asks me "Do you know what time it is?", "About 5am" I replied. Another hour later the arcade security guy came along and told me to move on. As I got up I saw Ruth had moved to the top of the stairs, where Robbie had 'been'. Did she not notice, or not care? I walked out into the early morning light.

I had only slept about 2hrs, but it was enough to abate the sleepiness for a later time. As I walked along the empty street Dougy saw me and called out to wait. He strolled up with a can of VB in his hand, his first drink of the morning, so he was pretty much sober. I saw some cops coming along the other side of the road, and said "Jacks", he stuck the can in his pocket. The cops came over and started to question him. Seeing the can in his pocket they made him toss it in the bin, and proceeded to arrest him. He was pretty upset about it as he wasn't drunk and not disturbing anyone, which normally only induced a warning and an order to move on. But they called for a car and whisked him away. Then along came Morgan, probably Dougy's longest best mate, but who is not around as much as Robbie. Morgan is a wiry tough older guy, who is an intelligent gruff ex-navy seal, who did a couple of tours of Gulf War 1. He talked to me about being shot out of torpedo tubes, and as a scuba diver myself, I noted that he really knew his stuff. He also lives on the streets and does a lot of drinking, but he never looses his mental capacity, and never fears anyone. He quite happily chats with the cops when they're around, and the crew has charged him with finding a squat, to which he said I was also invited to stay with them, once he found one. I told him Dougy had been locked up and he said he would be out in four hours, and went to sit down with the rest of the crew, who had just arrived.

I was concerned that with Dougy locked up he might miss his appointment at the Salvos, and so I went to the Police Station, to ask where they had taken him, so I could meet him when he got out and take him straight to the Salvos, before he came back to the crew. The officer at the station let me know he had been taken to the Carlton Watch-house and gave me directions on how to get there. When I left the station I noticed three officers walk out behind me. As I walked down the block I paused at a shop window and saw in its reflection that they appeared to be following me. I kept walking to the corner where they then tapped me on the shoulder, from behind, and I turned around to talk to them. They wanted to know why I had asked about Dougy? I explained what I was doing, and they asked me who I was with, and I said I was from Christ Church Hawthorn, my home Church. They seemed ok with that but told me there was 'no hope for someone like Dougy' and that I was 'wasting my time.' They then asked for my personal details, and I gave them my real name and particulars, before they left and I went and sat with the crew for a bit.

Around noon I headed up to the Salvos to ask them when they closed, and they said it didn't matter, that if I brought Dougy in, they would find someone for us to talk to, which was pleasing. I walked up to the Carlton Watch-house and went inside. It was a lot older and rundown than I expected, not at all fresh and new like in tv shows. An officer came out and said it would be another hour before Dougy was released and I asked if it was ok if I waited there, so I could then take him to the Salvos. The officer went out and spoke to the Sargent, who came back, and said he was happy to release Dougy now, into my care, which was great. A couple of minutes later Dougy and I were heading back up the road, and he kept stopping to tell people how I had come all the way to get him and he had "just got out, early", he was very excited by it, and he would be talking about it for the rest of the week. We got to the Salvos and sat down in the hall at a table, while we waited for them to find Bernie or Macca. As we sat they suddenly brought us out a meal each, and as it was there I didn't want to offend them, and reject it, so we both ate up and my fasting was delayed yet again. After making some more enquiries, and waiting another 20 minutes without anyone coming to talk, Dougy got very impatient, and decided to leave. As we walked back to the Steps he said he was concerned he was late in meeting Morgan, who had promised to pay for him to have a hair cut, and get it all removed. When we arrived Morgan was not around and Dougy was a bit upset and went to sit with the crew.

I went to my Brother's place in St.Kilda, for a break, which I had spoken to my cousin about last week, who also lives there (my brother was away on a ski trip in Japan). When I got there I sewed up the edge of my brown Coles carry bag, which had started to come apart at the edges, and remembered that my brother had some electric clippers in his bathroom drawer. I went and got them and headed back into the city and showed them to Dougy, who was very excited, immediately bent over and said "Do it", but I needed to find somewhere with a power point. Ah yes, electricity, a commodity not so readily available to a homeless person as I first thought. I went for a hunt and it was an hour before I finally found a power point at the back of the men's toilets in the Flinders Station underpass. I also noticed as I passed the women's toilets entrance that in their foyer they got wooden couches to sit on, which the men's foyer didn't have, what's that about? I headed back to get Dougy but he had gone, and I was told he would be sleeping for the rest of the night. So I headed back to my brother's place and got some sleep as well.

Wednesday morning I borrowed my brother's spare keys (so I could later return the clippers) and headed back in to town. Dougy was there and we went and clipped his hair, which without showed up about twenty different scars on his skull, from past 'incidents'. He was really happy with the cut and gave me a big hug and kiss on the cheek. I washed the clippers and he went off to meet someone in a bar elsewhere.

I went and sat 'somewhere' and along came Jason with a friend (Amos). They were talking about how Amos had just 'found' this bike he had with him, and wondered how much he could get for it. An employee of a store nearby came over and asked if Amos was interested in selling the bike? Amos said yes, he had been wanting sell the bike 'for a while now' and they agreed on a price and arranged to meet later on to do the deal. I found myself in a new dilemma as it was basically a crime (more serious than drinking) happening in front of me. Should I do something about it or warn the employee it was stolen (although I'm confident he was aware it was). I had a general rule of non interference but if it was my bike stolen I would hope someone would do something about it.. I decided to speak up and I said to them "I feel, as a Christian, I should say that I think you should return the bike, or I could take it to the police station anonymously, if you like." He said "no", that he was not really worried as it was in the police computer that he was 'not to be arrested, in lieu of the fact that his brother was a Federal Cop'. I spoke a bit further then dropped the issue, deciding to think about it more before they returned later in the day to do the deal. I mostly thought about what type of God do I want to represent: a judging punishing one, or a friendly someone who is there to help you when you want to change. I was leaning towards the latter, but the former one does turn up at some point.

I went and spoke to my mentor about the trouble I had starting my fasting. I said it was always difficult to start but when I had been successful in the past I felt it was because God had been backing me at those times. (ie doing it in his strength, not mine [Bible speak]). Since I had felt strongly that God wanted me to do some fasting in Feb, he asked why I thought God had stopped me from fasting so far? An incredibly interesting question from many angles. Was it a matter of timing that was not ready yet? Could God work from two different angles that appear opposite? Could my inability to act be not of my own weakness but of Gods action/design? I would think about it a lot over the next week and formed an opinion later.

That afternoon I ended up doing something I never expected to do, I bought Dougy a bottle of Port. It came about as at the steps I was minding Jason's jacket for him and then Dougy came along and asked me to mind his bottle of Port for him while he went to the toilet (yes, I'm becoming a bit of a closet). After Dougy got back, along came Jason who reached down and grabbed his jacket off the ground before I could tell him that Dougy's bottle of Port was underneath, where I had put it. The bottle tipped over and clunked down the steps and smashed at the bottom. Dougy immediately went into a rage and fists clenched yelled and glared down on Jason (13 years old), like David Vs Goliath. I immediately told Dougy it was all my fault, that I had put the bottle there and Jason hadn't known about it. I said "I'll buy you a brand new bottle, full to the brim..", while Dougy's glaring eyes scanned Jason up and down, seemingly oblivious to his protests of innocence. About to step between them it diffused as Dougy then smiled and then hugged Jason and said "You know I'd never hurt you..." and then headed down the street saying to me "Let's go". I was lucky I had some money in my pocket and as Dougy was already fairly gone, I asked "Do you want to save it for a later time?", answer "No" and I got him his bottle. As we exited the shop I got another commitment from him to do the Rehab program next week and then he bumped into his friend Gary, who had just got out of prison yesterday. Gary resonated violent danger and so I was happy that they decided to go off alone to catch up, and I headed back up to check on Jason. I didn't see Dougy for the rest of the week.

I headed back to the Salvos to ask the time and place they had arranged for Dougy to go into Detox on Monday, so I could help him get there and support him through it, but they said it was actually arranged through his social worker at St.Vincents Hospital. So I headed on over there and spoke with her. She was friendly, smart and pleased I was interested in helping Dougy. We discussed what was involved in the detox process and took my email address to let me know the booking details, once it had been finalized.

After that I went to Scotty's place for a lift to Small Group. He told me he had used the public transport without a ticket yesterday, and as a penance for himself he bought a ten journey pass and gave it to me. An excellent response if anyone else finds them self in the same position. LOL. In fact my Dad had also bought me a couple of passes for my Birthday last week, and I was enjoying using them in a new way. Rather than let the possession of the tickets control me, I decided to use them on an immediate need basis with no consideration as to trying to 'make them last.' If I run out, then so what? It's great! I now just stamp them with no stress or temptation and not only have I not run out of journeys, I now have extra ones. Even yesterday (prior to this post) I met a Public transport Association volunteer who gave me $20 to use specifically for met tickets! I need to be careful I don't start preaching prosperity doctrine. Ha. Anyway, small group was good again and when it later hit midnight, I had finally just finished a full day of fasting. Tick.

Thursday I started the day a little pissed off. There were a few issues including I was still beating myself up over my poor fasting performance. So yesterday someone passed on to me some sunglasses they had been given, and I put them on. I felt a bit better now, as it was like having a nice comfort barrier between me and the world. I might also now be able to sleep sitting up at the park benches, without the cops realizing my eyes are closed. [Actually, after a few days I felt that it was more important to make direct eye contact with people, and so I passed the sunglasses on to another homeless person.]

At lunch I took up Kate's invitation to visit Credo Cafe (Urban Seeds midday meal for: 'all welcome'). At first it seemed a bit claustrophobic, as it is in a narrow basement with no windows, but everyone (staff and patrons) were very welcoming, and I soon felt comfortable. I enjoyed chatting with a number of people and also saw Tony; for a blind man he certainly gets around. It's also good to note that they serve mostly vegetarian (and vegetables are a nutrition hard to find on the charity food trail), but they also had some donoughts, so I might be back ;)

Back at the steps I sat next to Alice (the girl who had abused me on the first night of the FW and then later apologized). She had 30 cents and was trying to raise $20 so she could go and buy some Chuff (Marijuana). The second guy she spoke to, who came along, she convinced she was really hungry and he gave her a $20 note straight up. She blessed him and then headed off to score. Jason came by and told me that the Acme Center in Federation Square had an AstroBoy exhibition which included lots of Playstations and Nintendos running AstroBoy games, all for free, so we headed off and spent a few hours playing together. Afterwards I took Jason along to CoH for a Bible study, but he didn't stay long.

Up at the Vic Markets (but earlier at 8:30) I met Eco Paul to experience another charity, that puts on a meal, by a group following Sadi Babba (probably misspelt), an Indian 'love everyone and everything' religious group. We stayed also for the regular food vans and I ended up chatting to lots of people until about 1am, when I then went back to my brother's place to return the clippers. I was going to head back into the city to sleep, but my cousin strongly insisted I stay, and so I did. As I went to sleep I thought about how I, and others, manage to cope with living on the streets while we are strong, healthy and supported. I contemplated just how difficult it would be to cope is your physical or mental health dropped down, and if you had no one to support you through such a struggle.....................

Friday in the morning I stopped by the Life Center (the Salvos drop-in centre), which is the most classy of the 'drop-in centres' I had been to, and thus it was popular and busy. They had a TV, multiple newspapers, and (for all my friends at World Vision) a Table Tennis Table! When I first went there a mean looking guy asked me for a game, and he was quite good, but I was better, though I let him win 2 games to 1, by 3 points, as I didn't want him out there on the streets with a grudge against me. LOL.

Not much else happened during the day, but I did some exercises to loosen things up. There was a lot of emergency services whizzing by every half hour, that night. And there was a stabbing further down on Elizabeth St. I had been thinking about doing some prayer for healing, and so I was happy that night for the opportunity to pray for one homeless man (I was talking to at the food van) who wanted prayer to stop smoking and healing for his lungs, as he was not far from getting emphysema. When I went to sleep, Ruth came by and asked if it was ok if she also slept in the same area/spot. I said it was. (I have been told that some homeless people will go through the pockets of other homeless people sleeping [mostly those out cold from intoxification] but hey, I don't have anything to steal).

Saturday The security guy (which reminds me that St.Pauls have not had any security guys at night for a while now, I wonder if it was just a Christmas period thing?) woke me up, time to move on, and asked me to wake Ruth and move her on as well. I called to her quietly until she woke and told her we had been asked to move, but she didn't seem acknowledge what I was saying, and knowing her temper for being woken up, I didn't insist any further and headed off (she later told me the security guy didn't return). I sat on the bench in front of the Town Hall for an hour, and then Ethan and his mate came along and we walked to St.Pauls.

At St.Pauls there was a team of guys absailing down the side and attaching a huge 'Justice for David Hicks' sign, to the wall. We watched and started to talk about God and politics. Both guys said they were Christians but had no real idea of the Bible or what Christianity was, they had just attended Sunday School as children and thus ascribed themselves to it as it was where their history was. In fact surprisingly (to me) most street people respect God and Church and a lot describe themselves as Christians. I think it comes mainly from a sense that they know and admit they are people who have done a lot of wrong stuff, and the Church is there waiting, as a way to start to deal with their sin and issues, if they feel they might want to head in that direction. I chatted to the guys about God for about two hours and Ethan's mate expressed a desire to be Baptized, at some point, which was really encouraging for me, and I hope to speak to him further about it soon.

I was due to meet my friends in Reservoir that evening, and while I had a train pass, I remembered finding a small badge on the ground earlier in the week and decided to walk, so I could visit a friend along the way, who makes badges. I gave myself a few hours to walk there and headed off and up Nicholson St. I passed the Hub and halfway down the block I stopped. Something ticked at the back of my mind that I should turn around and head back to Gertrude St. I thought about it and went 'ok, I have time' to back track and go a different route. As I turned back and walked around the corner into Gertrude St I smiled as I saw Ali, whom I had not seen since I helped him find his lost key, back in December. He remembered my name and was very pleased to see me. He said he was now off drugs and improving on the methadone program, and asked me to pray for God to help him find a job. Great! His mate, standing with him, was on crutches with a swollen foot that was still painful from a motorcycle accident and operations he had a year ago. He was also interested in prayer for his foot, and so I got to pray for both of them in the street and then everyone was smiling and happy, and they waved as I continued on my journey north. I also stopped by Colette's place but she was away but I caught up with Brandon (her partner and also a friend) before walking the rest of the way to Reservoir, the whole journey took about 3hrs. I was pretty stuffed when I got there, but in a good mood.

On Sunday morning I headed back to the Salvation Army Church for a second time, on the chance that Dougy might turn up two weeks in a row, but he wasn't there. Though I must mention the great talk from the lady teaching, in her Salvo uniform, who demonstrated her desire to be 'drenched in the Holy Spirit' by tipping a large jug of water on top of herself, yes she got drenched. I love it when people give action and drama to their talks, it's much more kinetic.
Afterwards I decided to go and visit my parents, and went to catch the train from Finders St. As I stood on the platform, where the escalators came down, I decided to go to the other end of the platform for a change. I wandered down and the train pulled in and when the doors opened June stepped out and said "Hi John" and walked by as I, caught by surprise, reached for a reply.

Lunch with my parents, a nap, and a service at my home Church later that evening, and I headed back into the city. I was planning to stay awake all night, from now until when I would see Dougy, so as not to miss the opportunity to support him to go into the Rehab program tomorrow.

As I hung around Jason and Amos came by, (Amos had 'found' another bike) and after Amos rode off, I asked Jason what had happened to the other bike. He said they had not sold it to the employee but he thought Amos had given it to someone else to sell to Cashies (Cash Converters store) as the seller needs to supply a Driver's License ID and Amos was under age.

A teenage street gang came by, and started talking to to other teenage street kids. They asked what type of mobile phone he had and he pulled it out and showed them. One of the gang asked the kid if he could see if his phone battery worked with the phone. The kid agreed and passed it over, at which point the gang member put it straight in his pocket and they all walked right away. Goodbye phone. The kid from whom it had been taken said he couldn't go to the police, as he had a warrant out for his arrest, and he didn't want to fight for it, as he was sleeping on the street because his uncle had thrown him out of the house for two weeks, for previous fights, and he needed not to be in any new fights so he could return to the house next week. He said he might seek justice another way.

Around midnight I was wandering around Bourke St mall, when Alice came by and asked what I was doing. "Nothing much" I replied. She asked me to go for a walk with her. As we went up the street she pulled out and showed me a new looking PDA phone, she said she had just found it in McDonalds. "Where are we going?" I asked. "We're going to look for some Heroin dealers" she replied...

Update soon..

2007-02-12T11:05:00.000+11:00

Was a bit burnt out on writing last week, but the break has been good and I feel re energyzed to write, just been really busy the last few days and today... so more story... coming soon...

I hope to have things updated by end of Thursday...

Monday 5th Feb 07

2007-02-05T17:02:00.000+11:00

Sunday:
After returning to the city, from Church last night, I found Dougy drinking again. While he said he had tried not to drink, I didn't expect him to remain sober as an instant change. Defeating an addiction is a difficult and usually long process. What I was happy about was that he was still motivated to change his ways, and still planned to meet with the Salvo's guys on Monday. He's now a Christian, but with problems (like most Christians).

He was very intoxicated when he came and sat with me in HJs, about 12:30am. We talked about God, and prayed about his situation, before he asked for an ambulance, having trouble breathing, and then collapsed in my arms. It was a bit tougher emotionally, as he was no longer just a drunk, but a drunk caught in the grip of something he no longer wants. The Ambos came, were very friendly, and took him off to St.Vincents, and I went for a walk.

I came across Goaty who asked me to read some Proverbs to him, from his new Bible. As I opened it up I saw it was a King James version, and so I did some rephrasing as I read it, which helped. I tried to head off an hour later but he got upset that I was leaving him alone, so I stayed a while longer.

Monday:
This morning I sat with Robbie's crew, which gathered at 8am to start the day with a bottle of port. I hoped to intercept Dougy and/or remind him of his appointment with the Salvos today. By 10am he hadn't arrived. I checked with St.Vincents and he had been released at 8am, but not been by the Salvo's yet. I headed back to Robbie's crew at St.Pauls, and then slept on the grass for a while. That afternoon, back at the Salvos, they said Dougy had come by earlier, to talk. They think they will try and get him into a Rapid Detox Programme, and they are going to meet with him again tomorrow. So that was good news, that he didn't head straight to the crew, and kept his appointment.

Dougy becomes a Christian !!

2007-02-04T14:16:00.000+11:00

Yep, I rolled up my sleeping bag this morning and headed to St.Augustine's Church, but I got the times wrong and they don't have a regular service on a Sunday morning. So I walked back to St Pauls and caught the 2nd half of a small service. Goaty was there and he had been given a Bible. I was glad he had a proper one now. Afterwards I still felt like some morning Church and decided to head up to the 10:30am service, I had heard about, at the Salvation Army building, at the top of Bourke St.

As I walked in I was surprised to see Dougy there, as he had never mentioned anything Christian, but a lot of street people do turn up to Christian things for a bit of entertainment, if nothing else. Then I was doubly surprised as he seemed to be completely sober, something I'm not sure I've seen before. I sat down and he sat two rows just in front of me. He seemed happy, singing along with everyone else to the songs. At the end of the service there was a call for people to come up and pray with others if they wanted God to give them direction in life. Dougy went up, prayed with someone for a bit, then sat back down, hugging those next to him. The speaker then told how Dougy had died, during the week, and had been taken to the hospital in an ambulance, where he had then been revived, and now he had just given his life to God and wanted to start fresh!! ....and all of Heaven rejoices :)

I went over to congratulate him, and after lunch he came over to talk further. He said it was the alcohol that had 'done him in' and he 'just had to change'. (After the incident last Saturday night I had been thinking during the week that I should urgently try and borrow a camera and take his picture, as he may not be around much longer, the way he was heading). Now his outlook seems better, but not easy. There was also an amount of relief mixed in with the joy. I offered to give him any support I could, and he said he was coming in tomorrow (to the Salvation Army) to talk to someone. I also noted they run an AA group there as well, which he may join.

Sunday - The best day - Praise God!

Checkpoint...

2007-02-03T20:30:00.000+11:00

Well I had planned to have a think about how things were going and decide whether to continue on with the FW at the end of Jan, but it wasn't really necessary. So many positive things have been happening, and at a high rate of activity level, that I see no reason to consider stopping just yet.

What I did feel I needed to change was to add in a program of fasting, that I had developed 18 months ago. It's based on fasting four out of seven days a week (for example only having a meal on Sunday, Wednesday and Friday nights). I lived this program successfully for four months in 2005. At the time it was mainly a physical training programme, in preparation for this FW, as I expected food to be scarce. But as food has not been a problem, I haven't needed the fasting skills I had prepared. But now I feel I need to implement them as a spiritual discipline and added challenge to the FW. So come the new week, on Monday, I will switch it on. I still plan to visit the food vans, but will just have a cordial. We'll see how it goes.

Also, I had a few relaxing nights catching up with friends and family, celebrating my Birthday. We watched 'The Pursuit Of Happyness' which had a positive homelessness theme/story. Despite the irony of Will Smith, one of the richest actors in Hollywood, playing a homeless person, I was pleased to see the homeless extras in the movie were the real thing and paid the proper day's wages for their time/work.

But best of all I enjoyed a soul refreshing swim in the sea. So I am good to get back into it for at least another month! Lets go... :)

Wednesday - A great day

2007-01-31T23:29:00.000+11:00

1. Primary homelessness
People without conventional accommodation. For example:
- Living on the streets.
- Sleeping in parks.
- Squatting in derelict buildings.
- Using cars or railway carriages as shelter.

2. Secondary homelessness
People who move from one form of temporary shelter to another. This can include:
- People using emergency accommodation such as hostels for the homeless or night shelters.
- Teenagers staying in youth refuges
- Women and children escaping domestic violence (in women's' refuges).
- People staying temporarily with other families and friends (because they have no accommodation of their own or cannot stay with their own family).
- People using boarding houses on an occasional or intermittent basis.

3. Tertiary homelessness
People who live in boarding houses on a medium to long-term basis.
Residents of private boarding houses often do not have:
- A separate bedroom or living room
- Kitchen and bathrooms of their own.
- Self-contained accommodation.
- The security of a lease.
(From: Homelessness, by Samara Pitt)

Wednesday:
I had woken up in the night and thought, "Gee, my feet are smelly," and gone back to sleep. When I woke up in the morning light I realized the smell was not coming from my feet, but from another homeless person's feet, a hand span from my face, who must have come by in the night. In fact there were two of them, and the other was sitting nearby having a smoke. I told a friend and he said it was better than waking up to a knife pressed against your stomach. True, lol (laugh out loud).

I went and used my last $5 to buy a bag of Chicos (chocolate jelly babies), my favorite lolly, as a treat for the end of the month before I start some fasting in Feb. Then I headed over to Urban Seed and bought the Homelessness Resource book that Anita from St.Martins had given me the money for last Sunday.

As I was walking back to the Steps I saw Robbie and his crew (Dougy was not there) on the seats in front of SPC and he waved me over to shake my hand hello. Now I had been talking to someone earlier in the week about how I had been comfortable approaching Dougy and Robbie when they were alone together, but I probably wouldn't be accepted when they were with the rest of their gang (about 6 others, half of who were indigenous, a couple were females), and so I mostly walked by on the other side of the street when they were sitting as a group. After I shook Robbie's hand he offered me a can of beer, but I said I didn't drink, which caused him to choke on his drink in surprise, and splutter "bullshit" and everyone else laughed. He pointed to my cross and said, "Do you know who Jesus was?" I gave three answers, but each time he shook his head. So I asked him what his answer was, and he said, "An alcoholic; because of the wine he made." Then he said, "Do you know who made marijuana?" and I replied, "God, as it is a part of his creation." He said "That's right." Then I said, "God creates a lot of things and it's up to us as to whether we use them for good or for bad..." and he said "I'm gunna punch you in the head!" then straight away also said, "You're ok, you always say hello when you go by, you're fine." So I sat down with them all for the next hour and no one was bothered. I even pulled out my Homelessness Resource book and started to read it. A one-armed man with an Australian flag bandana was sitting next to me, and saw it. We started talking about homelessness issues, the biggest for him was that there was no subsidy for prescription glasses, and poor people like him would never be able to spend three to four hundred dollars on glasses, and so he didn't wear any. I was able to identify with him as I didn't have my glasses with me, while living on the streets.

After an hour I got up and went across to the Steps. Abbey was there, and said hello as I stood nearby. I sat down and she said "Don't worry, I won't get too close to you," and, "Those girls from last night are nice, but I think they were wanting to get away from me, as they didn't stay late." It seemed as though she had an expectation that people looked down on her and wouldn't want to be associated with her. So I decided to stay, until she left me, not the other way around. I offered her a Chico, and she cautiously took one only after she insisted on seeing me eat one first. Then as we talked she asked for more and kept taking them by the handful, until they were all gone. She talked about growing up as a ward of the state, and mentioned being a part of the drug and prostitution scene in St. Kilda (although it wasn't clear if she had been a prostitute, and I don't want to make that assumption). She said she was going back to the Rehab Centre tonight, not because she had a current addiction, but because they would be able to help her with some penicillin or medicine as she said she always gets a headache when she eats any food. She was really worried about that. After an hour she said she was leaving to go and meet her sister, thanked me for talking with her, and headed off.

I walked back out of the city, heading to my friend's house, as he was giving me a lift to Church home group, meeting at Isa Browns cafe, in Hawthorn. As I walked I was singing a few songs to God, and took left and right turns, towards Clifton Hill, without any forethought. Next thing I knew I was walking past a cafe and saw Anita, who waved, and I went inside for a quick hello. I showed her the Homelessness Resource book I had bought, with her funding, and thanked her again. We had a quick chat, but I was in a hurry, and so headed back out to Clifton Hill, and went to Small Group with Scotty. Our group had one of the best nights of discussion, talking about faith, expectations, and interacting with God.

Tuesday 30th Jan 07

2007-01-30T23:45:00.000+11:00

Monday:
Yesterday was quiet, I even sat at HJ's this morning until 2:30am, but no one came by. Then I went off to get some sleep, but my usual spot was taken, so I went to check out my backups. They were all used as well! I think I will have to revise up the number of people I perceive sleeping rough in the city. Finally I head to the back wall of St.Patrick's Cathedral and lie down. Then some drunk guy comes along and is singing/shouting a hymn, over and over, for half an hour. I wonder if God would prefer to listen to drunken praise or no praise?

Tuesday:
I got up at 6:30am, after 3hrs sleep, and walked for 2hrs to a friend's house where I had a shower and gave my clothes a wash. Later I met the girls from St.Martins who were back doing their Steps ministry, after having a Christmas break. Again it was generally quiet, except for Dougy who came by, drunk, with a huge welt on his head from the other night, and a bunch of old flowers he had found in a bin. He tried to give them away to some ladies but they just didn't seem interested. Not long after he went off to get another casket, and didn't return. Abbey came by and talked to the girls. She was the girl I had met at the start of the month who was walking around in bare feet asking for cigarettes, but she was wearing shoes now. I said goodbye and headed to the Vic Markets for the late night food van.

While I was waiting I started chatting to two teenage boys about church. They really liked my idea for a Church being open 24hrs and said they would be in it if I ever got it up and running. One of them was a runaway from his home in Adelaide. He had got in a fight with his Pentecostal Church after they kicked him out for his drugs and alcohol. He said he had given up the vices and went back to the church but was told he was not welcome back. His mother was called, and then the cops, as he was so angry at being rejected after having changed. His mum was angry with him for being arrested at a church, so he ran away to Melbourne where he was staying with his mate here. His mate said he was a part of a youth ministry team out west, so I hope he is in good hands, as he said he was here to stay permanently.

The Past Week...

2007-01-29T13:50:00.000+11:00

Last Week: It was mainly a catch up week with my other?/regular?/non-street? circle of friends. On Tuesday I went back to the Sisters of Mercy night meal, after a two week break from my first visit. As I walked in Sister Apithenia said "Hi John", without any hesitation of thought. I think her name was Apithenia, or something close, I can't quite remember...(how bad do I feel!)

Feet: On Monday morning the straps on my sandal broke again, and so I took them off. I spent the next two days walking around on bare feet. It was something I considered to do for my whole walk as Jesus said to do in a couple of verses when he sends out the disciples. But I had been concerned about broken glass on the pavement. Since I have been out, I have learned the city cleaners wash and sweep all the streets and sidewalks every night and I have hardly seen anything to worry about at all. So I wandered about, watching closely where I walked at first, but less so later on. Being on bare feet it was significantly slower traveling around, picking my way and being more sensitive over rough spiky ashfelt. After two days my feet were a bit swollen, even when I put my sandals back on, but I think it would be only a matter of a weeks adjustment period and then they would harden up and be fine. The only real area of concern to me was going to the toilets. At the worst ones there is a fair bit of urine and water on the floor and so I avoided them or picked my way very carefully.

As I walked around I thought again about the connection between bare feet and holy ground. Why is it important? Yes God tells Moses to take off his sandals in God's presence, but that doesn't give me a logical reasoning behind the action. Perhaps it is about being connected physically to the earth which is 'creation'. Someone suggested that the Earth itself is God's house. That the older Judaism didn't see someones death as the time for going to Heaven, but as the time you lie in the 'house of the Lord', that is lie in the 'ground' until the time of resurrection for Judgement Day, before then being sent to Heaven. But then wearing sandals wasn't an issue for Jesus when he walked around. I think he may have asked his disciples not to wear them on their short journey more as a challenge to them. He likes to challenge people in thought and action, and as the disciples already had little possessions, perhaps it was one of the few added physical challenges he could give them...

Certainly I felt like more of a homeless person, without any footware. At one point a staff member from the Brotherhood of St.Lawrence came by and offered to get me a pair of shoes, but I declined. I went into a few shops to look at some sandals and see how much they cost to replace. The cheapest sandals at Myer were $90, an unobtainable fortune! Other stores had some around $30 (still beyond my means) and of course there were those colorful 'Crocs' (rubber cloggs) that seem to be everywhere I look now. As it turned out I went to have dinner with a friend on Thursday and he had bought me a new pair of sandals to wear! I had not mentioned the issue to him, it was just an idea he had, and followed through on. So timely! Woo Hoo :)

Tram: Fighting that tram riding temptation took a backward step this week. I had couple of rides left on my ticket but as I went out to World Vision I thought I would delay stamping it so that it would still be valid to return on within the two hours I thought I would need to get back. As I was reading my book I looked up to see the inspectors walking around checking everyone's tickets, except mine, and then they got off. Wow I had been overlooked and lucky as I didn't have any ID to prove my address for the fine, which would have meant the cops and then a nice little house of cards would have all collapsed. I stamped my ticket and considered myself warned...

Of course the very next day, as I went to a friends house, I thought I only had one journey left and maybe I should save it for when I really really needed it, and I had seen the inspectors yesterday so I probably wouldn't again for a while... nope they got on and I had one of those guilty moments where your heart suddenly lurches against your ribs in fright! I stamped my ticket as the inspector gave me a friendly warning, but let me off, and then proceeded to go and book another offender. Now I was really warned and beating myself up at my stupid risk for no real reason. At least I have no more tickets and so I haven't had the temptation, and I really promise I have learned my lesson.

Two escapes in two days. Did God help me from getting into trouble? or was it just luck?

Blog and Catch ups: I have been very surprised by the interest people have had in this Blog and had many good talks with people about it. Thanks for letting me know your responses, it has been an unexpected although welcome part of the journey. One person even prayed for the homeless and it was his first prayer to God since childhood, how good is that! At 1:30am on Sunday morning I even had the boyfriend of a girl I had spoken to earlier in the week, spot me at the city square, and he came over to pray briefly with me! On Sunday morning I went to St.Martins Church. It was the most casual Church I have been to, but that just made it feel very homely. You could get a cup of tea or coffee down the back at any time, the Pastor sat on a couch in the front row, there was an intermission half way through, and someone even bought along their pet bird, uncaged. I thought that was very cool! The sermon from John Smith ran longer than any of Mark Leachs [he has a reputation for long ones, wink], but it was just as good. He spoke about the Beatles perspective of love Vs Christ's love, at one point someone interrupted to correct him on a Beatles fact. I think that should be one of those laws: 'No matter what you think you know about the Beatles, someone close to you will always know more'. Everyone was really friendly and afterwards I was speaking to a girl about how it would be interesting to see the difference in my perceptions of homelessness and the official stats and info in a book like the Homelessness Resource Book from Urban Seed, and the next thing I know she is giving me the money to go and buy it. An act of generosity to match her smile. Thanks! And another person just emailed me for permission to pass the blog on to people at her country church...hey it's a public blog, enjoy:)

Australia Day: I went to the United Prayer Meeting at Festival Hall on Friday (Australia Day). It was pretty good and I was impressed with Pastor Danny Nalliah whom I had not heard speak before (from Catch The Fire Ministrys who organized the event and had recently been in court for the Islamic vilification case). While I was there I saw an odd looking guy kneeling at the front during the prayer. He looked like Fabio but with curly hair. I had also seen him at the SPC lunchtime service earlier on in the week (I finally worked out the service is on in a little section up the front right of the Cathedral, not in the main section). As I trammed back into the city (city circle free tram) he saw me and jumped on to say hello and introduce himself. He told me he was from Queensland and did work there with homeless street people too! Once in the city I found it way too crowded and I didn't see any street people I knew around, so I went out of the city to visit some friends. I wonder if other street people also felt a bit intimidated by the crowds?

Dougy Update: I came by the Steps, Saturday night, and Dougy was sitting there and drinking with a different indigenous man I had not spoken with. I stopped to chat with Darren, a few meters away, and a couple of minutes later a crowd and some police gathered behind me. Turning around I saw Dougy slumped on the steps, not moving and the other fellow was shouting out, while lying face down and handcuffed, a short distance away. There was a lot of red stuff on the ground next to Dougy but I was fairly sure it was just spilt Port from a bottle nearby. Someone said the other guy had hit Dougy over the head with the bottle. There was a big bloody gash on his head and I wondered if he might be dead? I hadn't thought about that possibility before. It was certainly something that could happen; I might come along one day and find someone I had met wouldn't be 'around' anymore. I watched for a bit and couldn't see any chest movement but he finally twitched and a cop crouched down, with blue latex gloves on, and checked his pulse. Next came the ambulance and the medics got him up and onto a stretcher. He was dazed and calling out for for his mate Robbie, who wasn't there. We looked at each other as they slid him into the ambulance, and then drove away, lights flashing.

The crowd around were happy, having enjoyed a good spectacle, they had no concern or empathy for the events just past. The cops took some more photos and then sealed off the area with their police tape. Then along came the choir and, backs to the tape, we started to sing.

Death: One of our choir members was killed in a car accident just over a week ago. Many other people, this week, have have also talked about the recent death of a friend or relative. Not really a theme you think seriously about until you are directly impacted by it. For some street people it had been the marking point of the start of an addiction.

Street Core: Well as usual, when I am thinking about an issue, God seems to answer it in an amazing way. This week I had been thinking about my passive approach (ie not approaching people I haven't spoken to before, and letting them decide whether to talk to me or not) and had mentioned to a few people that: if the core regular street people I had often seen around hadn't decided to come and talk to me by now, then they probably wouldn't. And I was thus debating at to whether I should approach them or just work with those I had already made contact with. Well... all the five main street people I hadn't yet had contact with came and chatted with me in the last two days. How's that!

At the Church of Hope dinner, one Guy called Sam came and sat near me, then got up two minutes later and sat near me on the other side, then got up and moved around a few more times before deciding to ask me if I knew one of the other street people that had mentioned me to him. Then we had a good chat about how big and awesome space and the universe was, and whether God had created other creatures on other planets. He thinks so, the possibilities are endless, he said.

Also at CoH another homeless man, nick named the Bishop, because of his big white beard and glasses, came up and introduced himself. He said he felt God telling him to go to Church with me tomorrow, and asked where I going. When I told him that in the morning I would be heading to St.Martins, he was very excited as he said he had just been talking about John Smith to someone else, but never been to his Church. I arranged to meet him in Smith Street in the morning, but he never turned up. I hope he is ok.

One of the girls was playing with one of those little rubber bouncy balls at the steps (and running straight into the intersection after it, without looking, whenever it got away from her, which was often) and then it got lost. Well I had new bright yellow replacement bouncy ball in my bag that I had kept from out of the 'bon bons' Goaty and I had opened a few weeks ago. She was very pleased, and then I went with one of her friends and sat and talked with him at the Night Rider bus stop for an hour while we waited for it, at the city square.

Sunday night after church I was dropped at the steps by a friend, and later I sat down in the station around the corner near the ticket window. Poker Jack (a friend of a friend I had met a couple of months ago) walked by and I said hello. He said hi, and walked straight on, I'm not sure he recognized me. I became concerned that being around the corner that no one would be able to see me from the street and I was limiting my opportunity to meet people. As I sat there I saw a young Fiji'an homeless girl that was often about. She came and sat next to me and asked what I had done today. I told her about the two Church services I had been to, and then asked about her day. Not much had happened, she said, she had got out of lock up and was wanting to go up to Shepperton but had to wait around for her court case to come up in a couple of weeks. She told me she had been caught stealing stuff. I asked why she slept rough, and she said she had gone and looked at a couple of women's shelters but didn't like them. She didn't expand why. soon she lay down to sleep where we were sitting, under the ticket window, and I lay down for a nap as well.

A bit later young Indian man cam along and woke me up, said "are you cold?" and asked "Do you want to come and stay at my place?" It was an interesting question from the point of view I had thought about asking that to a homeless person myself last year, when I was just thinking about these issues. Now in the reverse position, I thought 'not a chance, I don't know who you are and I would be concerned for my safety...' I just told him "Sorry I don't know you, thanks for the nice offer." He seemed to understand but I also thought 'why did you wake me up? Don't bother me, if you see someone sleeping just leave them alone...' Then he went over to the girl, crouched down over her, arm against the wall, and shook her until she woke up. Then he said to her "You know me, we talked the other day, do you want to come to stay at my place?" Her response was a friendly "Can you please take your arm off the wall, it's invading my space." He didn't move it and kept asking her if she wanted somewhere to stay. She just kept asking him to move his arm, which he wouldn't, and she became more and more distresses about it, and rightly so. Then she shouted at him to go away and he finally moved his arm, got up and started screaming insults at her, before walking off. Yes, definitely someone you don't want to go with, proving you just can't trust someone no matter how nice they might first seem. Safety in numbers, in visibility, and in familiar surroundings.

Thursday to Sunday Stint - Part 3

2007-01-23T05:21:00.000+11:00

Since I am highlighting my spiritual leading thinking in this stint, let me briefly address the question of prophesy. Some people think the spiritual realm is real and others don't. Some might think it seems like I am out to fulfill some Christian superhero fantasy, and perhaps I changed my name to John Christopher so I could have the same initials as Jesus Christ (nope I didn't, the name John just came to me as a feeling which I acted on without a logical analysis). Do I think I am a prophet? No. There are people that seek that out, but my focus is just simply following the direction I feel God is leading me, wherever it may go, and as a result, sometimes I have prophetic type experiences. For me, if I try to make something happen spiritually then it doesn't tend to work. I like to just focus on God and then I am happy to be surprised when he has something a little 'different' happen. Although I do tend to listen out for leadings, but I generally only follow them when I really feel pushed to do so. I believe God knows what buttons to push to get me to do something, and he'll talk to me through the ways that I am listening. Everybody is different, and that is part of the journey, to discover the ways you can talk and interact with God.

Friday 6pm:
I met up with Eco on the Steps, and we headed off to have some dinner. We thought about going to the Hare Krishna restaurant (which I had avoided going to previously, on the basis of need, as it was an opposing religion, but I was not opposed to a visit on the basis of going to experience something of a different culture) but we would not have time to tonight as we only had an hour before needing to head off to MIF Church. We instead went to the Melbourne Bar Bistro opposite Myer, one of Lord Mayor John So's restaurants, where there was an all-you-can-eat buffet for only $8, excellent for stacking up an empty stomach with plenty of satisfaction. Eco is an non-stop encyclopedia of interesting information and discussion, and he can talk for hours, without ever repeating himself, so we had a good time.

Then we headed to MIF Church, which was very welcoming, and again it was very easy to lose yourself in the fantastic music. Darren was there and we caught up before Eco and I were last to leave, heading out the door at 11:30pm. We chatted with a couple of girls, also heading to the Steps, as they were very excited as one was going to be baptized the next day, down at Brighton Beach.

Saturday:
We hung around the steps until after midnight and then went over to catch the Night Rider bus down the peninsula towards Rosebud. I spoke to the driver about letting us off at Craigie Rd, near Mt. Martha, and he said it would be fine but we should remind him after we passed Mornington. We chatted with another passenger a bit, as we got under way, and then we both fell asleep on the back seat. Thankfully the driver didn't need a reminder and stopped the bus at the right spot and then came down and woke us up so we could get off. We thanked him and then walked down the road to the beach. We sat on the beach for a while just enjoying the quiet sound of the gentle waves lapping at the shore, and then lay down on the sand to get some sleep. At some point it started to drizzle a little rain, and we moved onto a boat shed porch, which had a small roof providing shelter from the wet, and we slept until morning.

As I got up I noticed Eco was shivering a bit as he only had shorts on, and while it was a relatively warm muggy night, the wind can still chill things down a bit. After he got up he asked if there was an Op Shop around, so he could get something a bit warmer, but I was sure there wasn't one, although I hadn't been here for a few years, so I wasn't sure. I suggested we head off for a walk along the local estuary boardwalk, as Eco is a nature lover and hadn't been to this one before. As we walked down a road we came across a Garage Sale, which had some very cheaply priced clothing. So Eco was able to get a good all-weather jacket, and some other items, and was all happy again.

After the walk through the estuary, and a stop at the shops to get some lunch supplies, we headed back to the estuary shelter-shed BBQ and fried up some buttered bread, and relaxed. My clothes were fairly soaked as it had been raining all morning and would do so for the rest of the day, but I didn't mind, as I wasn't cold.

We took another nap and then headed back to the beach. I said it was time for me to head back up the beach to the boat sheds, as that was why I had come, as I had felt it was the right time and place but I had no idea who might be there. In fact I really doubted anyone would be there due to the constant rain, and the beach was pretty empty of life. Eco said he wouldn't come but would meet me back at the shelter-shed later. It was about a twenty minute walk along the beach and as I got close I saw some children playing by the water's edge and then someone waved hello from a boat shed entrance. As I got closer I saw it was Charles, an old family friend I had only seen once in the last 10 years. We were happy to see each other and catch up. To my surprise he told me he was currently Chairing the board of Street Smart Australia. It is an organization that raises donations for other charities that deal with homeless people by asking for a $2 extra donation on your bill at certain restaurants. So not only was he interested in what I was doing, he was also able to talk and discuss the issues of street life from a very informed and experienced position, and I was just as keen to hear his thoughts and ideas! Thank God, for it was a very good meeting.

Afterwards I walked back to the shelter and met up with Eco. He said he had a feeling someone would be there and that's why he had stayed behind. We hung around for another couple of hours and then decided as it was getting a bit cold, to see if there was a local bus to Frankston so we could train back a bit earlier than waiting until after midnight for the returning Night Rider Bus. Also I was hoping to be back in time for the Saturday night Steps choir. The guy at the supermarket said the local bus had finished, but if we walked back along the board walk through to the other side we would come out at the Nepean Hwy and there might be a bus from Portsea coming by. We strolled back through the estuary and walked up the highway to the bus stop, but the time table said the last bus had been at 4:30pm and it was now 9:30pm. We sat down expecting to have to wait for 3 or 4 hours for the Night Rider to come along, and I said to Eco, let's pray, and we said a prayer that a bus would stop when it came by and for everything to work out for us travelling home. Then, less than five minutes later, along came bus and, to our surprise, it stopped. The driver said he was the last bus from Portsea that night, and his destination was the Frankston Station. When we got there the train was waiting and left as soon as we climbed on board. An hour later we reached Flinders St and the Choir was still going. Eco was dead tired on his feet and I helped him get on a tram and said goodbye, before going back to the Steps to sing praises to God, and then catch up with some friends.

Sunday:
I slept all day.

Thursday to Sunday Stint - Part 2

2007-01-22T13:47:00.000+11:00

The best value item in the city is the 40 cent soft serve cone at Hungry Jacks. Not only is it a refreshing treat, it is exactly the same as the McDonald's soft serve cone which is 50 cents. In case you missed it, that is a saving of 20%! Which is probably one of the reasons why street people prefer to hang out there after late at night. Another is the free drink refills. Now most street people are sneaky and find an empty HJ's cup outside and then come in and confidently refill it at the machine as though it was from a drink they had just bought. But sometimes they are slack and come in with a McDonald's cup and start refilling it. Then the HJ's staff get upset and tend to tell them off.

Friday:
I walked around the city until about 1am and then, as I was very dehydrated from the day's heat, I went to HJs to buy a drink, where I could sit and keep topping it up all night, as I sat and read my book. I sat down near a homeless guy I had seen around a lot but had never spoken to. A bit later he asked me what I was reading? I showed him it was the story of St. Francis. I was just at an interesting bit where St. Francis marked his top with a big letter T, which represented the Greek letter 'tau' and the Hebrew letter 'taw'. Historically it was the Jewish symbol that represented service to the poor, the fulfillment of the word of the prophets, and the symbol put on God's people's foreheads as mentioned in Ezekiel and Revelation. Early Christians had used the symbol of the T until it evolved into the small letter t as that way it included the imagery of the cross of Jesus. This was a major symbolic connection between Judaisim and Christianity that I had never heard of before, and immediately added impact to the feelings I had about wearing the t / cross on my top.

Shortly, in came Dougy, and he sat down and asked if I could refill my drink and give it to him. Then he started talking to another fellow who saw how drunk he was, with his blood red eyes, and got up to sing a rap, to which Dougy got up and did a dance too, that had the whole store in hysterics. A bit later a young thin kid (Jason, 13 years old) came in and joined us. He said he was Dougy's son, although I am sure it was more a term of endearment rather than a fact. We all watched some of the replay of Hewitt's tennis match, which Dougy was very excited about, and also said Hewitt was his brother. Then Dougy went outside to ask some people for some change, so he could buy a wine casket, and came back a few minutes later shocked that a stranger had given him $18. His pleasure at the score would be his topic of conversation for the rest of the day.

At 4am HJs closed up for a couple of hours and we all went and sat outside. Two of Dougy's other drinking buddies, Robbie (the flag-caped indigenous man) and Merrick (whom I had not met before) sat down and they all started to drink from the casket. Robbie was very upset as during the day he had put his flag/cape on the seat next to him and had woken up to find it stolen. Even worse, he said, was that he knew it was "one of his own people" and he would "kill 'em" if he found out who. Again, difficult to determine the resolve behind the words. I offered to go across the road and have a look around for the flag, in case it had been dumped somewhere close by, and Jason came along with me. Together we had a hunt around, to no avail, but it got me a chance to break the ice and talk with Jason.

An hour or so later the men were all slumped down and Jason and I were sitting against the wall nearby. Merrick asked Robbie for a cigarette, which started an argument that Robbie said to "go and find his own" and that "this was his area so piss off". Merrick said he was staying and Robbie was too drunk to do anything about it, but Dougy backed Robbie up and entered the argument. Then he got up and punched Merrick in the head! Merrick was too wasted to realise for a bit what had happened and then after the second punch he got up and stumbled across the path, too sloshed to defend himself. Now I had a non-interference policy with street violence, but it hadn't been tested until now. As Dougy went across and kicked Merrick in the head I wondered if I could just stand by and watch a guy get beaten up? As I was praying and considering what to do, Jason ran across and told Dougy to stop it and tried to hold him back. Well, that changed things and I didn't want Jason to get hurt so I went across and held Merrick back and shouted at Dougy to cool down and that I would take Merrick away. Dougy just stared dead straight at Merrick with angry fuming eyes, and lurched towards us as Jason struggled to hold him. Again I said, "We need peace," and Dougy said, "Well piss him off then!" and he stood still while I dragged Merrick in the other direction, down the street.

As I helped him stagger away, he asked me what the problem was and I just kept telling him the other guys were upset with him and didn't want him there for now. A couple of blocks later he said he needed to go to the toilet and I guided him to one and said I would wait and sit and chat with him when he came out. But he got upset and asked me to leave him alone a few times, and so I did and walked back to the others. They had settled down again, but were grumbling about Merrick, and Jason seemed ok. I sat down and was staring into the distance distracted with my thoughts when suddenly Jason called out to me as Merrick had come back! Everyone was on their feet again and I was able to grab Merrick and guide him away again before anything violent happened again. Jason said this time to take him at least four blocks away, so he wouldn't come back. After a couple of blocks Merrick pulled away from me and headed off to look for a cigarette, and I followed him for a while to make sure he wasn't heading back again, which he didn't.

As the business city morning started many people walked by as they headed into town and gave us some disapproving looks. I was mucking around with Jason, pretending to be scared as he stood out in the rain then came back to shake his head at me like a shaggy dog, spraying water at my face, which I blocked with my arm. When the rain stopped he crouched down in the gutter and scooped water up onto his head, to keep the game going. Then along came the police and Dougy and Robbie got up and went to the car window to talk to them. The police gave them both an ultimatum to head in different directions and be gone within 3 minutes, or else they would be locked up, and then drove on. Robbie got upset with Dougy, thinking that it was Dougy's fault the police had come by, and told him to leave, which he did. Jason went to go with him but first gave me his stuff (a top, diary and 2 Coke cans) to mind as he said he would be back in a few minutes... I waited two hours before wandering over to the steps where I found Dougy again, but he didn't know where Jason had gone. Dougy took off his top and started wandering around shouting at people heading to the tennis, which drew the cops back again. They nodded to me as I stepped away and let them do their job, and they talked to Dougy for a bit and strongly suggested he go and drink down on the riverbank, before he agreed to go away, and headed off in the opposite direction.

It had been a long night but I wasn't really tired and so I went for a walk around the city. I spotted a few people I knew sitting on the street begging for change, so I didn't disturb them and I went to the library to do a bit of internet. I did get a bit tired in the early afternoon and went for a nap on a bench in the Flinders St underpass arcade for a couple of hours. I got up at 4:30pm and headed back to HJs and found Jason sitting there. He was happy I still had his stuf and apologised for not coming back, but he didn't say why. We talked a bit more and then he took me upstairs to show me the quieter upper dining area where he was able to lie down on a padded seat and go to sleep.

As I thought about whether to go down the coast tomorrow, I had checked the forecast on the net and it had said rain all day, and so I thought it was unlikely that anyone would be down on the beach in the rain. As I thought about it I got a spiritual feeling that it was ok to go. I had prayed to God a couple of weeks ago, when I had no money, that a factor of when to go would be that I wouldn't go until I had the funding for the trip, and someone had given me some money earlier in the week. Also when I thought about visiting St. Kilda I felt like I was pressing against a wall, and took that as a spiritual road block and so I had not headed over there. Now as I thought about heading down the coast I had a feeling of stumbling through an open doorway and falling down through an empty space, like off a cliff. Like leaning against a wall and suddenly it is taken away, so I concluded God was saying it was ok to go tomorrow. And it was 10 minutes before 6pm, so I got up and headed to the steps to meet Eco there, as we had arranged the night before.

Thursday to Sunday Stint - Part 1

2007-01-22T05:47:00.000+11:00

As the week goes on without a wash, the smelliest part of my body is the feet. With all the walking they sweat a lot, and with the dirt that gets trapped in my sandals it creates this soft stinky mush underfoot. While it is generally easy to wash my feet, it is a lot more difficult to clean up my sandals where the dirt and the smell becomes quite trapped and ingrained in the cracks and material. This usually means my feet get stinky again as soon as I put the sandals back on. A few times I have been able to clean up the sandals by soaking them in White King bleach and Hospital Grade Pine'o Clean, then after a scrub and a wash, I leave them to dry overnight and they are fine again the next day.

This has given me a new appreciation for the woman who kissed and then washed Jesus' feet with her tears and her hair! Jesus, as anyone walking around the deserts and towns of that time, would also have had just as stinky feet and sandals. That meant she would have got the gag inducing smell on her lips and all through her hair, and would she would have had no respite from it until she could wash at a later time. I'm not sure I can think of anyone I would do that for as a dare, let alone as an unprompted voluntary act of love...

Thursday:
Outside the Town Hall I sat on a bench next to the Foot Patrol. This is a couple of people who walk around and give out free clean kits (new needle and syringes) to drug addicts as a service to help reduce the risk and spread of infection from the sharing of used equipment. The people that met them were not obvious users by appearance and, as with any addiction or illness, could be any person you pass on the street, or might even know. Although I had meet one street girl on the Steps who was the skinniest girl I had ever seen, which prompted me to look down her arms where I did see some evidence of injecting. Not to say that skinny means drug user, but I have met addicts over time and I have noticed a number of tell tale signs to look for. In some people I can sometimes see that something is physically wrong, from a spiritual perspective.

Over the past week I had been concerned that I had not seen Rick (the guy who gets drunk for two days and then sleeps rough for two weeks until his next payment) since our chat at the start of the year. So I was pleased as he came up and sat down next to me at the Steps, and asked if I would head up to the Vic Markets with him to get some food. Along the way he told me how yesterday he had been rolled (mugged) by a guy at Southbank for all his money. He said he had even voluntarily given the guy his good basketball top. He said his plan was that he hoped the mugger would wear the top and then Rick would be easily able to spot him at a later time, so he could go and kill him. There is a lot of threatening talk from street people when they have been wronged, and I am often not sure just how much follow through with action some people would back their words with. Although Rick is a pretty fit tough character, and so I was surprised he was mugged. I can only assume he was drunk at the time or else muggers are pretty confident in their actions, and my feelings of being safer in the city because I am a male just dropped a little.

On the way to the food van Rick stopped at a bottle shop to buy a beer. He came up 50 cents short and asked me if I had any change. This is an issue I have grappled with from the start, and my position on giving out change has fluxed quite a bit. Before the FW I had a no-give-cash policy but offered to buy stuff on people's behalf. As I started the FW I changed to a share everything I received as a no questions asked act of non-judgmental love. Right now I am somewhere in between. I think I should give some of the money away without judgment to those who ask, but I also am struggling with giving money to those who I know for sure are using it to directly support an addiction, which is most of those asking for change around the city, but not all. The problem this has now led to is what to say when I don't want to give change. A few times I have said, "I don't have any" which is a lie, and I am not comfortable with that! It is so much easier when I don't have any money and I can say truthfully that I don't have any. At this time I did have some and I decided to give it to Rick, even though I knew for sure it was for a beer. In this instance I saw it as helping out a mate with some money, in the same way I would lend a friend from work 50 cents if we were down at the pub and he was short. Even so, I am still not sure of the right approach to these situations.

Up at the food van I did get a chance to talk to Rick a bit about God as he was shocked to learn I don't like to drink alcohol very much, as it "disrupts my communication with God." The more time you spend focused on life's distractions is less time to think about God. He said the whole point of drinking was to 'disrupt your communication' which was what he needed to take a break from thinking about how bad life was. He said death would bring him peace and he had been so drunk a number of times (past 0.5%) that he had died for short moments before ending up in hospital. Though he said he was not an alcoholic as the difference is that an alcoholic can't help himself and must drink, and when he does he barely feels any effect (which is a good description of Dougy who can easily hold a conversation with you no matter how much he has drunk, and actually talks completely normal to the cops they approach, and seems sober until they are gone), where as with Rick, he chooses when to drink and, as it is only every couple of weeks, it still 'does it for him'. He asked me what 'does it' for me? I said, "a Margherita pizza with anchovies" :)

After the van left I talked with Eco Paul. I mentioned to him I was thinking of heading down the coast this Saturday, and he asked if he could come along. I said that it would be fine, but that I had just not made up my mind as to whether this Saturday was the right time or not. You see, sometimes I get a leading from God that I should go and meet and talk to someone, but not all the information comes in at once. The three parts to a meeting are a location, a person and a time. In this instance I had the location in mind, but not the time or person. Over the past few weeks the feeling/push to head there was getting stronger and stronger, but not enough to commit yet to the decision to go. Eco asked me for a decision so he could plan for it but I was unable to do so and instead I told him I would let him know tomorrow. So we agreed to meet at the steps at 6pm tomorrow (Friday) and I would let him know the answer and then we would also go and have dinner and visit MIF Church. It was sorted, for now, and we headed back to the Steps where I said goodbye as he caught a tram home then sat down to pray for clarity about the situation. It was midnight.

Tuesday N(L)ight

2007-01-16T23:39:00.000+11:00

Hey, I just met up with Dave* (the one whom I helped find his key at the Hub before Christmas) at a food van location. He had come there as he was lost, after moving into a new spot at the Flagstaff Crisis Accommodation Center, after going through a seven day detox program. He was asking around where it was and he recognized me, and so came over to talk. I said I would guide him back to the center, which I did, and stayed to chat for a while.

* (I changed his psudoname from Doug to Dave as I realized I had also used 'Dougy' for another person and didn't want the two confused.)

Weekend - 24hrs

2007-01-15T17:10:00.000+11:00

The other week there was a new night guard at St. Pauls. He was a lot friendlier and didn't mind me sitting and walking around the front area. In fact after I pointed out that one of the garden hoses was leaking and a lot of water was flowing down the street, we worked together to repair the leak by bending the hose backwards and tying it off with some string. The next afternoon I fell asleep on a pew inside the Cathedral and was woken up by the caretaker as it closed at 5:30pm. As I got up he said, "You're welcome back anytime.". Wow, that's some good improvement in the welcoming attitude at the SPC. It makes me feel good about the place again.

Saturday 11pm:
I had just visited some friends, had a pray, and was deciding whether to go to sleep or head back into the city. I decided to head back in, mainly because I like the Sat night activities on the steps from 10 to 12, and if I headed back in I might catch the last half hour.

As I crossed the street to the Steps, Dougy was standing out in front of the choir, saw me approaching and called out to me to come over, and shook my hand. We had a chat about how he had got sunburnt again. Then I saw a good friend standing on the Steps, whom I had not seen since I started the FW. Before I could go and say hello, the evangelist from Frankston (Darren), who had suggested I carry a Bible, from a few weeks ago, came up to say hello. He enthusiastically asked me if I had been baptized in the Holy Spirit, and I asked him to qualify how he would define that. Whoops; then came a ten minute talk and reading from the Bible as to what it was all about. While I didn't have a specific moment of spiritual Baptism to recount, he agreed I had been Baptized as I said I had experienced speaking in tongues.

Sunday 12am:
We, the choir and some others, all gathered around in a huddle and said a few prayers, then everyone headed off home. I went to talk to my friend Scott and learned he had decided to come in with the hope to find me, so I was really glad I also made the decision to come back in tonight. This seems to be happening a lot, meetings with people looking to find me, or meetings with new people that have an interesting connection or interest in the area I am dealing/living in. We walked around a bit and had a good catch up over a couple of hours. He said after this experience, I would never be the same again. I wonder just how much as a person I have or will change? As we went back to his car and said goodbye, I mentioned that I thought I would now head off and get some sleep myself...

2am:
Walking back past HJs I bumped into Cathy, and started talking. This time she told me reason of why she was living on the streets, and it was due to a Pokie Machine addiction. Although she was a little smarter about it than others, as after she got her pension, she paid any bills she had, bought any food or items she would need for the week, and then spent the rest down at the casino. I asked her how often she won money on the pokies and she said not very often, less than once a month, and agreeing that the odds were so very low she said she might try blackjack instead next time...

3am:
I had just seen some youths try to wind up Dougy by saying a guy in McDonalds had been badmouthing him. Dougy went inside. I stood directly opposite outside, leaning with my back to a tree, watching, ready to go in and talk to Dougy in case he took the lie seriously. The youths, also watching, noticed me and one came over and started hassling me for being a Christian, and was waving his hands in front of my face in a teasing manner. This was about the most hastled I had been but I just stood there and smiled. Then he stopped and shook my hand saying he really respected me for being a Christian and wearing a cross around the city! Dougy was fine, as he was too drunk to remember what the youths had said 30 seconds after he had walked in, and I had never seen him act in a violent manner, although I did hear Goaty say he had been kicked in the head by Dougy once.

As I was leaning against the tree a guy came out of McDonalds and said hello, and asked about my cross. I chatted with him and he was really interested and then told me how God had called him to study to be a youth pastor this year at the Harvest Bible College in Dandenong. Nathan then told me his sister went to a Planet Shakers Church in Victoria St, which was ironic as I had arranged to meet a friend at the service there that afternoon. Then his friends came over and they headed off to catch the Night Rider Bus service home, which is free, by the way, for all of January, if you're out late in the city this month.

4am:
I sat with Dougy in front of the Commonwealth ATMs. It was a busy night on Swanston St. I was told things were back to normal after a quiet post Christmas / New Year period, and the cops didn't seem to be around much, but Dougy always spotted them before I could, accompanied with a sour remark. Some guys came up to Dougy and had a good go at him about being an alcoholic. He responded in a friendly manner about how he couldn't help it, it's just the way he was, and I was glad to see he was approachable on the subject without getting upset, a fact I would keep in mind for a later time.

5am:
As we sat there along came a tall thin youth with his head constantly crooked at an angle, and he stopped to talk to Dougy. He said how he had taken 16 bickys (estacy tablets), ice, and some crack. I said I was surprised he had taken so many, thinking you would normally take only one or two, but he said he had taken 64 bickys once. As we talked he noticed an older guy just down the street talking to a young girl. He got up and went over to confront the guy about leaving the girl alone. Although the guy said they were friends the 'bicky kid' tried to pick a fight with the guy (to protect the girl, whom he didn't know), but the other fellow didn't want one and defended himself verbally for a couple of minutes before walking away. Then the drugged up guy kept strolling around yelling at people looking for a fight, but no one took him on. It was interesting as although he was completely drugged up and acting violent, he still needed justification in his mind, for a fight. So while he was completely high, there still seemed to be some level of reasoning going on with his thinking. Then he came over and started talking threateningly to me about not messing with his friends, and so I decided it was time to leave.

8am:
I went to sleep.

10am:
I got up to go to the morning service at my home Church, but was too tired and went back to sleep.

5pm:
I went to the Dallas Brooks Hall for the Planet Shakers Church service. I though there may be a couple of hundred people attending, but there was thousands. I stood in the entrance hoping to meet my friend Antony, from World Vision, but I was unable to see him. As I was standing there another man, Rex, came over to say hello. He had reserved some seats and asked me to join him and his friends. I still couldn't see Anthony and the music had started, so I agreed and went in.

After some more bouncy bouncy, and a good talk about handing over your 'stuff' to Jesus, the service ended and I got to chat further with Rex. Now this was interesting (remember these 'chance' meetings), Rex had a nephew that had lived on the streets and been involved in drugs and with a lot of support he had just helped his nephew get out of his situation and back on the road to recovery, just a week ago. It was good to hear a success story from the issues of despair I had seen about the streets. Rex was also interested in getting the support of the church and some financial backing to help other kids the way he had been able to help his nephew. But he didn't have much knowledge of the streets and so asked if I might be able to help, once he got things up and running. I said I had only been here a month but if I came by for another service at some point I would see how we were both progressing. Only a moment after we finished talking and he left, Anthony saw me and came up to talk.

8pm:
I caught up with some friends who were gathering for the soon arrival of the food van. A 10 year old kid came up and said 'Weren't you just at the Planet Shakers thing?'. 'I was' I replied and he said 'Cool!' just as his dad came and pulled him away. As I was talking on the Steps to Goaty, we were approached by two guys who introduced themselves as the original leaders of the KK Gang. I had heard of this gang from a few other street kids talking. There was a few suggestions as to the meaning of the 'KK' but these guys said it meant 'Kambo Klowns'. They were very friendly and were asking me to take good care of the street people that live around the steps. They asked if they gave me a backpack would I fill it with food from the van and then distribute it later to people on the Steps, as there were some that didn't like going to the van and still needed food. I said I wouldn't use a backpack but would do my best to look after the people, as that was a part of why I was already there. They were happy and said if I ever needed anything then let them know and they would hook me up with any drug I wanted. They even said they were willing to spend the time to teach me how to take the drugs properly, no one else would do that, but if I took care of their friends, then they would take care of me. I let them know I don't take drugs but would still look out for the people around the area. They said that was cool and then they headed of to catch a train.

9pm:
After the food van (where I got to chat with someone new) I sat and chatted further with Goaty. He was a bit repetitive and so I wanted to head off elsewhere, but it conflicted with the feeling that listening as a friend, even if it was repetitive, was a part of why I was there. So I kept thinking it was a good exercise in patience. Later we went for a walk, and I stopped to make a call on a public phone to a cousin on her birthday. There was no answer which Goaty said was good and told me to hurry along down the street. As we moved away from the area he told me just next to the phone was a well known gang of youths a few meters away, who hate Christians. He said if we had been there any longer then they would have attacked me because of the cross on my top, and beat me unconscious. He said he would have been attacked for just being with me, and as there were too many he would not have been able to do anything about it. He said not to go back near there for the rest of the night. Shortly later we found a six pack of VB stubbies broken on the ground, but two were still intact, so Goaty saw it as good Karma and picked them up and then looked for a spot to drink. I said it was time for me to head off, and separated and I re-assured him I was not heading back to the bad area.

11pm:
I was walking east, up Little Flinders St, when I walked past a shop entrance area, and saw two people having sex, right there, in a very publicly visible place, only half a metre to my right. That was a surprise, I hadn't seen that sort of 'activity' on the street before. The guy looked at me as I passed. It was the 'bicky kid'.

Friday 12th Jan 07

2007-01-12T13:01:00.000+11:00

This week: I have had a lot of good chats with people about God. I was even listening to Marilyn Manson music on the Steps and then discussing the lyrics with one guy, while he was waiting for his girlfriend to arrive. I met a new guy up at the Vic Markets food van, who was a small ex-body builder with boofy hair and a mustache, who looked like he came right out of Funky Squad, he was the 70s. He was interesting as he talked a lot about his adventures, fights and trouble with the prostitution scene. He talked casually like it was a normal part of everyday life, which it probably was for him. Also I had my first (small) random violence as one very drunk guy came up and shoved me backwards saying, "Where's my wallet? Did you steal it?" and I responded, "Mate, I'm a Christian. I don't steal things. Would you like me to help you look for it?" and he replied, "I believe you", and then staggered on.

I had a couple of long nights sitting with Dougy, until daylight. He is a real tough person to work out how to help, if it's possible, requiring endless amounts of patience. A big issue I discovered is the amount of people that know him and are constantly stopping by to shake his hand, and to encourage him to keep drinking and keep fighting the cops. Often some people will sit down and drink with him for an hour or two before heading on. This week the cops tried a new tactic of keeping him and his main drinking buddy, Robby (an indigenous man, always drunk or stoned and who wears an indigenous flag tied around his neck as a cape), separated by locking them up at alternate times, and then dropping them at the edge of town so they have to walk for a while to get back to the Steps.

Thanks to God: this week as I passed one month of Faith Walking on the streets of Melbourne. So specifically I want to thank him for: safety, guidance, learning experiences, the interest and support of friends, family and others, opportunities to talk to people and represent him here, and the faith to continue on.

Monday 8th Jan 07

2007-01-10T17:16:00.000+11:00

Dumpers are used cigarettes that usually have a little bit left on the end, before the filter. If you pick them up and smoke them you run the risk of health issues, but if you are an addicted smoker you may do anything for a drag. One person suggests cutting off half the filter, but then the cigarette will not last long. The best thing to do is get a packet of the little papers to roll your own cigarettes, and then you can gather a few 'dumpers', and tip out the tobacco from their ends, enough to make your own new 'rollie' cigarette. I am glad I am not a smoker; although I don't mind the occasional cigar, and I'm unlikely to find those on the street.

Monday:
Right, first let me withdraw my 'walk everywhere' comment!. My legs were killing me from over 5hrs walking places yesterday. After church, and later chatting at the pub, I had ended up only 15mins walk from my friends flat (that I 'm looking after) and it was late, so I decided to spend the night there.

This morning I got up and found it was not only my legs that were stuffed, so was my motivation. I felt different, disconnected, like the Earth was still turning but I was standing still. I thought about going back into the city, but I couldn't feel bothered. I thought about the people I had met and the relationships I had made, and I felt no loyalty to them. In fact I thought about getting a job again and forgetting about the city, and I didn't feel any reason to go back. Yesterday Angela had said she had noticed how much I had changed from looking grim, from my first week on the streets, to being happy and bright as I walked by then, and I wondered about how quickly things had changed again. I sat down and vegged out for a while.

The key thing was 'I felt...' and that's not the way I like to operate. There are three levels of governence in my mind as to how I like to make decisions. At the bottom is Emotion. It can be fun to do things that make you happy, but it's not always in your best interest, and so at times I need to overrule my emotions with Logic. Logic, or common sense, is how most people operate, and when it makes us happy, then great. But sometimes I need to overrule my emotion and logic by making a Spiritual decision. This is the top box I want ticked in my decision-making process. It is also the hardest to decide on sometimes. When it goes against logic and emotion it usually means a big risk, but it's great when all three are in alignment. In this case I felt like giving up, and logically it didn't seem to matter either way. I had experienced a lot and could change directions, but there were also still things I wanted to check out. Spiritually, though, it didn't feel right to abandon the relationships I had developed, and so I decided to ignore my feelings and continue on. I headed back into the city.

Last week at the food van a couple of older mature gents, Bradly (a happy chatty businessman type) and Tony (a wise cracking blind man with a hat and cane), had invited me to join them for dinner at the Sister's of Mercy (Mother Theresa's Missionaries of Charity organization) house. It provided dinner and accommodation for the homeless and was re-opening after some time shut for a break. In fact most charities had been closed for a break after Christmas, and food and services had been very scarce, leading to shortages, but just enough had remained open for people to survive. I was surprised to learn the Sisters offered free accommodation for up to two weeks for those in need. I didn't think free accommodation was offered anywhere, and Bradly was wanting to talk to the Sisters about arranging for me to stay there a while, but I declined and talked him out of it. I had alternatives to the street if I wanted them, for now.

I was greeted by a Sister at the door, and was welcomed as she asked me my name. Lining up I was soon passed a plate of chicken, ham, vegetables and salad, then also a bowl of fruit salad and ice cream, before I sat down with Bradly and Tony. There were about 50 people there, and I was impressed with the food. At the other charities the diet was very unbalanced and I always wondered where you could get vegetables; well this was one place that covered every base, the advantage of the food being cooked on the premises. There was a fair bit of Catholic decorations and messages on the walls, but that was fair enough as we might as well have been eating in a Convent. Soon I was in a discussion about Orthodox Christianity of the Ethiopians when a knowledgeable Russian gentleman joined in. I am always amazed at what interesting and varied things people in this community know, and are able to discuss in greater detail than what I have experienced before.

After dinner I spent some time wandering around reading the messages and information on the walls. A Sister came up and asked me, by name, if I needed help with anything. I replied that I was fine and just reading some of their material. As I later left she waved goodbye through the screen door and said, "You're welcome back anytime, John." Just outside another street man, Angus, noted the '24hr Church' motto on the back of my top and told me how there was a group of people in Launceston that were starting a permanent 24hr prayer vigil in a lighthouse tower on the coast. It was good to know other people shared similar visions.

As I walked back to towards the city I thought about how I had felt disconnected from things all day. Then I thought about the kindness of the Sisters and suddenly I was overcome with emotion and started to tear up, and shortly had to sit down. It was the simplicity of the Sisters that hit me. They were the living representation of Kindness, Generosity and Love, and nothing else. In my lead up to this walk, I had tried to empty out the things of my life and of the world that were not of God but I hadn't achieved it completely. I still am interested in certain TV shows, movies, foods, comforts and have negative attitudes to some things that I am trying to overcome. But here were these ladies that seemed to have none of that, just a simple love for me, for us. A love that seemed like a small selfless offering in an outstretched hand, but was also greater than the tallest mountain. A mountain of love that I now felt the weight of pressing against my very soul. I continued to sit, and breathe, for a while.

Back down Flinders St, near Elizabeth St, feeling re-motivated, I came across Goaty. I had not seen him since Christmas Day. He waved as I approached and I saw his face was scarred and swollen and there were big chunks missing from his lips. He told me he had been bashed up by three drunk guys in North Balwyn yesterday. They had mistaken him for someone else. I sat and listened and he kept saying, "You've got to go through Hell to get to Heaven, and this is Hell." We talked a bit about God and then he started crying. He said that there had been no-one to talk to today and that being able to talk to me about the situation had made him feel better. We had a hug and again I started to tear up a bit myself. He said he hoped we would see each other in Heaven and he would keep trying to be a good person, even though it was so hard. We sat and talked as he gathered a few dumpers to make a rollie. I thought about how I had just been moved by the gift of Christian love and care shown by another, and now someone else had just received and been moved by that same gift from me. After the way I started the day, I was convinced God was acting and revealing something of himself.

Later, Goaty said he wanted to show me his Bible, and took out a book called 'The Sword of the Lord', a 1909 publication by Joseph Hocking, and he asked me to read from it. Opening it up I saw that it was written in old English, like a King James version of the Bible. I began to read and discovered the story discussed many big theological issues such as the nature of conversion and grace. I translated the text into modern English as I read it out loud. As I read a paragraph, Goaty amazingly was able to gather the nature of the point in discussion and then would say something like, "Oh yes that's the bit where..." and directly correlate the discussion to the relevant bit of the 'real' Bible where the same topic was discussed. And he had a good understanding of the issues. I didn't have the heart to tell him the book was not a Bible, and so I kept reading and we kept discussing Christian theology as we went along. We ended up sitting and talking all evening. Goaty repeated himself a fair bit, but I didn't mind as my only goal was to sit patiently and be his friend, and it was good to talk about Christianity, even if it was a bit repetitive.

Tuesday 12:05am
Just after midnight Goaty wanted me to join him hunting through bins. I had seen others looking in bins over the last few weeks, and thought, "That's one thing I won't be doing..." and yet off we went. Now my eye sight isn't the best in the dark, on account of my not bringing my glasses on the FW, and so I was content for Goaty to peer into them and pick up a few dumpers from the edge. I wondered just what people hoped to find in the bins? There was no need to anyone to be desperate enough to eat thrown out food scraps, as they might be in other countries without the support services we had here, so I was interested to see what Goaty was excited about when he pulled out a garbage bag from one bin. He open the bag up and inside pulled out three bottles of pineapple juice. He gave me two and kept one for himself. I checked the seal and it was unbroken, and I checked the use-by date and saw that it had expired a week ago. Ok. So it seems there are some shops that throw out expired packaged food and drink. I can see the value of that for a street person, but although with a wash there would be no health issue drinking the juice, I was unable to overcome the psychological rejection of the juice because of where it had come from, and so I threw them into another bin later in the night when Goaty was not looking.

Down another alley we hit the big dumpster bins. Most of these were padlocked, probably to stop people like us pilfering through them, and tossing stuff on the ground. In one open bin we found a packet of unused bon-bons. There was another dumpster I found where the padlock had not been closed, jackpot. First up I got a good tennis ball, and then we found the rest of the bin was filled with new luggage that had tags on them saying 'faulty'. And just to make sure no-one could use them, all the bags had been slashed with gaping holes in them. I guess that was so no-one could take a bag from the tip and claim/scam it was faulty and exchange it for a brand new one at the shop later. Anyway we found one good bag that was not slashed and had wheels and and extension handle. Goaty was pleased he had been carrying round two heavy bags on his shoulder and now transferred his stuff to the wheel bag, and was able to pull it along, which he said made a big difference to him. Then we went and sat down in the street and pulled the bon-bons, and to his perplexion I won all six tugs and got a nice little assortment of things, a pen and a rubber ball, while I read out the included jokes, like, 'Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one...'

On our way back to the Steps, we met another man who asked us for some change. I didn't have any and Goaty said he wouldn't have given him any even if he had some, as he knew the guy was a heroin addict, but he was very friendly to him anyway. When we got to FSS I saw the time was 2am and Kathy was standing there. She had missed the last train out of the city (a lot of people seem to do that) so we stopped to talk. She was too afraid to go into the city and so we all went into the station and headed down the back where it was bright and empty, except for two other guys sleeping against the wall nearby. We all sat down and chatted as I got out the tennis ball and we proceeded to bounce it around between each other in a big triangle. At one time it bounced into Goaty's broken face, which he was quite unhappy about, and so I made sure I bounced it away on an angle after that.

Around 4am Kathy fell asleep, so I lay down to sleep as well, but kept one eye open. Thinking we were both asleep Goaty got up and moved over to the other two sleeping men and peered down at them, then he crouched down and shook them saying, "Are you guys alright?" to which they didn't respond so he walked away out of the station. It was a little strange and I felt I didn't quite trust him, so I stayed awake a while longer. Kathy stopped snoring and got up and said, "Is he gone? I wasn't asleep, he is a bit two faced you know..." and then she left the area as well. I think there might be a little bit different side to some of these people when they are not under the watchful eye of others. It's probably a true statement for all of us. Ten minutes later I got up and headed off to my arcade spot. I saw Kathy walking back the other way towards the station again, but she didn't acknowledge me when I smiled at her and so I kept walking. I wondered if she might have just gone to the toilet and was heading back to the light safer area, and whether I should have gone back with her for the 'safety in numbers thing' for her. But she hadn't said anything and I guess that sort of situation is what she and others must have to deal with all the time, so I let her be, and went and had a nap, in my safe spot.

Sunday 7th Jan 07

2007-01-09T16:28:00.000+11:00

I first heard of Faith Walking when I was about 8 years old. I was in the back of my Grandma's car and heard some people in the front (not sure who) talking about how Grandma had put up a married couple at her house for a couple of weeks. They talked about how the couple said 'they traveled places with little or no money, and knocked on house doors asking for somewhere to stay, trusting in God to provide for their needs.' They called themselves 'Faith Walkers'. The idea always intrigued me. I recently asked my Dad and Uncle if they remembered anything about it, but they didn't.

(Update: My mum remembers further details: It was a young couple with a baby, from a church, that had nowhere to stay as they were 'living by faith', and they only stayed a couple of days. In their discussions on Christianity, my Grandma questioned the man's responsibility of living this way with a wife and baby, and he questioned my Grandma's wealth and body weight [re: consuming too much]. Angry at his comments she asked them to leave.)

Sunday:
I had spent the night at a friend's house, and slept in. The temptations of a quiet dark room and soft carpet! My plan was to head to the Rosie's lunch at Catani Gardens, in St.Kilda. I was about 2hrs walk out of the city (I had used up my travel pass and money) but felt like a brisk walk to wake up to the day, and so headed off. I was pushing for time to get to the lunch and so I again toyed with my number one temptation; to free ride in on a tram.

A few days ago I had walked for an hour and a half into the city and was tempted then, but as I was not pressed for time it was pretty easy to ignore. When I got halfway up Brunswick St I bumped into a street friend and we had a good chat. He asked me for a drink and as I had $2 at the time, I bought us a can each. After he left, I was really pleased that I had not jumped on a tram, as by walking I had been able to have this good unexpected meeting.

So back to Sunday, I was able to overcome the temptation (and the time pressure was really strong), and do the right thing, partly thanks to the blessing from doing the right thing previously. Then as I was walking up Smith St I was greeted 'Hi John!' It was Angela from the Steps Ministry I had met on my first Thursday night of the journey. She and some other girls from St.Martins were having a chit chat and asked me to join them. I sat down and she explained what I was doing to the other girls. I'm a bit surprised I am still quite hesitant in explaining what I am doing to others, I should be used to it by now. As we all talked we discovered 'small world' connections as we had mutual friends, and attended same churches, and one of the girls had even been a part of 'Wipeout' (a church youth group some friends and I had started a long time ago, which is apparently still going!) So it was a good meeting and I now recommend everybody should walk everywhere and let God bless you with health and friendship.

Later, through the city, and down St.Kilda Rd, I stopped to ask a Mr.Whippy van man the location of Catani Gardens (if those guys don't know where a park is then no one would). He told me it was next to St.Kilda pier and I realized it was a lot further than I though and by the time I got there the lunch would be long over, so I headed back to the steps. I stopped in the Art Gallery briefly to look at the display of how sneakers changed over the last 20 years. They all looked pretty much the same to me. (That is a subtle comment indicating how I am currently seeing things more as functional than fashionable.)

I caught up with Dougy, who was in great agony from the sunburn he got from sitting around drinking the last few days without a top on. "I'm going to have to kill my self" he kept saying (as a way to stop the pain). After chatting to him a bit I told him to stay seated on the steps while I went to McDonalds and got a cup of iced water and some towelettes. I came back and soaked the towelettes with the water and dabbed his back with them. After a while he gave no response that it was helpful, or not, so I pulled out an ice block and ran it slowly over his lobster red back. This time I noticed he was holding his forearm in one hand while the other kept scrunching into a fist. I realized he was just taking the pain of the ice block, which he told me later was worse than the sunburn. So I went back to the soaked paper towels for a while as the cops came by to chat with him about his sunburn, before they asked him to come along with them to chat about it some place else. So I am not sure whether the effect of my treatment was positive, although I had tried. Later I wondered whether or not I should have asked him if he wanted to pray about the pain, perhaps next time.

Sat 6th Jan 07

2007-01-06T10:45:00.000+11:00

I brush my teeth about twice a week. In rural Africa they get soft little sticks and cut the ends at an angle to use as a scraping cleaning tool. So far I have not needed to resort to that. Generally the sleeve of my top does a pretty good job. But if you're out and about in town, perhaps looking to meet that special someone, and caught wondering about your teeth... you may want to head over to the public toilets at either the St.Francis Church (during the day) or the St.Vincents Hospital emergency room toilets (during the night). These toilets both use Ultra Violet lighting, which has the fantastic effect in highlighting all the blotches and bits in your teeth, until you get them spic and clean. (I use the term toilets, and not bathroom, as I was once at an emergency hostel and asked where the 'bathroom' was and the lady said 'What's that? Oh, you mean the toilets...')

This week:
I mostly caught up with old friends, and built on the new ones I was developing. Thanks to those friends I caught up with for your interest and chats, and also those that sent me an encouraging email.

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about the young guy at the Vic Market Food Van that asked me the time, and I felt that small acknowledgment was a 'connection'. Well, last Sunday I came out of the Library and he followed me out and approached for a quick chat about News Years Eve plans. The next day I was sitting on the Steps and he came and sat down and chatted further. Rick told me has been on the streets for about six years. He sleeps rough as each fortnight he gets his $400 benefit and then spends it all on alcohol, and has a good time, which lasts him about two days. He then walks around, carries nothing, just has his clothing, and waits for the next payment to do it again. I said 'That's a lot of money to blow in two days on alcohol'. He explained as he has been doing it for years, he no longer drinks beer or wine, but just has a hankering for the top quality spirits. He wished me a happy new year and walked on. Later at the food van, he gave me a tip that you can heat up the food on the free BBQs, over in the park. We haven't talked about God yet, but we're on chatty terms now, so that's good.

I also had my first chat with Dougy. He was the drunk that, earlier during Christmas, had a bet about how long before he would be locked up again. Dougy is the cops (or 'jacks' as they're known on the street) number one drunken trouble maker. He claims he was locked up 17 times in three days over Christmas. He said the 'jacks' can hold you up to 4 hours before having to charge or release you, so they have a constant cycle of releasing him, following him around, locking him up for a few hours, and releasing him again, and so on. I have often seen the jacks, in a group, follow him around and just chat for a bit and move on. Dougy and his mates claim the seats outside SPC opposite the Hungry Jacks store (a hangout place for street people) is 'theirs' and nobody is going to claim otherwise. Of course with the jacks, it is only their way or the highway, and they never really compromise. Although once I was sleeping on the bench there, next to some wineos, and woke up to find ourselves surrounded by 13 jacks. They moved the winoes on but saw I was not a part of them and not drunk, so didn't hassle me further, which was a suprise as they nearly always ask for your ID and write down your details. So I thought that this might be the time when I talk about why I have no ID and what I am doing, but no, not this time, maybe later, or never. Anyway, Dougy stopped me as I walked by, and chatted for the first time (although I had sat next to him on a number of occasions) about how the jacks had followed him and his mate into Hungry Jacks (HJs) and his mate had said 'Why are you following us all the time?' and upset had thrown his drink all over one of the jacks, thus getting himself promptly taken away. People steer pretty clear of Dougy, but I hope to chat further with him.

Now on a spiritual note, a word of advice. If you visit the Shrine of Rememberance and notice, as I did, the message engraved on the path leading up to the steps, but before the flame, that says 'Let all men know, this is Holy Ground', do not take off your sandals! Seeing the message, and thinking of the story of Moses, where God says to be bare footed on Holy ground, I took off my sandals and walked around. Soon I had a security guard come up to me and tell me to put my footware back on, for 'safety reasons'. I pointed out the message said it was Holy Ground and that should mean bare feet. She agreed the message was there, but said I had to comply and also to take off my hood, so the cameras could see my face...

Last night (Friday) I was standing next to a guy who asked me about my top and then invited me to come along to the Planet Shakers Conference. His name was also Jake and he was the cool enthusiastic youth pastor for an AOG Church and was heading in to the conference with about 30 kids, all soccer chant singing 'He Sa,'a'a,'a'a,'a,'aves, Jesus'ss, Jesus'ss...' as the tram went along. The conference had been running all week at the BrandName Areana (Tennis Center) and it was the final night, which was free, lucky for me! John warned me it was like a Church souped up on steriods, but when I found myself in the middle of tens of thousands of teenagers all jumping up and down to booming music and a massive video screen, singing and yelling, I would more describe it as a Hyper Hyper Go Go Trippy Spinout Conference of Super Godly Fullon-ness. While I didn't quite get into being bouncy, I did enjoy it. My only concern was one speaker who said Satan was siting in the chair he had on the stage, and had everyone shouting out, repeating after him, just how angry Satan made him, and had everyone yelling to give us back all the good things he (Satan) had taken away... I abstained from that one. I am not sure encouraging kids to talk to Satan, even in righteous anger, is a good idea... better just to focus on God, I was thinking. Anyway I was really impressed by the high quality of the production and how hyped up the kids were for Jesus, so that was also good.

On the way back to the city, a crowd of people was waiting at the tram stop. As it approached I could see there were only three other youths on it, who seeing the big crowd, all ran down the back of the tram to avoid the crush. As the tram took off the 'Jesus Saves' chant song started up again, and the youths started yelling out that they were there first, and what was with this stupid Jesus tram, and other negative comments. I moved down the back to where they were and 'suprise' one of the youths was the 'sex tape' kid I had talked to one week earlier. He saw me and said "Hey, it's the Christian guy from the City, he's ok." And they all stopped making their negative comments. Another of the street youths said to me "There's nothing in the Bible against smoking pot, is there.." and I said that 'the Bible says your body is a temple' and he said 'I look after my body' in reference to his physique, I nodded. They sat quietly and when we all got off he shouted out "Don't forget, your body is a temple!", I think he was sincere :)

Later, I met a new street person, a girl who constantly asked people for a cigarette, smoked it, then asked someone else for another. She was chain smoking by request. There seems to be an understanding of sharing cigarettes between all smokers, that she was taking advantage of. I noticed that her feet were black, although she was white, from dust and dirt. I asked her if she had any concern, like with broken glass, while walking around the city in bare feet. But she didn't, and looked at me almost as if it was an odd question.

I left her sitting there at 3am and went off to sleep on the lawn out the front of the AxA building, as Eco Paul had suggested some time ago. It was pretty dry and dusty but I lay there looking up at the ordered structured form of the building, and thought about their business of financial planning, the nature of man in progression from sleeping dirty and rough, to suits, offices, apartments and mansions. Both ends of the pendulum now here, resting together, back to back. Was it a good spiritual experience, as Eco had suggested? Well I woke up in the morning light and knew I had just had a dream of something significant, but I couldn't quite remember it. So I might have to go back and try again sometime.

I walked back by the Steps and noticed the black footed girl still sitting there.

Drawing On Charity and For How Long ?

2007-01-02T23:38:00.000+11:00

In response to the interesting and important issue of 'Drawing On Charity and For How Long?' that has been raised, I have written the following: (Keep in mind I do not draw on the Government Centerlink benefits and my thinking is still developing; so I am interested in other points of view as well.)

As the elderly lady I recently met said: "you need to please God first."

Jesus said 'I did not come to do my will, but the will of my father'. When we say 'what I want is...' we are creating expectations, rules and restrictions on how God can relate to us and direct our lives. For example if I say 'I only want to:- work in Australia' then I am telling God that I am not interested in his will if it involves working outside Australia. In effect we can be closing our eyes and ears as to the possibilities God may have planned for us. (This doesn't mean we can't make decisions about our own futures. We can, and move forward in faith that God is with us, but we also need to be open minded to God wanting to talk to us about other possibilities.)

Part of this Faith Walk is to 'seek God first' and spend time being open and listening to what he might want to say about what he wants me to do with my future. I never said the Faith Walk would go on forever, but as God leads. I believe he will make it clear when and how things are to change, and for this Faith Walk I didn't feel it was right to put a time limit on that. In Israel there are Orthodox Jews that decide to do nothing else but seek out God (ie: do a Faith Walk) and are sponsored to do so by the State, no matter how long they continue to 'seek', even if it lasts a lifetime. A vocation of seeking God is seen as a central and valuable part of many cultures.

So is it a problem that I am drawing on charities for some food? If I take a traditional missionary template and put my bank account number on this blog and ask people to donate, so that I had support of about $70 a week to cover food costs, would that solve the issue? Or would it still be seen as drawing on the charity of others? The charities I have drawn on are Christian based, and so I see it as a part of the provision of God. Christian charities are under God's authority, doing work for God's glory. Are we all not part of the one body? What if the hand said 'I am my own entity, why should I put food in the mouth?' Also King David took the bread from the priests to feed himself and his men, and the early Church pooled resources and 'each took as he needed.'

So then I ask: am I doing God's will (his work) that as an acting part of the body of Christ, I am justified in having my needs met by the body? If you read my posts and think I am just sitting on my bum in the city being lazy, then certainly I am not justified in accepting the support of others. But if, as I do, you see Godly value in my Faith Walk, (be it by reflecting Christ in the relationships I am developing, or personal learning about God, poverty and justice issues in Melbourne, or by raising these Biblical issues with others, or just being a light in the darkness, or some other aspect) then I am justified.

Lets look at the Collins St Baptist Church's 'Urban Seed' model. Among other things, they have 'live in' residents that run a cafe (Credo) and sit and eat with street people that visit. Is it wrong that these residents are drawing on the charity funding for their accommodation and the food they eat there? What if they ran the cafe and didn't eat with the visitors? They think that sharing in the 'banquet' and developing the relationships is more important than abstaining from the food because it was not paid for out of their own independent financial resources.

In my case I am eating food with many people that are not connected to any other charity or Christian relationship. If I end my Faith Walk and go and join an 'established charity' tomorrow, who will represent God in their lives? For God to reach them, he must find people who are willing to go and meet them. Does not God in his 'banquet' story invite the rich and also the poor, blind crippled and lame. He sends his servants out to the streets and alleys to find them. In our culture there is quite a separation between the rich and poor. Do you think that at that banquet the rich and poor would sit at separate tables? No, Jesus says everyone should go and sit at the lowliest position, and then you can be pleased if God calls you to come sit at a more important position. This is because God sees the wealth and value of people in a different way to how we may value ourselves. In reflecting that in our lives today, as we are provided for by God, where do we place ourselves, who are we sitting next to? Perhaps God does not see me sitting down the back of a rubbish tip alley eating with a homeless person as of little value, as other people might.

Take for example, how I found the bike light module blinking in the dark out on Swanston St. It seems like a bad and dangerous position for a light module, but it was noticed and picked up. I feel a bit like that module, out in a socially bad, dangerous position, but as light for Jesus blinking in the cultural darkness. If someone notices my light and 'picks it up' then isn't that worthwhile and may even be just what God planned?

Finally, I also see my journey like a seed that has been planted (me in Melbourne), to grow a tree (reaching out to others about God), and you can't rush growing a tree. And if it is a tree that bears the fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control; isn't it worth watering, feeding and encouraging?

How then the tree is watered, fed and encouraged is up to the Gardener, and perhaps after some growth it may be re-planted in another area, but that is up to the Gardener too.

I hope I am growing in a way that pleases him.

New Years Eve

2006-12-31T13:37:00.000+11:00

For a belt, I cut the electrical cord off a clothing iron. The ends started to fray, so I re-cut them, burnt/fused them and dipped them in hot candle wax, which was rock hard after it cooled. I tie the ends together around my waste with a bowline knot.

Some things from the last 5 days:

- I preached on a microphone at Flinders St Station.

- A minister told me the motto for their buildings was 'People are more important than things.'

- Spent the night, house sitting a friends flat, watching Foxtel. So easy to be distracted from the 'real' world, I haven't slept there again, yet...

- Inspired another street person to start his own blog.

- Watched Borat, with friends.

- Handed out some gospel tracts, and people didn't throw them away?!

- Was put up in a backpackers hotel for a night by some concerned Christians, and had to convince them not to put me up for the whole week.

- Actually found a nice quiet spot to type in the State Library.

- An elderly lady stopped me in the street to ask why I had a cross on my top. When I told her what I was doing, she started crying, which made me cry. She said my parents must have raised me well. I agreed but when I mentioned that they couldn't understand why I am relying on the charity of others when I could support myself with a job, she responded they have it upside down, and you need to please God first.

- Made a baby smile.

- Had lunch with a mate who cooked the best meal I have tasted this year.

- Read some of my Biography of St.Francis book.

- Found a working bike rear lights module, blinking in the middle of the street.

- Spent the night sitting in Baptist Place alley, thinking about issues of drug use. I dozed off and when I woke up I found an empty syringe packet, so someone must have been there while I slept...

Boxing Day

2006-12-26T13:37:00.000+11:00

I heard someone walking by mention that "call centers are the new factorys..." A very insightful comment.

Tuesday:
Breakfast, watching the cricket, then afternoon tea in the city to celebrate my grandma's 92 birthday. Her goal is to live to watch the Olympics in Beijing, in two years time. I wonder if I make it to 92, what the Olympics would be like then? If I make it to 92 what would I be like then? I wonder if there are any 92 year olds in Africa? The irony of me snacking at a plush hotel cafe was not lost, but I was able to take some cake and muffin leftovers away with me (for others), in a container. Some farewells and then I was back on the streets, armed with delicious chocolate cake.

Later, I headed over to the corner of Gertrude and Brunswick Sts where a different food service called Food Not Bombs organized meals on the corner, and had a very good reputation. While I waited I watched a woman do Tai Chi in the park, then toss bread crumbs to about 2,000 hungry birds that surrounded her, each scrambling for a crumb, with some birds being the 'boss birds' dominating the others. There is some small correlation between this and the people at the food vans, but of course we are more calm and orderly. I wonder what dramatic change in circumstances to our city here might cause us to become like the birds? I have seen people behave in like this in images of food distribution relief in Somalia and other places. Just how far away culturally, and as individuals, are we from that kind of desperation? I gave another man, who was waiting, a piece of cake, and he commented on just how good it was. He asked if I was going to have a slice as well, but I said I was ok, it was for sharing. He said "Sharing is good, and the right thing to do, but you need to take care of yourself first, so save a slice for yourself later." But that didn't seem right to me. Why would I hold on to something if it can benefit someone now? I don't mind giving things away, as God always provides for my needs.

Another man came by and told us the Food Not Bombs people were on break until February. It was ok as we only had to walk one block down the hill to where others were waiting for the St.Vincents food van to arrive, outside the All Saints Church. As I leaned against the fence a young Asian man walked by and slowed down to look at the cake and muffins in the top of my bag. I offered him some and he eagerly took it. I asked him where he had gone for Christmas lunch? He said he hadn't eaten anything yesterday. I was surprised to learn he hadn't known about any of the free lunches for the homeless on Christmas day,and he was just as surprised to discover he had missed out. How could he not know? It's all people talked about in the last week, where they were going to eat next. He must be quite the loner, yet he was chatty enough with me. He told me that while he was living in an apartment now, that he had spent 6 months on the street, earlier on in the year. He said on the street you should never have/carry more than your sleeping bag, soap and a toothbrush, as you might need to drop your bag and run, at any time. Even at his lodgings he choose not to acquire any further possessions as you could be kicked out on to the street without warning, and if you cant take/carry something with you, then it is gone. So no point buying a tv or anything. He also said the biggest danger on the street was... poor footwear. If your shoes have a hole in the bottom then your feet keep wet and damp and they become a real health problem, and of course you need to be mobile to access services.

The van came by and announced that as it was Christmas week all the business that donated food were closed, and so all they had were a few hand made sandwiches (peanut butter, jam ect...) and we were limited to two each. So this was the flip side of Christmas. In the lead up there was virtually an unlimited spread food and places to eat, but on the other side, everyone was away and so things would be very scarce for a while. Do closed businesses and charitys just not care about the homeless after Christmas, was there no forward planing, or is that just how the cards are dealt? Can people cope for a coupe of weeks on reduced rations or will it cause them hardship? I think it will be ok, people are still getting 'something' to eat, and they mostly they some money to spend on food, if it becomes a priority. I handed out the rest of my cake and muffins.

Walking back through the city, I was wondering if I was really amongst the poorest and most marginalized of the city. Surely there was a deeper rabbit hole? I hadn't really talked (knowingly) to many criminals, prostitutes, and druggies. So I prayed to God about it, that if there was a deeper rabbit hole where I could talk to others about God then I would be interested in exploring it. A few minutes later two guys in a taxi called me over "Hey you with the cross, do you need a lift?" I shook their hand and said I was ok I was not going far. "You sure? We can take you where ever you like?" Very generous I thought, and noticed a beer in one guys hand. "I a good fu**" he said, and I realized they were trying to pick me up! "No, that's ok, see you later" I said and walked away thinking 'Not that kind of rabbit hole God!' While I don't mind talking to gay men, that whole scene was not one that I had considered I might be exposed to.

Back on the steps there was a couple of really really drunk men, beers in their hands, staggering about, swaying to music, and shouting out 'Warnieeee' celebrating his 700th wicket from earlier on in the day. I sat down with them. One said he had spent Christmas in 'lock up' and had a bet with some others as to how long it would be before the cops threw him back inside. Later as some cops approached they quickly put their wine bags in their backpacks and moved their beer cans behind some polls. The cops took the two cans they say, and threw them out, then moved on, and it was straight back to the celebration for the men.

As I stood there, another drunk man, Tony, came up and started talking to me, I could only understand about every third word, despite him keeping so close our chests kept bumping. His eyes were glazed over and I wondered just what intelligence and lucidity the man would display when he was sober, it was hard to imagine. I acted interested and tried to be a friend to him, as a reflection of Jesus, although I was slightly worried (for the first time) as I thought if I said the wrong thing his happiness could flip to anger, and possibly violence, in an instant. It felt like I was dancing with a Cobra.

Later he did get into a verbal fight with a much bigger angrier man, and they yelled into each other's faces a bit. When the bigger man pushed Tony, twice I had to put out my arm to stop him falling backwards down the steps, then they separated and the police came back and told us all to move along, they even told us to go and sit or sleep over at St.Pauls. I walked with Tony down the street a bit to Hungry Jacks where we met a girl Tony knew. She saw my top and said she used to be a Christian and we got into a long conversation about the existence of God. She no longer believed, saying "God, did nothing for me while I was a Christian, so I don't believe he exists..." and my argument just came down to "well I have met him, so I know he exists..." It was a good friendly chat and then she left, agreeing to disagree. About this time I noticed Tony had dropped his pants and was mooning everyone who walked by. So I decided it was a good time to make my exit.

Back over at SPC I went to sit down, when two security guards came over and told me to leave. I hadn't seen any Guards at St.Pauls before, and I told them the police had said to come over and sit here, but they were firm in their resolve that no one was allowed out the front of the building. I went back to the Arcade and slept. At one point I was woken up as some girls threw an empty milk crate at me, and then they ran away laughing.

Christmas Day

2006-12-25T13:36:00.000+11:00

At the Rosie's party yesterday there was a 'Santa' who was walking around merrily handing out... cigarettes. Yep, it was a different Christmas to what I was generally used to.

Monday:
I got up and thanked my friends for letting me sleep over, "that was a great Christmas present!", and headed back into the city. The streets were mostly empty, a few people around, it might be the quietest day of the year, before the storm of Boxing Day bargain sales would burst and batter the pavements with hundreds of jostling feet, tripping over each other, to reach the pinnacle of the bargain shopping tree.

But not today. As I walked around I noticed many homeless and marginalized people. There was one on every street corner. I wondered if they had come into the CBD in greater numbers because it was Christmas day, or for some other reason? Or, if it was just that with the normal crowds and people away from the streets of the city the homeless were now more visible? As if all the coloured smarties had been removed from a packet, just leaving the blue ones behind, on their own. A woman in a red coat asked me for a couple of dollars to buy some food. I gave her a dollar and said that there was a free meal on at the CoH in an hour, "Really?" She seemed excited and interested, and I said to meet me at FSS in an hour and I would show her where it was. She never turned up.

The 1st Christmas:
Outside the Hungry Jacks, near the FSS, I found Goaty. He said he had slept in front of the store until it opened, and he was asked to move on. It had been a cold night, though he was pleased to report a passerby had given him a jacket to wear, which helped. I felt a little guilty that I had in a nice warm flat, while he had been out here dealing with the elements. He introduced me to Robbie, an indigenous man, who seemed well liquored up already, or perhaps just had the shakes and slur from a lifetime of alcohol abuse. He might be sober?! I was not sure. He told me that in 20 years he had never paid for a tram ticket, and was never bothered by the inspectors. A little ironic, the inspectors are paid to hassle fare avoiders, and yet there are those in the social system that even they choose to ignore.

Goaty and I went for a walk. He wanted to show me the alley where the McDonalds sometimes threw out their burgers, no longer fit for consumption by health regulations, but for Goaty a feast. We turned into the alley and it was piled high with rubbish. With over 40 bins and mounds of stuff everywhere, I thought perhaps the garbos had been on strike. We wandered in and down the back. A few McDonalds employees stood at their back exit, and Goaty standing near an overturned rubbish crate, said, "I didn't do it," and started picking up the rubbish and putting it back in the crate. The overturned crate and the employees were already there before we came along, so I wondered why Goaty immediately assumed he was seen as a guilty party, when no one had even accused him of anything? Perhaps that's the way he had been treated many times in the past? Homeless person = guilty for messy bins? I can probably never know. The supervisor came over and said it was cool, his staff would clean it up, and then told an employee to go and get us a burger each. "Merry Christmas" he said, and we thanked him, and took the burgers, as they pulled down their roller door.

We sat down in the corner and ate. Goaty pointed out a small hole in the wall nearby. It went through to a locked closet and he said to keep it in mind if I needed a place to sleep, as he had used it once in the past. He listened to some AC/DC on his headphones and then asked if I would talk to his mum on the phone for him. I said ok, and asked if he wanted to speak to her as well, but he just wanted me to say hello and Merry Christmas to her, on his behalf. We got up and went to a pay phone down the street. He dialed but there was no answer. He rang some other relatives and discovered she was away on holidays in Queensland and couldn't be reached. Then it started pouring down with rain, and then the hail stones. Goaty rummaged through a bin and got two cups, went over to where it was pouring down off a roof and put the cups under the falling water. He said there was nothing as good as rain water. I was skeptical about drinking it and was relieved when he changed his mind and decided that the water might contain aluminium from the roof, and it might poison and kill you after a few days. So he tipped the water back out. Then along came Mirror, and she asked us if we were coming to the CoH for Christmas lunch. I said I would be there shortly. Goaty wasn't interested in going and just wanted to wander around the city some more, and so I wished him a Merry Christmas and said goodbye.

The 2nd Christmas:
I headed up to the Church of Hope, where there were about 30 people meeting for the community lunch. It was organized by the Glen Waverley AOG Church, which was mainly Sri Lankan. I spoke with one of the pastors from there. She was interest in what I was doing but made the point that poverty in Melbourne was very different to 'real poverty' in developing countries, like Sri Lanka.

The food was really good, with the full Christmas spread, and plenty of it. They made a point of checking that we, the visitors, were satisfied, encouraging us to go get more, and when we were full they made up containers of leftovers for us to take and eat later. Everybody seemed happy and having a good time. A number of street people were there and everyone was talking, which was good as there are usually a few loners about. Mirror and another girl got up and sang some carols, which were very different sounding ones to what I was used to, which made it refreshing. When they finished everyone applauded. There was a real sense of community there.

The 3rd Christmas:
After lunch I trained back out to my parents place. When I got there everyone was opening presents. I was asked to hand some out, but I declined. I didn't feel like handing out what were largely unneeded material things, when I had just spent time with others that had nothing. Not to say that I think presents are bad, as there is the good will with them, just that I think they would be much better if they were gifts based on useful need, rather than flippant nicetys. And that's the hard part, but in my case I was pleased to receive a couple of 10 journey transport passes. They were useful to me and not an over waste of money, so I was thankful. Also it was nice that no-one said anything about there being no gifts from me this year. I wasn't giving any, as I hadn't any money to spend, and was also in solidarity with other poor people who can't afford to give gifts, and I was also not expecting any gifts, and that's the best way to receive; when you're not expecting anything.

The rest of the night was good. I did have an issue with someone that I initially wrote about here, as I thought it was very relevant to my story, but the person was not happy that I wrote about it publicly, and so I have since removed it.

Wrapping it up:
So I experienced Christmas at three different levels of the social spectrum, learning lessons and developing relationships at each one. The gift of Jesus is a gift given to everyone, needed by everyone, but not wanted by everyone. I hope I can share this gift with everyone I meet, and that they will accept it.

Merry Christmas Everyone ~!!

Sun 24th Dec 06 - Christmas Eve

2006-12-24T13:35:00.000+11:00

If you're ever running from the police, don't think heading into Flinders St Station for a train will help you. A few times I have seen cars screech up and 20 to 30 cops run into the station; it's very organized and planned. They have every exit covered and the one time a perp got lucky and onto a departing train, the cops rushed back out into their cars and floored it to the max, up the street after the train. With such haste they would be well at the next station before the train will get there.

Sunday:
I started the day by attending the service at St. Johns Lutheran Church at Southbank. The Lutheran church is not much different to any other, except the priest likes to sing almost everything and the congregation usually sings a response. It was fairly enjoyable, except that I am 'over' organ music.

Then I trained home to visit as I planned to be in and out over the few Christmas days, and my Uncle, Aunt and Grandma were down from Sydney this year, so I wanted to maximise as much time with them as possible, and still do some FW stuff. A relaxed afternoon with some good chats, and a warm shower to heat up from the cold morning.

In the evening, they gave me a lift back into the city (as they were attending the SPC carol service) and I headed off through the drizzle to the Yarra boatsheds where Rosie's Oblate Youth Mission were holding a Christmas BBQ get together for homeless and street people. Word had gone around that it would be 'the big one' to attend, and there would be lots of people going, which there was. Gift bags were handed out, but I didn't take one as it didn't provide anything I would need, and everyone lined up for some food. I chatted with Rupert, quite an effort for him to get here considering he walks very slowly with a walking frame, and everyone was happy and cheery, despite the occasional rain.

Cathy came over and we had a good long talk about God, hope and purpose. She wasn't religious but was very interested in what I had to say. She said I should go on tv and talk to people there. I said I was interested in the street community and she just couldn't understand why I would be interested in "people on the bottom" of society. Her experience was that professional people have no interest or respect for street people; illustrated by the story of how the lawyer handling her mother's death had not even called to tell her of the incident until 3 weeks after her mother died, consequently she had missed the funeral, and was feeling guilty about not being there.

After the party I met Roger Dodger up at SPC and he was interested in how I was going. He strongly encouraged me to go on the welfare system despite my protests that I didn't want any Government handout. He said since the money was there I should take it and pass it on to another needy person, or I could support a whole village in Africa based on the Centrelink pension. I said I really didn't want any welfare money, even for others, I didn't want to be signed on to the government's system. He said ok, then insisted I accept $20 from him to help me on my journey. I agreed, as long as he didn't need it himself and took it. He smiled slyly, and said, "You know, I am on the pension, and so that $20 is from the welfare system..." Doh! I replied, "In a round about way, but you are offering it out of a generous heart and concern, and that is why I am accepting it." He also gave me his address if I ever needed a place to stay, and I promised to drop by sometime.

Lastly, I headed off to my home Church for our 11pm carol service. I have to sit up the front now, as without my glasses I can't read the words on the screen from very far. The talk was on Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh, which was good as I had always wondered what that non-gold gift stuff was.

Afterwards it was cold, wet and it felt too late to make the effort to head back into the city, so I thought, "Any options, God?" I was just then talking with Harold about the possibility of sleeping in the hall, when some friends walked by and asked if I would like to stay at their place tonight. That was generous! We walked back to their place and talked a little about homelessness and Christmas time relative gatherings, then went to sleep.

Sat 23th Dec 06

2006-12-23T13:33:00.000+11:00

A few people have expressed a concern about the use of real names on this blog. So I have gone back and changed all names to pseudo-names. I will operate on the default of pseudo-names unless you tell me it is ok to use your real name, rather than the other way round.

Friday:
The interaction of interest of the day was first thing in the morning. I sat on one of the benches outside SPC opposite McDonalds, letting the cool air wake me up. Along came a young teenage street girl, about 14, who asked me to move to one of the other two 'empty' benches, so she could sleep on the one I was sitting on. I agreed and she lay down. Then over came two of her friends, another young girl and an even younger young boy. I noticed they had been hanging out at the other benches nearby, where there were some rough street men all sitting and drinking beers loudly. I realized they were socially connected to that group, and wondered about what kind of future they had?

They introduced themselves and asked a question or two, like what was I planning to do today? I just shrugged my shoulders. They started talking among themselves. They didn't care that I was there listening. The kid asked one of the girls what she had done with the tape they had made of him having sex with another of the girls, she couldn't remember. Then he said to me, "Beer and girls, there is nothing better in life, is there?" I said back, "Actually God is better." A little more chat and they went back to the other group and let Kelly go back to sleep (they had been out all night). I had actually seen them around FSS before talking to a couple of 'regular/normal' looking girls. I visualized a connecting flowchart from regular kids to street kids to 'no hope' boozing street adults, and the connections were not flowing in a good direction. Sitting there a while longer, thinking about how you could possibly go about helping the kids in this situation, Kelly woke up and asked, "What are you still doing here!?" I said, "Just thinking," but then got up and walked away, across the road.

Again it was Friday night and I went out to Shawn's place for some tv and catch up with my friends. This time it didn't feel like the end of a camp, more just a visiting stop on the journey, but a welcome distraction. Also some welcomed cheezy pizza, before heading back to JJ's, where I was welcomed again to sleep on their couch for the night. zzzzzz.

Saturday:
Both my sandles had broken again and so JJ gave me a lift to Clifton Hill where I got out the gaffer tape and rebound them back into service. I then walked to FSS where I sat down and read my Bible for the afternoon, and later a walk along the Yarra.

In the evening I went to the Sat night dinner at CoH. After dinner I noticed some spilt cordial on the floor and went and asked if there was a mop I could use. David said if I had the time it would be really helpful if I could mop the whole floor. I could see it hadn't been done for a long time, so I said "Sure" and went to work. After an hour I felt really good working away. I also cleaned the tables for the coming Christmas lunch, surprised that there was no regular person/duty to clean up after the meals, and everything was just left as it was used. I guess I was used to too many school and church camps where the eaters are always tasked to cleanup. This church running on the bare minimum of volunteer assistance had no such system in place. I was happy to help; another way to serve God and others.

Back at FSS and Tom was setting up his microphone for the evening carols and outreach. As he had his back turned (adjusting the amp) two girls and a guy went over and moved around a bit while the guy picked up one of Tom's bags from behind his back, and then they all rushed off into the station. I said to Tom, "Those guys just took the bag from behind you, I'll go after them" but as I went around the station I was unable to find them. I went back and Tom told me the bag had contained lots of little wrapped toys that were going to be handed out to children passing by... People stealing Christmas toys from children, it makes you angry! An hour later, wandering around the station I found the bag in a bin and the empty wrapping paper, but no gifts. We still had a good night singing carols on the steps, with about 10 others, and some street people joined in as well. We also handed out some booklets about the 'real' meaning of Christmas to passersby, and Madison, from my home Church, came over to say hi as she was passing by. It was a joyful evening and we finished up at midnight, then I sat on the steps for another hour.

I met Cathy, as she was waiting for the last train. She was a middle aged homeless woman who had been on the streets for about 3 years. She was very surprised I was sleeping rough in the city, as she was very scared of staying in the CBD at night. She said she had been raped and beaten by another street person (who I have met) and it took 3 months for her ribs to heal. I asked if she had gone to the police, but she said there was not enough evidence to take her seriously. She said everyone lies. There is no-one she has met that is trustworthy. She was unable to find accommodation and so trained out of the city each night to a safer area. Again she asked me wasn't I scared? I said I hadn't personally had any bad experiences yet, so I felt ok about being here, and perhaps that I was a man probably helped. Then she left to catch the last train out, and I headed back into the city to sleep.

Friday 22nd Dec 06

2006-12-22T11:20:00.000+11:00

After almost two weeks out and about, the only ones who dislike a poor person helping the church and asked me to leave 'their property', were the Anglicans at St. Pauls Cathedral. Which is ironic as I am an attending Anglican and they are supposed to help and love the poor, although I guess they think a poor person outside may be an embarrassment to the guests at their high society function... How surprising that I was treated better at a Robbie Williams concert!

Tuesday:
I had breakfast at St. Peters Eastern Hill, which was perfect. Nothing fancy, just the basic cereals and toast with some 'important looking' church people quietly moving around checking that everything was alright, and everyone's needs were met. They weren't supervising, but serving our needs, and it felt great. The 15 or so homeless people/guests visiting for the breakfast genuinely seemed happy to be there. A good start to the day.

Then off to the library, and while waiting for a computer, I got distracted by the Transformers Xbox game, saving the Microns from the evil Decepticons, and two hours passed before I realized it. I reminded myself I was not here to play games, and checked the weather. Finally some warmer nights coming up. Great!

Off to visit my friends out at World Vision. I caught the train out to Camberwell and then got on the tram out to Burwood. I only had a Zone 1 pass and I thought that somewhere towards Burwood it would become a Zone 2 section. I probably should get off at the end of Zone1 and walk the rest of the way, and went to check the maps on the tram walls for where it changed. All four display maps on the tram were so old scratched and rubbed that the section I needed to examine was rubbed off and not visible on any of them. (It only occurs to me now that I could ask the driver...) So I sat down until my stop at Springvale Rd and felt a little guilty, wrestling with my perfectionism to always do the right thing. I don't think God meant us to be overly analytical of every little decision we make, so I let it go, and moved on to helping the tram driver try and work out what the metallic dragging noise was that had been coming from under the tram.

It was fantastically refreshing and encouraging to see all my friends there again. They were all interested in my journey and after 1/2 an hour of grilling me in a circle I felt great that I had been able to answer all the questions I didn't know a week ago, and that they were interested and learning as well. They say a big 'Hi' to all you readers of the blog! Then due to my lucky timing it was the WV Christmas party, so some more fun there to. Muffy gave me a lift back to St. Kilda in her car, which was a highlight, to have some really good conversation for a while, despite her oft late sharp braking methods ;)

I was near my brother's place and so thought I would drop by for a visit. As I walked up to the building entrance he walked out, on his way to the city, to meet his girlfriend, with two walkie talkies, to go and look for me. Ha! We went in and I showed them a spot where I slept and talked about homelessness. He wanted to try begging and sat down with a sign asking for $2 so he could do laundry. He got $3 after 1/2 an hour. I didn't feel good about the ethics of him pretending to be homeless with an Amex in his pocket, but also thought about my situation and wondered if others saw me as not so genuine in my position, on account that I could leave it and get a job at any time? We all walked around the city for the evening and they watched and waited from a distance while I went to the 10pm food van at Vic Markets. One young guy came up and asked me the time and then mentioned how late the van was running, and stood next to me. That was all that was said, but I felt it was a connection, an acceptance. It seemed very small but I felt it was important. A drunk guy came by and started yelling at everyone and a lot of people quickly moved away, before someone stood up to him and moved him off. The drunk guy smashed his bottle of beer on the road in anger as he left. The reality of the situation is that a lot of tough looking and tough talking street men, are really scared of getting involved in anything violent and run off as soon as it looks like a serious situation. I've seen the occasional chest-beating but no-one really wants any trouble, that's not why they are there. The real trouble makers are the louts passing by the food vans looking to slag off for no good reason.

Later Terry and Marcy headed off, and I wandered up north of the city. Rupert had told me there was a building where the security guards let some homeless people sleep, as long as they were out by morning. I didn't find it, other than I found the 50 Collins Place Plaza was open all night, with no security or anyone around for the hour that I sat there. Good to know if I need some shelter from a storm or something. I bumped into a homeless guy called Ethan. He was Jesus hyper and was fascinated with the cross on my top. We had a quick chat and he moved on. As I headed back down to my Arcade spot at 2am, about 30 skateboarders whizzed by down Collins St. Now you don't see that everyday.

Wednesday:
Not much happened until the afternoon. I had wandered around Fitzroy a bit depressed as I had not had any decent evangelism/helping connection for a few days. As I walked back into the city I prayed to God about it, along the lines of 'well I'm here, so you can use me...' Two blocks later I was back in Bourke St Mall. There was Ethan having an angry conversation with an elderly man sitting on the bench. He saw me and came up and said the man had called him a poofter and he was yelling at the man not to judge people, Jesus didn't come to judge. I nodded and said I hadn't seen what had happened so I wouldn't get involved. He said ok and walked on. I nodded at the man on the bench. He asked if I knew Ethan and I said I had only met him for the first time last night. I sat down and we started chatting. He asked me about my religion, and I told him about God. He wasn't religious but was interested in my experiences of meeting God. His name was Perry and he lived in a nursing home and had nothing to do but just sit in the mall. His family did not care for him either. He asked me what you need to do to be a Christian and I said you just need to believe in the story of Jesus and have a heart attitude to doing the right things by God. I asked him what he was doing for Christmas Day, and he said nothing, so I invited him to the Church of Hope Christmas lunch, and he said he would think about it. I also asked him if there was anything he would like me to pray for, but he said he was ok. I shook his hand and moved on. It was great how quickly God had answered my prayer for a Christian encounter with someone, I just wondered if I had said the right things? He wasn't converted, but there was a lot of Godly value in our talk. I wondered if I had the right skills and info to help talk someone into conversion?

I headed over to CoH (Church of Hope) that was open for a couple of hours. When I got there, there were just two others. David the leader and another man called George. While we were talking, two teenage girls came in for a look. David immediately engaged them (in a very friendly way) and talked to them about God, as they were not Christians. Shortly he asked if they would like to pray to become Christians on the spot, one said no, but the other almost did but was pulled away and David gave them some reading tracts as they left. So it was pretty cool that just as I was thinking about the process of evangelism, the opportunity to watch and listen to an experienced person presented itself. It was encouraging. Another man also came by and warned me about street people pretending to be your friend on a long term basis, just to seek to ruin you because you are a Christian and to find out where you live so they can go and rob your place. He said the Cross on my top was a big target sign for bad elements in the city. I thanked him for his warning and said I had not had any problems thus far, but would be wary.

Sitting back at FSS (Flinder St Station) I met and chatted lightly with a few other people and street kids. Then I saw Eco Paul and shouted out hello! Eco Paul used to go to my Church and is a part of the street community (always collecting stuff and preaching about environmentalism, etc...). We had caught up a number of times in the months leading up to my FW but I had not yet told him about it. When I told him all that was going on he was ecstatic, he thought it was so counter-cultural that he couldn't believe someone from the rich eastern suburbs was following this path. Walt (another street person) came by drunk, and was also surprised by my story. Eco Paul later said a lot of people would know now as Walt had a very good tongue. He also told me that sleeping in the gardens at the AXA building on the corner of William and Collins St would be very good spiritually. I then helped him load all his stuff on the last tram out east (3 loads of stuff) and I heard him shout loudly "Hello Melbourne People!" to the tram riders as it pulled away from the stop. Hilarious.

I wandered down to the AXA Gardens but it was all to open for sleeping bag, perhaps when it was warmer I could lie there clothed (without a sleeping bag) and discover the spirituality of the spot? I think it was supposed to be about having nothing out in front of a building which represents the pinnacle of wealth and financial management. For now I headed back to the Arcade for the 2nd night in a row, happy I had a good day.

Thursday:
In the morning I spent a good amount of time sitting on the FSS as the day warmed up. One guy asked to take my photo. Then I went to the 12:15pm service at SPC (St. Pauls Cathedral) and sat down the front, but nothing happened. The sign board was out the front, but it was all quiet inside, after 1/2hr I left. Outside, I had a dollar coin I had found in the bottom of my sleeping bag that morning, and wondered how to spend it. What was the best value I could get? Since it was hot and I was thirsty, I though it would be pleasing to have a change from water. Not enough to buy a Slurpee (which everyone else in the city seemed to be holding) and all cold drinks are above a dollar. I headed off to QV Safeway, where the whole shop (underground) is like a big fridge. Scanning the shelves I said 'Yes!' as I found that Pepsi Max 1.25 litre bottles were on special at 99 cents. I handed over my dollar, no change, and went and sat down to enjoy my prize. Halfway through, a pat on the back, and Tim and Laura sat down! They saw me in passing and came for a chat and a pray. That really brightened things up. Meeting friends, prayer and Pepsi; it's all you need.

Later: I caught up with my mentor, visited CoH, talked with Rupert and sat more on FSS. Noticing a huge crowd out the front of SPC, I went over to see what was happening. It was a carol service with the Melbourne Philharmonica Orchestra. The ushers were all nicely in black with a red flower on their chests, and the crowd was all in their best clothing, a couple in black tie. After everyone was inside I was told you needed a ticket to get in, but there were still seats available. I went and sat on the knee high stone wall on the other side of the front courtyard hoping, as with the concert earlier in the week, that I might be able to hear something from outside. A man came up the ramp and a piece of paper fell out of his pocket before he went inside. I went over and picked it up. It was a voucher for a free copy of the evening's programme. I walked over to the door usher and gave it to him, saying that it had just been dropped and perhaps the man might come back looking for it. He thanked me. Soon the doors were shut, an usher on the outside, and there was no sound to be heard.

Over the road in Federation Square there was another carol and music concert on for the general public. So I decided to stay sitting where I was and listen to that music. Another man did the same not far away. I remembered Jesus' story of the Banquet. At first I felt a little angry that the Church had this 'Banquet' of music, there were empty seats and they had not gone out to ask the poor, crippled, or blind to come and fill the seats, like in Jesus' story. Then I also put myself in the shoes of those left outside after the doors are closed with "wailing and gnashing of teeth". I gnashed my teeth a bit to see how it felt, but didn't wail as I didn't want to draw any attention. Later another usher came out and went and got Hungry Jacks, brought it back to the other usher and they disappeared inside to eat. Some more guests arrived and, as the door was shut, thought they were locked out. I thought the ushers were like the bridesmaids who ran out of oil and weren't there when the groom arrived. I went over to the guests, welcomed them and said the door was not locked. I pushed open the door a little and let them inside, shut it and then went back to my seat. The other guy wanted to go over the road to Fed Square for a closer look and asked me to mind his stuff for 5 minutes. I said that would be fine.

I read my Bible a little, and then I got up and stretched my legs a bit, when 3 ushers came out. An older one I had not seen before came over and asked me if that was my bag by the wall. Yes, I said that it was. He asked me to move it as it was a security threat. 'No problem'. I said I would get it and keep it with me, and went and got it. Then he came up again and asked me to leave. I said that I was keeping an eye on the other guy's stuff for a few minutes. He said that the others guy's stuff would be thrown out too. I asked "Have I done something wrong?" Looking into the man's eyes I could see a heart that was completely hard. He said, "I am in charge of security and this is OUR property," and I said, "No, it is my Father's property," and walked away. I picked up the other guy's things and went to the far corner away from the doors and sat down. The other guy soon came back and thanked me for looking after his stuff and sat back down on the wall to listen to the 'people's' concert. So I then thought about the story of the vineyard tenants that threw the owner's visiting servant outside before killing the visiting son.

Intermission, and out came a number of people for a break. One older lady came over and sat next to me and mentioned the heat. I said I liked the heat and deserts, which led into a conversation about who I was and what I was doing in the city. Her name was Doherty and she was the wife of one of the choir members. Soon her friends were calling her to hurry up and come back inside, and she blessed me before hurrying off. Another good connection. Then up from the street came a young man giving out tracts (Biblical message pamphlets) and doing evangelism. He was Nicholas from Crossways Baptist out in Burwood. We had a good 1/2hr of conversation and fellowship before he moved on to other people. It was an interesting night, and after the concert finished and everyone left and the Fed Square concert finished, I headed back over to the FSS.

At 12:40 a Greek man came and sat next to me. He was Pontas and he had just missed the last train to Werribee by 4 mins. Thus he said as he was on welfare and had no money, he would just wander the city for 5 hours until the first train the next morning. In the meantime with nothing to do we also had a good talk for about an hour. He said he was a Christian, although I am beginning to wonder at all these people that 'call' themselves Christians but do not display any Christian traits... He talked about the problem of being stuck on 'that' poverty rung, where he paid for accommodation, a meal, and then the rest went on poker gambling and cigarettes. Which apparently are very expensive. For a 2 pack a day man it's about $24 or $160 a week. Out of his $400 pension and with rent that does not leave much left... He went for his walk and then out came the skateboarders again. I went to bed for the night; pulled out my sleeping bag, and lay down, right at the front of St. Paul's Cathedral. :)

Thursday 21st Dec 06

2006-12-21T16:42:00.000+11:00

The real poverty trap zone is not on the bottom of the 'ladder', but one rung up. For the majority, welfare payments can cover the basic cost of food and accommodation (if little else). But to get a stable job and independent living arrangement is a step beyond the capabilities of most of those living on this rung, though there are charities trying to help. With not much else to do, people can turn to alcohol, drugs and other vices, which may then become a higher financial priority than accommodation. Thus is one path leading to a return to sleeping on the streets.

People need a drive (or purpose), and support; and these are not issues limited to the poor. I am sure there are a lot of wealthy people that have drive, but little family/community support. If real 'wealth' is in good relationships then who is rich and who is poor? If we find ourselves on the relationship poverty line, do we have the drive to build our relationships... or are we just waiting for a handout?

Monday:
I woke up in the garden at St.Peters Eastern Hill. There was a nice little gap between the bushes and the church wall that provided some privacy, and so I had slept in until about 8:30am. I packed up my sleeping bag, which made all the difference, the cold was no longer a threat. Imagining that scene from Die Hard, I say to Satan "Ho Ho Ho, now I have a sleeping bag." Further down the street I pulled out my charity guide booklet and I noticed there was a free breakfast on at 7:30am at... St.Peters! I had slept through it, not 5 meters away. LOL.

I walked around some then spent a few hours updating this blog. I had a little trouble with the State Library guards as now I had a bag (with my sleeping bag and Bible inside) which they said was too big, and I needed to put it in a locker, which costs $1, which I didn't have. I didn't want my free internet option to disappear and luckily we compromised to me squashing it down as small as I can and holding it directly under my armpit, while I walk around the library. (I have had to have the same discussion with the other guards as well, during the week, but so far I haven't been denied, thanks God.

At midday I went down to the Docklands to check it out. It was pretty dead, it felt like a really empty place of emotion and feelings and life, not just people. I went into the ING Information shop about their Water Front City Development complex, which is building behind the Docklands. The attractive girl showed me the model of the complex pointing out the apartments, shops and entertainment complexes. I asked here if they planned for a Church? She looked at me funny and said people could tram up into the main city if they wanted that. She shut the door after I left. The next day I sent an email to the developer saying if they were interested in planning for a Church or wanted to donate some space, to let me know, as I knew some people who would be interested in setting on up. (Which is true). So far no response.. Well no homeless people down here... but wait, I found one! He was sitting watching the big video screens in the arena. They were tuned to Channel 9 and the 6pm news was on, a resourceful discovery, though quite a way to go for some tv, though if you're homeless you generally have plenty of time. After the news he headed back to the city, and hundreds of fashion models, whoops I mean wealthy people were pouring into the area for the restaurants and nightlife. Now I was really out of place. Not supposed to be any crazys from the city down here. I got some genuine long stares from people, compared to the main city where I am hardly noticed.

Heading back past the Telstra Dome, I noticed a lot of people heading towards it. It's not football season so I went and had a look... a Robbie Williams concert! I noticed there was really only one entrance/walkway to the Dome, and so I stood halfway looking at people passing by. Perhaps someone I knew might be going to the concert and they would see me and buy me some of these delicious looking sugar jam doughnuts, at the stall. I thought about who I knew who liked Robbie Williams, but I couldn't think of anyone. My picture was snapped by an Ericson's rep who said it would be up on their website later (along with thousands of others). that gave me an idea. I stood up front on to the streaming crowds passing by for about 3 hours. I call it a bit of 'Cross Promotion'. Good, now about 50,000 people had the cross of Jesus register in their brain that night, if only for half a second. As the concert started about 15 people and myself went to the entrance and, standing at the passout gate, were able to listen and watch the concert. Yep, that's right, the stage was setup directly opposite the gate with a clear view to the stage and video screens. Even without my glasses, which I had not taken on the Faith Walk, I was able to see everything going on, for free, no $100 ticket needed!

Not caring much for Robbie or his music, I left halfway through the performance and headed up to the Vic Markets for the 10pm food van meeting. I hadn't been here before and the crowd seemed a bit bigger and rougher than the Flinder St crew. Not more dangerous, but more younger men, that kept to themselves with a more haunted look in their eyes. I stayed off to the side and against the wall, not wanting to encroach on anyone's space. I noticed Annie, the pension lady that had her bag stolen the other night. I said hello and asked her if she had found it. "No", and then she told me the police were hoping to find the thief on the CC TV from the area. She also talked about how hard it was for a person in her position to get respect from the police and the trouble it took to replace all the things she lost. We walked over to 5 clothing bins on the other side of the road. There was a fair bit of clothing on the ground in front of them. She started picking threw it and found two white shirts in perfect condition and offered them to me. I thanked her but didn't need them, she threw them to the side and found herself some other stuff. Along came the van, (an hour late but that's just how it goes) and everyone dived in for the hot food: pies, sausagerolls, chicken rolls ect... I waited until everyone else had what they wanted and too my surprise found there was masses of stuff left, and this was the vans last stop. I got a pie and ate it, pretty good. The funny thing was all the food had the sale prices on the packets, so you could see you were eating something that sold for eg.$4.50 A few people took about 12 items and I wondered that they really couldn't eat it all in one day and the truck would be back the next night, so they either had other people to share with or didn't want to visit each night. Afterwards one bloke (I had not seen before) came up and asked me what was on the back of my top, he had seen me around but couldn't remember what it said. "24 Hour Church." My 2ndry vision for the Faith Walk, to be a Christian Church at all times and available to pray with anyone at any time. What surprised me was that I thought I was the one watching people, but it seems people have been watching/noticing me also. I realized that submerging into the community was not just about approaching and talking with people. My mere presence and distinctive look was having an effect. I hope it is positive, so far no issues of negative reaction to deal with, which is good.

People disbursed and I went off to the park behind Fed Square, near a long rising walkway and looked it over. I had noticed it a month earlier and thought about it as a sleeping spot. It was darker and quieter than in the CBD but it was a bit open. No one around at night, but in the morning there would be joggers and passerbys at first light. I decided to give it a go and put my sleeping bag down at an angle by a tree as to keep me out of sight of the road, in case any cops drove by, and decided to get up as soon as it was light. Though I had seen many homeless people in Sydney Hyde Park in their sleeping bags during the day, and they did not seem to care about being noticed, but I had not seen that same situation down here in Melbourne. The ground was softer than the usual concrete, so I slept well.

Wednesday 20th Dec 06

2006-12-20T14:04:00.000+11:00

SOME REFLECTION:

Well it has been a much more difficult journey than I thought, though the people I have met and my amazing growth in cultural understanding have made it well worth while.

Last night my brother asked me what I've missed the most? Computer, TV or a bed? But what I've missed most is the social interaction and good conversation with friends. It's the relationships and making new friends that were the highlights of the week. Food is really just food, entertainment is fleeting, a bed is for when you're switched off, but real stimulation comes from interaction with others. There does seem to be a lot loneliness and solitude in the lives of the poor and homeless, and many just seek a little bit of attention and friendship. They are real and interesting and friendly people, that are tuned out of the minds of most that pass them by. They are not the wolves at the door, but more the friendly neighbor you have never bothered to go next door to meet. (Yes, there are exceptions.)

Physically:
Sleeping on stone or a hard surface is really not that bad, it just takes a little bit of time to get used to; last night I think I only had to change position three times. Lack of sleep has had surprisingly little effect as well! I am sleeping only 5 to 6 hours a night (usually about 2am to 7am) and find it is plenty, a shock for someone like me who normally likes to sleep 8 to 10 hours. Sometimes a 1/2hr nap in the afternoon will boost me back to normal as well.
Walking is no longer a mental decision. It is just the way I travel, and so when I need to go somewhere I just head off and rarely stop until I get there. My legs don't get tired, which I guess is a good benefit from cycling an hour a day for the last couple of years. I now wonder about the waste of money people spend on transport to travel relatively short distances, of course I have a lot of time to walk places as well.
Eating has become somewhat of a chore. With no pantry to raid at leisure, I need to plan ahead about where and when I am going to go for a meal. It is the center point of interacting with the community. A lot of the same people can be found from one place to the next, based on meals. Overall the food is very good, although I heard on person complain about Credo and the Hare Krishna Depot as they are vegetarian. This is the limitation of the poor. The limitation of personal choice. It is the same for drinks. In my situation I can't just go and get a Pepsi, I am pretty much limited to the many water drinking fountains around the city, which does the job, but the fact that water has no taste, does (over time) tend to leave a sour taste in your mouth.

Mentally:
Shops. There are so many! It's not that you can't just go and buy the food at the cafes and restaurants that bothers you. It's that without money there is no purpose in entering the shops, and if you're not going to buy something then it doesn't feel right to be there. So in a way it's like you are shut outside. You see all these people drifting in and out of shops, but I am now an 'outsider', not able to participate in this 'normal' social function of the living community.
Boredom is a huge issue. I have seen one guy in four different locations at regular times just sitting. During the day is not so bad when people are around and things are busy, it's early morning and late at night, when there is absolutely nothing to do and nowhere to go. I don't have a TV to sit and watch, no internet, no music to listen to, and friends seem a long way off, out of reach. All the charities close in the afternoon, the city could do with some sort of 'drop in center' that operates late arvo and early evening, as a place where people can meet and chat.
Sleeping Location is a difficult nightly decision. It needs to be out of sight as much as possible, apart from avoiding the police, a bit of solitude and a break from the disapproving eyes of the public is welcome. Shelter out of the wind and possible rain is important, very difficult to find in the CBD. Ironically whenever I check the weather reports now, I am checking the nightly minimums, rather than the daily maximums. Walking around at night you notice all the big empty warm spaces in buildings and offices, just behind a locked door, it's like a tease. Also there is no sleeping in, as soon as it is light you need to be up and about, as the security of the darkness has dissipated.
Discussions within the community are always limited. What do we have to talk about? Not much else besides the weather and the charities. It takes time to get to know people and gain trust, and so shooting the breeze, if not just a hello, will have to suffice for the moment, until I step across cultures and then there is lots to discuss.

Spiritually:
Churches are good to visit to take a break from the day, do some prayer and maybe catch a service. While there are a few churches open all day, they mainly only have their service once a day at midday, which is hard to catch as it is also the time to meet people at lunch. The different denominations around town all seem to have a particular strength, but there seems to be no 'complete' church. That may be more a reflection on me than the churches, but there's still more to check out, but as many are only open Sunday morning, it is a slow process. I wonder if anyone has done a guide to the churches, like they do for restaurants?
Helping people, and being helped by caring people, has been the highlight, that keeps me motivated onwards. Finding a lost sheep and pulling one out of a hole (Christian speak) is rewarding work. It's also an encouragement of God being active and working in peoples lives; a reflection of his love. It's the 2nd biggest message of Jesus. He says to first love God and then love others. Nearly all his other parables and teachings are based on these two themes, which are combined into one action on the cross. His death is a simultaneous action of loving God and loving us.
Understanding just what is poverty and homelessness in Melbourne has been a great revelation over the last week. To think I have lived here all my life and had no idea of what is going on shocks me.

What for the future? I am still not sure. I think I will be out here, on the streets, until the end of December, and then some other options are open for me to consider. Certainly long-term this is an area of life I will no longer be able to ignore. I hope I will be able to continue to find a way to share my heart, and God's, with others, as we meet on our respective journeys.